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Dear Snarky,

I am 18 years old, in my first year of college. Before I explain my dilemma, I admit I’m an only child and unaccustomed to having a roommate and everything that comes with it. I have known the girl I am rooming with for quite a while but have never been particularly close to her. Since we’ve gotten to school, I’ve learned a lot about her: mainly that she likes to use anything and everything that belongs to me. She uses my $120 hair goop daily, my hair dryer, dishes, silverware, calculator, etc.

I’m not stingy; if she asks, I usually don’t mind letting her borrow my things. It’s when she uses them without asking or telling me, however, that I become upset. She also uses things that have to be replaced often, such as toothpaste and deodorant. It seems that she doesn’t buy these things because she knows I have them.

Another issue that has recently come up is food. I came back from a visit home to find that she’d eaten my last frozen pizza, half of a bag of pepperoni, my last tortilla, and she had drunk my chocolate milk. I’ve never mentioned any of this because we get along really well and I don’t want to cause any awkwardness. I just wanted to hear your view and see if you had any suggestions.

—No Longer an “Only”

Dear No Longer an Only,

Wait a minute. You have $120 hair goop? Snarky’s hair goop doesn’t cost that much. Surely if you can afford that, you can afford to feed your roommate and provide her with toiletries.

Anyhoo…Snarky was in your position back in college. She too is an only child and went through the shock of having a roomie her freshman year and boy, oh boy, was her roomie a doozy. She was a Southern California princess with a fake ID, a $600-a-month allowance, a brand spanking-new VW Cabriolet and a serious drinking habit. She moved out at the end of the first quarter because…get this…she told her parents Snarky partied too much and wouldn’t let her do her homework. Ha. Yeah, they bought it but that’s okay because then Snarky got the world’s greatest dorm roomie after that.

Snarky finds it so ironic that people claim to “get along really well” with people, then turn around and ask for advice from a stranger on how to get along really well with someone. You’re A-OK with her taking advantage of you, but not okay with sticking up for yourself?

Welcome to college.

Have you…and Snarky knows this is stretching here…asked her why she uses all of your stuff? If you ask it in a non-threatening way (i.e., no twangy intonations in your voice, no ghetto finger waving and absolutely no lip curling), she’ll probably be honest with you. Maybe she doesn’t have enough money to buy these things. Maybe she’s a klepto whose cave-dwelling parents made her brush her teeth with baking soda.

Maybe…maybe she’s jealous that you have $120 hair goop. It drove me nuts that Perfect Pretty Princess was able to buy Clinique makeup and had Paul Mitchell shampoo and Snarky was stuck with Maybelline and Salon Selectives. Yeah, Snarky used her shampoo a couple of times but she didn’t empty the bottle or anything.

The thing about college is that you have to learn how to get along with people…and how to communicate. You have to learn how to stick up for yourself and protect yourself. You have to learn the fine art of compromise and compassion.

Worse comes to worse, buy a locking file cabinet and put all your stuff in it. She can’t use what she can’t get to. That’s the passive-aggressive route though, and doesn’t really solve anything except it furthers your fear of confrontation and creates an atmosphere of animosity which, is pretty much where you are now so that would be a wash.

Ask your roommate…talk to her. If you get along really well, it really shouldn’t be a problem. After you’ve hashed everything out, hug, go find a kegger, get drunk and hook up with a couple of cute guys. Just don’t let them near your food or deodorant.

So Glad She’s Not 18 Anymore,
Snarky