Welcome my friends, to Desperate Housewives.
Heh heh heh heh…this show is going to be fun. Fun if you like dark humor and watching people with seemingly perfect lives fall apart. Heh heh heh. I’ll say upfront that this show garnered the first official Outwit, Outblog, Outsnark Seal of Approval for excellence in snarkable television programming.
I suppose it was no accident that when Mary Alice Young’s pre-suicide life was depicted, it was very beige…and eggshell…and ecru. How…suburban. We’ve got all the stereotypes…play along at home and match them up to the women in your neighborhood!
Teri Hatcher introduces us to Susan, the divorced mom (I wish people would stop calling themselves single mothers when they’re not…they’re divorced moms) who has an all-too precocious teenage daughter who might just be the only reason to make me hit the mute button. We have far too many smart-ass children on television who think they know more about life than their parents. And Susan…please…don’t take advice on your love life from the tween who is still building trojan horses out of popsicle sticks.
Marcia Cross give us Bree, the uber-mother and housewife whose life is incredibly perfect in her little bubble, which unfortunately doesn’t include her husband or her kids. She can bake a perfect muffin, apply a perfect coat of lipstick and I’m sure her bras and panties coordinate. However, her son gripes that she doesn’t cook real food (”Why does it always have to be cuisine?”) and her husband asks for a divorce while they dine at a non-cuisiney family steakhouse because he “can’t live in this detergent commercial anymore.” Hee.
Felicity Huffman plays Lynette, the former corporate bigwig who chucked it all for the far more rewarding life of being a stay-at-home-mom. I’m so glad they’ve got someone on television who will portray the task for what it is…irritating, boring and not at all what she expected. Finally, a woman who will admit that its not all butterfly kisses…even if she’s fictional. Lynette’s got it tough though, and it doesn’t help that her husband is apparently away on business quite a bit. Ouch.
Nicolette Sheridan smolders as Edie (how retro), who is exactly what you would expect Paige from Knots Landing to turn into…and she doesn’t disappoint. The block’s gayest divorcee, she frequently runs around without a bra and for about twenty seconds was in competition with Susan for the lone single male on the block. And, he rents.
Eva Longoria plays Gabrielle, the former runway model who married rich and is now suffering the consequences of having a man who gives her everything she wants…except she now realizes what she’s getting isn’t what she really wants. Huh. Go figure. Tough break. She’s having a grand time with the gardener though, and I don’t think anyone has ever mowed a lawn in an evening gown with such grace and panache.
The funny thing while I was watching this show though, was how all I could think about was which Sex and the City girl would turn into which Wisteria Lane Stereotype. Charlotte would probably snap and turn into Bree, Samantha would turn into Edie (or vice-versa), Carrie would turn into Susan and Miranda…well, she’s Lynette without a doubt.
So I said to myself, “Self, any women like this in our neighborhood?” Lynette comes close…but she’d need to gain about sixty pounds and have a less-attractive husband. Behind our house is someone who could almost pass as a cross between Susan and Edie now that I think about it…no uber-moms though, unless you count the editor of our homeowner’s association newsletter whom I suspect may also be on the verge of detergentdom.
How fun though…finally, ABC has brought back the adult drama that isn’t overly preachy, panders to children or panders to adults. This is a fun way for me to spend my Sunday nights, as I fold my freshly laundered clothing and clean up from the Sunday meal. My favorite scene in the show was when Lynette and her husband are about to have sex and she mentions that he’ll have to wear a condom. He balks and says, “Let’s just risk it.” Lynette comes unglued and gives him a nice punch to the noggin. “Let’s risk it?” Romantic moment over. Good lord boy, don’t you know how babies are made?
And to quote my husband…”Poor Teri Hatcher. Look how she’s let herself go.” Hee.
