She was yelling something about an apple, a tree and…something about not falling far, I believe. OJ Simpson’s 19-year-old daughter Sydney was arrested and charged with resisting arrest. Daddy must be so proud.

Midwest Airlines is now giving your pets frequent flier miles! You know, I’m okay with this as long as my dogs don’t ever get automatically upgraded to First Class, while I sit back in Coach like a schmuck. And please, no headphones for the in-flight entertainment…they can only understand about a hundred words anyway.

Survivor’s Richard Hatch is a sneaky, conniving weasel who will do anything to further his own selfish, arrogant agenda! No, really!

Toniiiiiiiiiiiiiiight, toniiiiiiiiiiiiight, I’ll fire you, yes, toniiiiiiiiiiiiiight: Get ready for The Apprentice: The Musical. I laughed, I cried. It was better than Cats. Not really. But…how great would it be to see a one-man performance of The Apprentice: The Musical, done with characters from The Simpsons? Mr. Burns as The Donald. Mrs. Krabapple as Carolyn…Comic Book Guy as George…Sideshow Bob (or perhaps, Justin Guarini as Sideshow Bob) as Stacie J. and of course, Lisa as Omarosa.

American Idol kicked off it’s latest season this week. Please, I know that in the aftermath of 9/11 it’s hip and cool to be patriotic but please…please…no more screechy Super Bowl-sized renditions of “God Bless America” or “The Star Spangled Banner”. That’s kind of like burning the flag. Thanks. Stick to vanilla been-there-heard-that songs like, “You Are the Sunshine of My Life,” anything by Whitney Houston and the entire Peabo Bryson catalog. Thanks so much.

Deep, Cleansing Breath. Have I mentioned Jonathan Baker and the V-Chip were eliminated from The Amazing Race on Tuesday? I have? Twice? Okay. You can’t tell me though, that it doesn’t feel good to read that over and over and over. Like a homemade soup, it’s even better after a couple of days.