Here’s your task for the day…work the following catchphrases into a conversation. It doesn’t have to be the same conversation and in fact, conversations about Grey’s Anatomy do not count. I’m hip to y’all’s sneaky ways.

Pink mist
Code black
McSteamy
Va-jay-jay
Dirty mistresses

For example: “I was boiling water to fix spaghetti, and it got very McSteamy in the kitchen.”

Your turn.

So I’m sitting here watching an episode of Little House on the Prairie…and I recognize the girl playing Belinda, Nancy Oleson’s arch-rival for queen of the school pageant.

Hey…that’s Jan Levinson-Gould!

That’s right…I recognized a 14-year old Melora Hardin, decked out in full Little House regalia. Who would have thought the angelic girl who got locked in the ice house overnight due to Nasty Nancy’s antics, would have grown up to be the chick who McMacks with Michael Scott 25 years later?

Combine that spotting with the fact that Michael Bluth also made an appearance in that episode…I’m almost overwhelmed by the wonder of it all.

Oh yeah…and yesterday Tobey Maguire played Friend #2 on an episode of Roseanne from the early 90s.

The iTunes meme…ripped off from a friend.

Total number of tracks: 972

Sort by song title:
* First Song: (I Could Only) Whisper Your Name - Harry Connick, Jr.
* Last Song: Zombie - The Cranberries

Sort by time:
* Shortest Song: The Girl From Yesterday (00:56) - The Eagles (from the live Hell Freezes Over disc)
* Longest Song: Got To Give It Up (11:52) - Marvin Gaye

Sort by album:
* First Song: Seasons of Love - “Rent” Soundtrack
* Last Song: Better Now - Collective Soul

Top 10 Most Played Songs:
1. Maybe I’m Amazed - Jem
2. 100 Years - Five For Fighting

3. Bittersweet Symphony - The Verve
4. Sunday Morning - Maroon 5
5. Sin Wagon - Dixie Chicks
6. Everyday Is A Winding Road - Sheryl Crow
7. Breathe - Faith Hill
8. No Such Thing - John Mayer
9. Hella Good - No Doubt
10. Come Back Down - Toad The Wet Sprocket

First five songs that come up on Party Shuffle:

1. Boy With The Two Big Heads - Spencer the Gardener
2. I Still Believe - Mariah Carey
3. Eyes Wide Open - Goo Goo Dolls
4. Miss Halfway - Anya Marina (damn you, McDreamy!)
5. Light It On Fire - Cowboy Mouth

Search for:
“sex”, how many songs come up?: 5
“love”, how many songs come up?: 107

“you”, how many songs come up?: 146
“death”, how many songs come up?: 1
“hate”, how many songs come up?: 0
“wish” how many songs come up? 2

So I’m at the gym this morning, because that was one of two habits I embarked upon acquiring last month (the other: daily flossing). I listen to my iPod while on the bike, but have the vantage point on the bike of being able to watch both Good Morning America and The Today Show From Torino Which We All Know Already So Quit Telling Me on the screens in front of me. By “watch,” I really mean “read the closed-captioning.”

On the Good Morning America side today, I learned about how there was apparently a devastating mood slide in the Phillipines and the mid-section of the country will be hit with a privileged cold front coming down from Canada. I swear, it was like a 35-minute Mad Lib.

On The Today Show, Katie Couric sampled fine Torinoian chocolates, insulted the vendor by asking him if what was in one of the jars was Nutella, then said she wanted to take some chocolate bars back to her friends at Rockefeller Center: “Milk chocolate for Matt, and dark chocolate for Al.” First Ray Nagin, now Katie. Tsk, tsk.

Burned 210 calories. I feel great. And yes, it is quite privileged outside.

Once again, the Army needs to add one more parameter to it’s database search query:

WHERE soldier.status = ‘already involuntarily mobilized, so don’t threaten him/her with involuntary mobilization’

USCENTCOM has a unique opportunity to fill several command requirements for IMA positions and tours. These tours are located in beautiful Tampa, Florida – at the award-winning MacDill Air Force Base. A database search has indicated that as an IRR soldier, you are available for voluntary and involuntary mobilization and might be interested in one of these select assignments.

If you are interested in an IMA position or tours at USCENTCOM please respond to this email NLT 28 February. We seek to match military, as well as civilian skills in filling our positions.

Please keep in mind that as an IRR soldier, you can be involuntarily mobilized and sent to wherever the army has a need. Currently, that is primarily Iraq, Afghanistan, Kuwait, and Horn of Africa. Although many of you may wish to be deployed, some of you may prefer to perform duty in Tampa.

We provide first rate corporate housing in Tampa and full per diem.

If you are interested please contact MAJ McMajor as soon as possible.

Thank you.

Capt. UberHusband’s comments: “I want to write back and let her know that I am more than aware that I can be involuntarily mobilized, and I would be more than happy to leave Iraq to visit lovely award winning Tampa.”

