Previously on The Amazing Race…11 teams departed the Windy City on a race around the world, married folk wrestled with their inner demons (literally) and a couple of geeky guys whose names we won’t remember by Leg 6 were eliminated from the race. The Amazing Race voodoo doll was also resurrected, with this season’s lucky victim being…you guessed it…Jonathan. And…I’m rooting for Kris & Jon to go. All. The. Way.

Bwa ha ha.

10 teams remain. Who will be eliminated…next?

Funny thing I noticed during the credits…they showed our Mormon sisters in bikinis, squirting each other with a hose, which was rather ironic. I’m waffling on calling them the Mormon Bikini Team but don’t want to offend anyone. Ah, screw it. Mormon Bikini Team it is. The UberHusband also pointed out that we don’t have a “gimmick” team this season. We’ve had soccer moms, football-jersey-wearing moms, bowling moms, Yogi & Boo-Boo, committed partners and “dating Christians”. I guess technically, Lori & Bobo could be considered the gimmick team, if you’re going off of sheer appearance. Hmm.

We return to Iceland. For those of you who successfully made it through the American school system, Iceland is the country with lots of green, while Greenland is the country with lots of ice. Or is it the other way around? Anyway, Phil geographizes that Iceland is built primarily on glaciers and active volcanoes. Smack-dab in the middle of this cornucopia of climatological goodies lies the Blue Lagoon, the Pit Stop for this, the first leg in a race around the world.

As is de rigeur for the start of each new season, we’re introduced to the concept of the Pit Stop. Eat, drink, sleep with the other players…and talk about Botox (too bad I can’t take credit for that nickname) and LoudMouth behind their backs. Come on, you know they’re all doing it. The only all-”male” team we had is gone, so there isn’t even anyone to oogle Lena & Kristy.

Hayden & Aaron depart first…and must fly to Oslo, Norway then track down the Holmenkollen ski jump, where they’ll find their next clue. I love the Amazing Editors. Seriously. They make people look so dumb. Hayden and Aaron have been dating for ten months and he’s, “still learning new things about her.” Good, otherwise I’d think she was pretty damn boring. Aaron continues on to say that although Hayden is bossy, he loves that about her. Hee hee. Ah…so young. What’s that old saying? The thing you love the most about someone at the beginning of a relationship…?

More couple-y fighting and more backseat driving. I love my husband so much.

Gus & Hera depart last and Gus continues to show just how out of touch with reality he is with, “Hera and I share the same baggage that we had at the start and that’s Hera’s stubborn, I’m stubborn.” What’d you expect? It’s only been one leg of the race! And again, maybe it’s just Amazing editing but I don’t see Hera being stubborn at all. This is standard parental psychology…you think your child is being “stubborn” simply because she isn’t doing what you tell her to do. That’s not stubborn, that’s called growing up. Oops…got sidetracked.

At the airport, we don’t get any in-flight drama because everyone hops the same flight to Oslo. What’s great about this is that it completely flip-flops the order of the teams and he who was first, winds up being last. In Oslo, the teams are supposed to locate the “marked cars,” which proves to be more of a challenge for some than others. Don & Mary Jean go so far as to duck down and hide so Jonathan and Victoria, who are running around like Norwegian chickens with their heads cut off, don’t see them and find their car. That’s just brilliant.

The Mormon Bikini Team manages to procure a young, local guy to be their guide…again, brilliant.

What’s unfortunate is Maria doesn’t know how to drive a stick-shift. I told the UberHusband that if we were going to be on The Amazing Race, one of the first things I’d do is brush up on my manual transmission skills. Unfortunately, Maria can’t get the car out of the parking lot, which ticks off the other teams who did brush up on their manual transmission skills. Maria finally gets the car into gear and herky-jerky drives off. I felt really bad for Maria…she had the same look on her face I had when my dad was trying to teach me to drive our old Volkswagen Rabbit back in 1988.

Mary Jean wants to know what happened…apparently, she and Grampa Don were supposed to be smarter than the other teams. Jonathan and Victoria continue to fight…not bicker…fight. She whines, he yells and throws his arms around while still managing to drive the car.

As much as I love Kris, I have to give her the coveted Amazing Quote of the Week award for, “As a geography major in school, I know where we’re going and how to get there.” Uhhhhhhh…er…..okay. I was a political science major in school…guess I could run for President?

Lena & Kristy make it to the Fahrvernugen ski jump first. Aha…Roadblock. But this season kids, we have a twist. Jerry Bruckheimer, apparently fed up with the fact that the women were dumping all of the Roadblock challenges on their unsuspecting male partners, has implemented a rule that each team member can only do 6 of the Roadblocks. This time, they have to ride a zip line to the end of the ski jump. Sweeeeeeeeeet! How fun! Once completed, they’ll go to a traditional viking village and receive their next clue. Of course, Lena & Kristy’s manservant knows exactly where to go.

Adam & Rebecca, or Team Potato Eyes, bugs the crap out of me. Seriously. Here’s what we know about these two:

They’re “formerly dating” but continue to talk like they’re still a couple. Gah.

He’s living with his parents.

