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Oh, Quit Being Dramatic

Written on May 25, 2005 – 1:47 pm | by Stacy |

Message received when I tried to unsubscribe from an email newsletter today:

Are you sure you want to unsubscribe from the InterVideo newsletter?

The newsletter is our way of alerting you to special deals and new InterVideo products–so that you will know about it before everybody else does. Besides, if you unsubscribe we will be very sad and we will probably mope around the office for several days, unable to eat or sleep. But if you truly must go, you are always welcome back.

Oh no InterVideo…don’t you dare try to guilt me like that! But then again…geez…I don’t want you mad at me…or disappointed in me. Maybe I didn’t put enough effort into our relationship. Maybe I could have smiled more and nagged less…maybe we could give this thing one more try…

Eh, screw it. Unsubscribe me.

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Dictionary of Corporate Bullshit Word of the Day

gap analysis: An official assessment of how something got screwed up; also functions as a form of penance for those who have screwed up, who will ensure their commitment to a thorough gap analysis to account for their commitment to a thorough gap analysis to account for their sins, though probably they are hoping some other crisis will make everyone forget they're supposed to be doing one.