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I Haven’t A Square To Spare: The Florida legislature wants to tax toilet paper. Talk about money literally going down the drain. Don’t like that? How about…what a crappy idea?

Why Yes, I Would Like Fries With That: Dutch cafeteria worker fends off robber with piping hot french fries.

Take *This* Under Advisement, Jerkweed: In the same day, I read about how Bruce Willis has threatened his daughter’s suitors with bodily harm, and an article about how he was literally all up in Lindsay Lohan’s grill. If Bruce thinks he’s tough, he’s obviously never met Ms. Lohan’s daddy.

Serves ‘Em Right: Martina Navratilova is suing the sponsor of a credit card directly marketed to gays and lesbians, saying it uses her name and likeness after her request last month to stop. Let’s all be honest here…she’s just pissed she didn’t get a 0% introductory rate.

Your My Tax Dollars At Work: Texas defends the cupcake. I swear to God…if somehow my property taxes are raised even more because of this…eh, what do I care. I’m moving to Washington in a few months.

People All Over The World, Join Hands, Start A Love Train: The think-tankers at Dartmouth University have figured out why you can’t get that damn song out of your head…hee hee…now you’ll be singing “Love Train” all day. Hee.

He Was A’ight Before, Now He’s Quite Simply…A Dork: Seacrestized “rocker” Constantine makes it through to the final 12 of American Idol. I will bet ten gazillion dollars that had he been wearing that blasted Justin Guarini t-shirt on Monday night when he was performing instead of Wednesday during the results show, he wouldn’t be coming back next week. Seriously, dude. At this stage of the competition, he should know better. At least wear a Diana Degarmo t-shirt.