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You know the Bachelor/Bachelorette franchise is continuing it’s downward spiral when it starts blatantly ripping off elements of far superior reality shows.

We’re down to the final six on The Jen Schefft Bachelorette Experience. I guess I can deal with the whole love letter-writing campaign, although most married women will tell you that she didn’t decide to accept her husband’s proposal because he had a way with prose.

Anyhoo, the men who tickled Jen’s verbal fancy were Ryan (whom I like) and Jerry (whom I don’t) and they got to go on Exciting! Romantic! Dates! with Jen. Ryan’s date consisted of a ride on a fire truck and then takeout food by candlelight. How very Carrie Bradshaw. Jerry’s date consisted of dinner with musical accompaniment by Faux Harry Connick, Jr. Then, in the most shocking date conversation ever…gasp…Jerry had the nerve, nay, the good sense…to basically ask Jen if she was there for the right reasons. Ha.

Now, I’m not Jerry’s biggest fan, but we spend all of these weeks listening to Jen wax poetic about her potential suitors being there for the right reasons. Let’s exercise some of that equal time thing! If I’m going to compete with a gaggle of other men, I want to know that she is here for the right reasons and doesn’t just want to avenge the Firestone Prophecy.

Although initially irritated by this line of questioning, just a few short minutes later Jen was dancing and making out with Jerry next to a glistening pool…whatever. The one funny thing about this is, before Jerry showed up at Jen’s sexy loft, she was saying that if the writer was who she thought it was, she had a bit of a crush on him and could see where things went. Since she never said anything about it again, I’m guessing Jerry wasn’t the crush.

The group date consisted of eating pizza in Little Italy. Oh boy. Where do I sign up. Kermit tried desperately to make up for lost time but buddy, there just ain’t no connection. You can’t force one just because your clock is ticking. After yet another awkward conversation with Febreze, Chris Harrison shows up (unannounced!) and tells the Jenster to hop into a limo and go to the Empire State Building, because he needs to talk to the boys.

And with that, we begin The Amazing Bachelorette Race! Six bachelors remain. Who will be eliminated…next?

Roadblock!

A Roadblock is a task that only four bachelors can perform. In this Roadblock, bachelors must give up their wallets, cash and dignity and find their way to this urban structure, the Empire State Building. Once there, bachelors must have their hopes dashed as they realize the elevators won’t take them anywhere and they must defer to the Almighty Staircase. Once at the top, they must find the yellow and red route marker bouquet of red roses, and Jen will give them the clue they’ve been lacking. And, they’ll get the final one-on-one date.

The last one to arrive may be Jeniminated.

This scene was just funny. Three of the guys were running around trying to get to the Empire State Building, begging cab drivers and saying, “We’re in a race! Drive fast! I’m competing against three other guys!” When Jonathan Baker divorces the V-Chip, I want him to come on The Bachelorette so we can see brute force idiocy in it’s purest form.

Cut to Febreze strolling through the nippy autumn New York streets, then cut to Febreze saying that rather than competing with the three other guys, he’s going to just go home. You know Monsieur Le Pew, if you walk about 3,000 blocks the other direction you’ll get to JFK and you can just fly home.

Wendell (yay!) makes it to the top of the Empire State Building and greets the Jeniminator, who declares that he’s the first bachelor to arrive. The good news is, as the winner of this Roadblock, Wendell has won a romantic vacation to…the gift shop at the top of the Empire State Building, where he will sip champagne with Jen and stare at a yummy-looking cake that will probably go uneaten.

Ben and John Paul (can’t say his name without thinking of the guy from American Idol last season) arrive at the top of the Empire State Building, tired, breathless…with their egos shattered. Did the elevators at least take them back down to the lobby? Sure hope so.

In the least dramatic rose ceremony ever, Febreze SHOCKS AMERICA by admitting not to being gay, but to not wanting to marry Jen. Nothing shocking about that, pal. We all knew that. He leaves, then Jen makes the dumbest decision ever by keeping lip-deficient John Paul and unloading Kermie.

Next week, the Jeniminator visits the families of the four remaining bachelors. Good times.