MARTHAWATCH! Martha Stewart cooks up some federally funded, contraband crabapple jelly at Camp Cupcake. That should pair nicely with the Cupcake Creek Private Reserve Moonshine she’s been distilling. Or a nice Chianti with some fava beans.

Americans are making a run for the border, eh, to get flu shots in Canada. It’s a flu shot, people. It’s not an injection to cure Kerryitis. Wash your hands often, stay away from sick people, eat lots of healthy foods and drink oodles of water. I’ve got asthma but am not considered nearly as “at risk” as others, so I’m taking all precautionary measures to ensure I don’t get the flu. Measure #1 - don’t leave the house until next March. Although…apparently…I could just hop on a plane and go to Canada. Hmmm…

Mary-Kate Olsen’s people tell us that she hasn’t relapsed and she’s still in college…she’s just conducting personal business in LA. This burns me up…I worked my ass off in college, went to all of my classes…didn’t have the luxury of jetting back and forth to conduct personal business on the other coast…ah Hell, maybe I’m just jealous but if you’re going to go to school, go to school. College is now your personal business. How can you be gone for “a few days” and only miss one class? I’m sure one or two worthy, albeit rejected, applicants to NYU would have given their left arm (assuming they’re righties) to be planted in one of NYU’s hallowed halls until winter break. Sheesh. Yes, thanks, I do feel better now.

Prepare to toss your panties, 30-something ladies…Duran Duran has reunited and has a new CD! “Girls on Film” just seems so tame now, doesn’t it?

Teresa Heinz-Kerry questions Laura Bush’s employment record, then flip-flops and says she didn’t realize Laura worked…in the past. Tell me Teresa, what does it feel like to have a Chanel shoe-clad foot stuck in your mouth? Does it taste as couture as one would expect or does it have a more bitter flavor?