Recently pink-slipped Stacy R. from The Apprentice has a website! According to her website, “She would love to host your next event or party.” She wouldn’t however, love to open a restaurant, design a clothing line or create a toy prototype. She really doesn’t want to wash your dog.

Ashlee Simpson may have been caught lip-synching on Saturday Night Live…blaming her band for playing the wrong song. Um…sweetheart, I really don’t think they’d play “Pieces of Me” twice. Besides…no one was listening because Jude Law was hosting! Rrrrrrrow!

John Cleese is hosting a new show on Food Network titled Wine for the Confused. You don’t frighten us, English pig dogs. Go and boil your bottoms, you sons of a silly person.

Catherine Zeta-Jones has filed a lawsuit against The Spice Club, “Reno’s friendliest topless cabaret,” for unauthorized use of her name and likeness. C’mon babe, why don’t we paint the town… and all that jazz. I’m gonna rouge my knees and roll my stockings down… and all jazz. Start the car I know a whoopie spot… where the gin is cold and the piano’s hot. It’s just a noisy hall, where there’s a nightly brawl… and all…that…jazz.

Conservative pundit Ann Coulter is terrorized by Al Pieda while giving a speech at the University of Arizona. Three more bullseyes and you win a big, stuffed teddy bear.