Once I kind of got over the whole well-Toto-we’re-not-in-Malibu-anymore thing on last night’s premiere of The Jen Schefft Bachelorette Experience, I got on board with the show. Chris “Why doesn’t anyone ever give me a rose?” Harrison played doorman, asked entirely too many questions about Andrew Firestone and Jen’s relationship with him and then turned Jen and her gal pals (impersonating waitresses so they could get inside dirt on the men…ha!) loose on 25 “bachelors who may or may not be there for the right reasons.”
Two of the guys this season are virgins, so I’m betting that at least in their opinions, they’re definitely there for the right reasons…and one of them went on to the next round.
As with all previous seasons, you can tell why some of these dorks are still bachelors:
David, 30, Marketing Consultant from Chicago: He’s in Marketing, so he has to know how to sell himself (his words), he works out a lot (his words again) and he wears tight clothes. Sigh. Still his words. Marketing Mark must have had tight clothes on because during the Rose Ceremony, he passed out and collapsed. Nice. You never get a second chance to make a third impression. Buh-bye.
Chris C., 27, Hair Stylist from Campton, Kentucky: Once I acknowledged that he’s probably the only guy with the Jon Bon Jovi haircut in Campton and he probably gave it to himself because Joe Bob down at the barber shop didn’t know how to do them fancy haircuts, he started drinking. He never stopped. There’s nothing worse than a redneck who is a mouthy, sloppy drunk; except perhaps for…
Requisite Creepy “Stalker” Stu, 27, Attorney from New York City: He watched the entire season of The Bachelor with Andrew Firestone (a red flag in and of itself, unless he had a girlfriend at the time who made him watch it) and has basically fawned over the Jenster ever since…or so the producers would have you believe. We need a psycho every season, and Stu is this season’s target. As long as he doesn’t try to make out with our bachelorette on the first group date, we should be okay for at least a couple of episodes.
Fabrice, 28, Real Estate Investor from Paris, France: “Jenneeeeee…deeeeed you see zat epeeesode of Sex and Zee City when Carrie was in Pareee? Oui! Fabrice would never do zat to vous!” I made that quote up, but even if I hadn’t, don’t date or even think about marrying a guy whose name sounds alarmingly like a fabric deodorizer.
On the flip side, here are the guys I did like…
Wendell, 32, Entrepreneur from Chicago: Sure, he kind of looks like a dork but he’s nice, he’s friendly, he seems considerate and you probably wouldn’t create short children with him. Plus, he’s local for Jen.
Michael, 31, Teacher from Monroe, Michigan: This guy was just nice…plus, gifts…gifts are always good. I missed part of their conversation about that but got the impression that his dad was her dad’s big brother at a fraternity or something? Now, that would be karma…not to mention a great story for the kiddos in a decade or so.
Everyone seems to be fawning over Art Gallery Director Jerry (29, from La-La Land), but although he’s cute, there wasn’t anything else about him that really stood out for me.
Ryan, 28, Teacher from Manhattan Beach, California: How can you not like a guy who’s a middle school teacher? Aside from not necessarily wanting another Ryan to win our fair maiden, he’s cute. And nice. And…he got our Jen to confess that her ideal man doesn’t have to have a family background in tires or wine to melt her heart.
Both guys named Andrew and Andy are out for obvious reasons, Ben skates by because, although he’s from Aspen (been there, done that) he has a charming Clay Aiken meets Kermit the Frog aura about him. That can’t be a bad thing.
I’ve always loved the montages of “This season on…The Bachelorette…” because they hint at Dating! Drama! that quite often, isn’t as dramatic as we’re initially lead to believe. After watching it though, I’m kind of preparing myself for a Brandon-Kelly-Dylan confrontation of “I choose ME” with Jen walking away from all the losers who aren’t worthy of her love or anything beyond the six weeks ABC has allotted them.
Should be fun. I’m on board.