Superman, Can You Read My Mind?: Ladies, if your man isn’t attentive and romantic the other 364 days of the year, don’t pitch a fit and cry and whine about what a loser he is if your Utopian fantasies don’t materialize today. Besides, if he did show up with roses and candy, you’d probably gripe that (a) the roses will die in four days, (b) the candy will make you fat and (c) he only did all of this because he knew you’d get mad if he didn’t. Unless he completely forgets, cut the guy some slack. Having said that…

Embrace Your Inner McDreamy: Men…know your woman. Pay attention. If you hear her say, “Honey…I really like these pajamas and they would make such a fabulous Valentine’s Day gift,” she has just provided you with a clue. Don’t miss it. Trust yourself…you know what makes her happy and if you don’t, well…that’s why God created Walgreens. Hop to it. There’s nothing that drives a woman more wild than a man who appears to give a damn about her thoughts and interests. Seriously. I wouldn’t steer you wrong on this. If you’re so lucky as to have a Kirsten Cohen who will go so far as to flag pages in the Victoria’s Secret catalog (”Did you get me the black with the beige trim, or the beige with the black trim?”), hold her close and never let her go.

None Of That Lover’s Lament Crap: There are infinitely worse things in life than being single on Valentine’s Day. I remember being single on Valentine’s Day, and the day is only as miserable as you make it. If you start out the day hating coupled people and hating Hallmark and hating Walgreens for having shoved the holiday down your throat since January 2…well sheesh…no wonder you’re single. Go out to dinner. Believe me, people aren’t staring at you. They think you’re amazing for having the courage to go out, because they themselves do not possess that courage. Watch American Idol. Give your doggie a smooch and send e-cards to all your friends.

Misty Watercolored Memories: Purge those ghosts of Valentine’s Days Past. I remember…eight years ago, my then-boyfriend had a dozen long-stemmed red roses delivered to me at work. The sentiment fell flat for multiple reasons, one of which being he used his mom’s credit card to order them. He also seemed to get more of a kick out of the attention he got for sending them (we worked together) than whether or not I actually liked them. The only enjoyable part of that day was going to Albertsons after dinner and watching all the misfit men in the Express Lane buying last-minute cards and candy for 75% off.

That is all. Off you go.

This is the only place I’ve ever lived where I can have a turtleneck sweater and a pair of shorts in the same load of laundry.

There comes a point in every dog owner’s life when their dog begins advancing in age, and said owner starts to walk that delicate fine line between awareness and paranoia.

My friends, I am walking that line.

Cookie is a very predictable little dog. Her behavior is fairly regular and there are several things she’ll never pass up…treats, cheese, peanut butter and tummy rubs.

When I got back from the gym this morning, I went to spring the dogs from their kennels and as usual, Daisy bounded out tripping over herself and very excited to go outside. Cookie stumbled out of her kennel like a drunk and proceeded to bump into everything in her path between the kennel and the grass outside. Then, she stumbled her way back into the house. Now to be fair, I was moving in a similar fashion when I got up this morning (minus the “grass outside” part), so I sort of thought she was just having a tough time waking up…or I woke her up in the middle of REM sleep.

Anyway, her lethargic lack of coordination was nothing compared to the horror I experienced next…she…refused a treat. I kid you not. Not only did she refuse a treat, she turned her head away from cheese and peanut butter. The trifecta denied, I put her in a blanket on my bed and proceeded to take a shower. She stood solid as a statue and shook…and was still doing that when I got out of the shower. Her ears were droopy and Daisy wouldn’t quit sniffing her.

A little more concerned, I got dressed, threw my hair in a ponytail, put Cookie in her pink foofoo bed and surfed the internet to see if I could diagnose my poodle. Sadly, this article was of no help.

After my futile Blingo efforts, I shot my boss an IM that I was taking Cookie to the vet. When I came back out into the living room, Cookie was nowhere to be found. Turns out, she had decided to go sit under the table in the breakfast nook. Why, I have no idea. She never sits there.

Short story long, I took her to the vet, they poked and prodded and took her temperature. They gave her a bowl of chicken & rice soft dog food and she ate it all in fifteen seconds. Her ears were perky and she was acting as though the previous 2 1/2 hours never happened.

I felt like a fool.

Isn’t that always par for the course? Your teeth hurt…until you sit down in the dentist’s chair. Your car makes a weird clanging noise until the Service Advisor takes it for a spin around the block. Your dog exhibits bizarre behavior until the vet walks into the exam room.

By the way Cookie, thanks for the fire drill this morning. While I was wringing my hands at the vet hoping you were okay, I missed my opportunity to get great tickets to see Faith Hill & Tim McGraw this July with your daddy.

Grrrrr.

Snarkwife’s Top Ten Ways She Knows It’s Been A Long Time Since She Blogged

10. She just found out today that a new version of WordPress was released 40 days ago.
9. The last time she blogged, she was enjoying her Christmas tree and now, she’s enjoying the blooming tulips and daffodils in her neighbor’s yard.
8. She’s totally used to writing 2006 on her checks.
7. She has started actually communicating with friends and family, instead of just saying, “Didn’t you see my blog post about that?”

6. She engages in snarky repartee with her dogs during Grey’s Anatomy and The O.C.
5. Spider solitaire has gotten soooooooooooooooo easy to win.
4. She can’t come up with a #4 for this list.
3. People don’t seem nearly as stupid when she doesn’t write about them all day long, and that can’t possibly be accurate.

2. Capt. UberHusband says he misses her blog posts.

And…the #1 way she knows it has been a long time since she’s blogged…

Her deployment countdown calendar is now at 85 days.