I danced a jig last week when Alison and Donny arrived last to the pit stop and were eliminated. I did, really. I don’t watch Big Brother but heard she was quite a treat on that show, and I can’t stand it when people try to drag their 15 minutes of fame into 16.

Having said that, Phil takes us through the last episode…the Shake Mega Disco, the Argentinian dogs, Chirna & Marla dancing the Last Tango in Buenos Aires, and ribbon roping. I can’t wait until we’re about halfway through this season so I can start keeping better track of the remaining teams.

During the pit stop, teams eat, mingle and sleep with the other teams. Man, Phil looks good in jeans. Brandon/Nicole depart at 11:50 p.m. Fly to Patagonia…San Carlos de Bariloche…a village at the base of the Andes. Drive into town and the mayor will give them the next clue.

Charla & Mirna depart second. The first two teams wind up getting their cars stuck in the mud. Brandon helps everyone out. Not to be outsmarted, outplayed or outwitted, Charla gets electrocuted. The Bowling Moms blow through the mud at high speed, getting the third leg of the race off to a good start for them. Charla & Mirna are lost…again.

Marshall and Lance aren’t “body builder-type physiques”…and that’s important to know…why? Oh, I guess that’s relevant since you two got a flat tire and have to jack the car up. Two fat Jewish guys changed their own tire in only 13 short minutes! Yeah, but thin, Protestant women can do it in nine.

And…the airport dance begins. I love the airport scenes because they’re the great equalizer while at the same time being a place to get an advantage. Not this time, though…everyone’s at the airport. Teams are buying tickets for some teams but not others, trust is broken and alliances broken.

Charla & Mirna (”Cousins/Victimized, Underestimated Martyrs”) are feeling isolated and alone, but do not hesitate to lie to the ticket agent, saying they need to get the Midget Chick to a doctor. I’m sorry, but their tactics piss me off and I’m not going to pussyfoot around the fact that Charla bitches and moans that “no one takes me seriously” and then uses her midgetness to get ahead. Show me that you can be taken seriously and can play this game without using your short stature. Until then…well, you’re fair game.

Don’t get me wrong…I don’t “discriminate” against Charla because she’s a, to use a politically correct term, little person. I have a problem with anyone who does have to work harder, then says they don’t…then they use whatever disadvantages they have to their advantage…then criticize other people for thinking they can’t do anything. Well, duh! I can’t go into an airport and tell a ticket agent I have to get on a plane because I have to go to the doctor. They’d take one look at my 5′4″ frame and tell me I look fine and please step behind the yellow line. Whew. Yes, I’m done…for now.

One fight leaves at 9:10 a.m., another at 9:40 a.m. and the third at 10:30 a.m. Marsha got a confirmed ticket, but Military Dad flew standby and missed his flight so those two are basically done.

Colin & Christie get to the mayor’s office first and now need to go to a chocolate factory. Blondie and Short Stack are in second place.

Roadblock: Teams must overindulge in chocolate…and bite their way through the chocolate to find a piece with a white center. Only 20 out of the 11,000 pieces have a white center. Colin loves chocolate and off he goes. Mirna hates chocolate (eet makes me gag!!) and off Charla goes. This is hilarious but I’m crushed that Charla finds a white piece first. What’s up with all of the midgets in the chocolate factory? Where’s Veruca Salt? I feel like I’m in Willie Wonka’s world.

The next stop is Villa Cathedral, where the teams will take the gondola up to the top of the hill and find their next clue.

Team Cosa Nostra does a drive-by yell of “bitch!” to Mirna, which is good for a laugh, but they act like a couple of little girls during the choco-challenge. Kami & Karli pull themselves up out of last place and are now in 5th place.

Jim & Marsha arrive really, really late and are still in last place.

This week’s “Amazing Quote Award” goes to Colin on his way to the Detour, “I am so serious…we have to beat the midget.”

Detour: Smooth Sailing or Rough Riding. Paragliding off a mountain or biking down the same mountain. Everyone paraglides, which makes me happy. In my not-so-humble opinion, if you’ve got the cajones to go on The Amazing Race in the first place, don’t wuss out on the challenges and pull the fraidy-cat card.

Colin and Christie complete their paragliding trips first and get their next clue: drive to Bahia Lopez, a picturesque bay, and find a little unnamed island with Phil, a banner and cute local kids. This will be their next pit stop. I’ve gotta say, what a beautiful location although, anytime I hear the word “Andes” I think of that movie where all the soccer players became cannibals. Other people think of pillow mints.

Kami & Karli, in the most dramatic arrival ever, swim across most of Bahia Lopez Survivor-style to get to the island. Phil notices as well pointing out, “That was quite a dramatic entrance. Everyone else just walked along the shallow part,” as he points at the 3″ of water on the other side of the island. Hee.

Unfortunately, Jim & Marsha arrive last and are eliminated. I was sad to see them go because gosh, they sure were trying. Marsha had a poignant final statement in, “Dad taught me that you can do unbelievable things, even when you’re the underdog” which then begs the obvious question: if all of the teams are calling themselves “underdogs” for one reason or another, who then, is the team that we would expect to win it all? Theoretically, you can’t have an underdog without a corresponding…overdog?

Next week, it looks like we finally get off the Isle of South America and go to…Russia? I see parkas, baby!