She asks him, “Are you going to wimp out on me?”

As he careens down the zip line, he constantly yells that he loves his mom.

Meredith & Maria finally make it to the Roadblock…”Who’s up for an Olympic challenge?” That’s right ladies…put your car in gear and drive all the way back to where you started. Hee. Good luck.

Everyone finishes the Roadblock, but not before Gus dumps the challenge on Hera and Don takes it away from Mary Jean. I guess those two had an agreement that she would do the no-strength-required challenges. I’d be pissed off, too.

Welcome to a traditional viking village! More marital bickering and Victoria gets her head whacked by the trunk of the car as Jonathan runs into the viking village yelling, “WE’RE NUMBER ONNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNE! YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! YOU’RE A WHINER AND A COMPLAINER, WE’RE NUMBER ONE!” The Mormon Bikini Team just laughs at him and continues to apply lip balm. Jonathan further shoves his foot up his ass with, “She had NO CONFIDENCE in me. This game TEACHES YOU about YOURSELF! I am SO PROUD OF MYSELF!”

The next morning, the teams are split up into two boats of 5 teams and they race across a fjord. I was surprised that Team Successful was so efficient while Team Unsuccessful, under the capable instability of Lord Jonathan, was so unsuccessful. Not. Team Successful wins. Clue-rip. Teams must now train and drive a long way to this marked bridge, where they’ll receive their next clue. Whenever I see a bridge, I think one thing - a Detour where Good Choice is jumping off the bridge. Let’s watch…

Freddy & Kendra, of The Losing Boat, lose their clue two seconds after opening it and cavalierly retrieve another out of the box. I said to the UberHusband, “Wait, they can’t do that, right?”

Adam is the world’s biggest baby. To be honest, and I’m embarrassed to admit this, but he reminds me of an ex-boyfriend of mine. If you’re reading this, you know who you are. For some stupid reason, Rebecca told him to take his glasses off in the boat. He told her to shut up, then took them off. Hee. Guess he lost his glasses because, through gritted teeth and jerky head nod towards Rebecca in the back seat, Adam barked, “If you ever tell me to take my glasses off again, I’m never going to talk to you…in my…for the rest of my life. Do you understand me, Rebecca? Thank you. Thank you very much. I have no glasses. Thank you.” Well dude…why are you still driving the car?

Then, Adam and Rebecca have The Talk, where he goes all Drama King on her, his face falls and waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah HE DOESN’T WANT HER TO NOT LOVE HIM. Geez…who has the power in that relationship? She threatens to dump him (again, I thought they were “formerly dating”) and he turns into Happy Fun Boyfriend, bends over and takes it from her. I don’t get couples like that.

Where were we…oh yeah, the marked bridge. Detour. In this Detour we again, have Bad Choice and in a fun, new twist this week, Worse Choice. In Bad Choice/Accuracy, teams must successfully complete three traditional Viking games. Sadly, Jenga isn’t one of them, although that would have been fun. In Worse Choice/Endurance, teams must roller ski 1 3/4 miles downhill…successfully…to receive their next clue.

Why anyone even bothered with roller skiing, I don’t know…especially when it started raining. More male whining about “wasting time” and the Mormon Bikini Models snowplow before switching to Bad Choice. I empathized…just ask the UberHusband about my aborted attempts at learning to snowboard last February.

Once completing the Detour, teams must travel to a location I had to wait until this morning to find on the CBS website because Channel 11 was running a Severe Thunderstorm Warning across the bottom of our screen, which blocked out the name of the 1,000-year old traditional farm.

Nesheimstunet Village is the Pit Stop for this leg of the race.

I wanted to slap Mary Jean. Apparently, back in the Stone Age when she was in college she had an unfortunate incident with a bow-and-arrow and still carries that around with her. Get over it and move on already.

Kris & Jon…Team Sweethearts…you are TEAM NUMBER ONE! Take that, Jonathan! They’re number one, they’re number one! They also won an Alaskan cruise. Sweet. This show has come a long way since the days of handing out flimsy Kodak EasyShare cameras, eh?

Botox & LoudMouth are Team #2. Damn.

Gus & Hera are Team #3. Gus unenthusiastically grumbles, “That’s good.” Phil, obviously pissed that Gus doesn’t understand this is a race around a world for a million bucks, replies, “That’s real good!”

Freddy & Kendra are the sixth team to arrive, which we find out, is not the same as Team #6. Because they violated an Amazing Rule by taking the replacement clue out of the clue box earlier, they have to stand over in a corner for the duration of their 30-minute penalty and watch other teams pass them by. Neener neener. I love the countdown clock in the corner every time they cut to the Penalty Box. At the beginning, Freddy & Kendra are kind of snipping at each other and with five minutes left, she’s sitting on his lap, crying.

Unfortunately, Meredith & Maria arrive last and are eliminated from the race. I liked them, but they weren’t exactly a winning team. Now they can watch Jonathan and Victoria self-destruct like the rest of us.

Next time on…The Amazing Race…Jonathan and Victoria reach the boiling point (yawwwwwwwwwwwn) and teams get to go to Ikea!