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Shame on Fox for leading us to believe that The O.C.’s big shootin’ showdown would happen at the Bait Shack of all places. Turns out that was just an innocent little drug deal gone bad, and Coke Whore Jess showed us that she has probably held a gun before and didn’t need Trey to feign doing her dirty work for her. Anyhoo…did she get her money? Did she get her drugs back? Methinks neither. Dude…summer’s gonna be a bummer for that girl.

Marissa’s head was grazed by broken glass…that was it.

In other news, Fox producers staged the best “we care about you…and your…ahem, problem” intervention since Dylan McKay was confronted by Mackenzie Phillips of all people, and I was in tears. Kirsten’s my hero mom…the kind of mom today’s women should strive to be…loving, but firm…not her children’s friend but their wiser parent. Well, you know, except for that whole alcoholism thing…and the adulterous temptation thing…but I digress.

It was entertaining to see Papa Coop and Hailey back in town, and even more entertaining to find out that their love affair didn’t make it too far past the Honolulu Harbor. My #2 favorite line of the night was when Jimmy told Hailey that the North Shore was something else. Her response? “So I’ve heard.” Hee. Oh Hailey, I do miss recapping North Shore.

My #1 favorite line of the night was when Marissa was apologizing to Julie for being such a bitch. Julie replied, “Apples. Trees. You are my daughter.”

Let’s recap what happened on last night’s finale…the Cohens squeezed in Caleb’s funeral around Kirsten’s intervention and subsequent trip to rehab, the Coopers (now with extra Jimmy!) decided to give this “family” thing another try and what…what’s that you say? Caitlin’s coming home from boarding school for the summer? And we’re going to miss it? I give The O.C. one more season before they bring Caitlin home as Marissa Jr. - tossed out from school because she gets into fights and tells everyone her pony is better than theirs.

Just. You. Wait.

Marissa tells Summer that Trey attacked her. Summer tells Seth that Marissa told her that Trey attacked her. Seth tells Ryan that Summer told him that Marissa told her that Trey attacked her. Ryan says something about trying to be someone he’s not and, long story short, our hero can’t keep his impulses under control and goes to Trey’s apartment to…I don’t know.

When Ryan gets there, Trey’s packing up because he’s splitting with Coke Whore Jess to Vegas (ah yes…guess she did get the cash). A fight ensues and Trey grabs the gun and points it at Ryan. Ryan pretends to back down then the holiest of all hells breaks loose. Fortunately, Seth calls Marissa and yanks her out of Family Dinner Time (geez, don’t families get to hang out with each other anymore?) because she lives closer and can…I don’t know.

Marissa arrives and jumps on Trey’s back because he’s choking Ryan. Trey knocks Marissa off and…right as Trey is getting ready to bring the old school rotary phone down on Ryan’s head…Marissa shoots him square in the back.

Dude…summer’s gonna be a bummer for that girl, too.

Well then. At least Oliver didn’t show up.