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Dear Auntie O’Snarkessy,

A few months ago, I met a man and we hit it off immediately—great conversation, lots of fun. We enjoyed each other’s company immensely. I am newly single and going through a divorce—so I am not looking for a serious relationship, just someone to spend time with and date. Several weeks went by before I saw this man again. But when we did finally get together, we ended up drinking a lot, slept together, and he stayed over at my place. Not once did I regret this spontaneous night; I really liked him and thought he felt the same for me.

He called the next day, and we decided to have dinner the next weekend. We had a great time at dinner. I decided to tell him about my divorce situation because I am in my early 20s, and most people don’t assume people my age are divorced. He told me he was not bothered by this information, thanked me for telling him, and said he still wanted to see me. The night continued to go smoothly. Once again, we slept together.

It has been over two weeks, and I have not heard from him. Was this man using me for sex, or was he really bothered by the marriage thing and decided to blow me off without saying anything? I have called once and left a message just saying hello. I really want to call him to ask what is going on, but all my friends say not to call. Was the connection I felt just an act?

—Confused in the City

Dear Not Confused, Just Delusional,

Top ‘o the morning to you, laddie! Auntie O’Snarkessy has one thing to say: he’s just not that into you.

You kids these days! Auntie O’Snarkessy finds it interesting that you seem to dwell on your in-progress divorced status as the #1 potential reason this guy hasn’t called. Is that all you talked about during your dinner? Maybe he doesn’t like the way you laugh. Maybe he was flipped out because you were so quick to have sex with him (Auntie O’Snarkessy won’t use the soft-focus “slept together,” let’s call a spade a spade). Maybe after going out with you a couple of times, he realized he didn’t click with you.

Sure…a phone call might have been nice, but what could he have said? “Sorry Confused, I had fun but…I’m not that into you.” Would you have accepted that and moved on or would you have poked and prodded and nagged at him until he finally gave in, and told you want you wanted to hear? Know what? He still would have dumped you.

Auntie O’Snarkessy also finds it interesting that you voluntarily slept with the guy twice, but because he isn’t behaving the way you wanted, you wonder if he’s “using” you. Any chance you were “using” him perhaps, to feel desired and wanted in the wake of your failed marriage? After all, you were willing to hop into bed with a total stranger and to some men, that’s not a good thing. They won’t turn you down of course, but they certainly may see you in a different morning light.

Anyhoo, don’t call him. He’s spoken pretty loudly and pretty darn clearly that he’s not interested. Uncle O’UberHusband has told Auntie O’Snarkessy many times (during discussions of why women set themselves up for such misery), if a man is interested, he will call. He will do whatever he needs to do to find you and spend time with you and show you he’s worthy of your time, attention, affection, loyalty and trust.

Men who are not interested will not do any of these things. They won’t even call. Men are very simple. They don’t play hard to get.

Magically deliciously,
Auntie O’Snarkessy