Saturday we had all of the carpet replaced in our house…except for the dining room and foyer, which we had hardwood-floored (hardfloor wooded?) the week before.

It’s easier to do this with a timeline…

Friday, 10:00 AM - Capt. UberHusband calls to tell me the installers will be at our house between 9 and 10 a.m. the next day.

Saturday, 7:20 AM - We take Poodle and Schnoozer to the groomers, so they can spend the day getting pretty instead of barking at the carpet installers.

7:30 AM - With at least 90 minutes until the installers are supposed to show up, we decide to go to Mimi’s for a leisurely breakfast.

8:25 AM - We arrive home to find Mr. Carpet Installer sitting on our front yard, looking pissed. Turns out, the guy called our house at 7:48 AM to tell us he was on his way and to confirm someone was home. Then, he called again at 8:20 AM, asking if anyone was home. Apparently not dumbo, or we would have answered the door. I was livid. Furious. Totally unhinged. This guy messed up my master plan for the day. Our house was not ready for them to show up (it would have been ready by nine, though) and once we let them in, they started moving stuff and rearranging things and shoving things into the nook and the kitchen and the bathrooms.

10:30 AM - Capt. UberHusband says they’re moving along so quickly, they might be done by noon.

11:30 AM - Capt. UberHusband amends his completion time to 12:30.

12:00 PM - Capt. Uberhusband has to go to the bathroom, and both toilets are fully blocked by, well, half the items in our house. He drives down to the gas station and comes back with Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups for me. Awww.

12:30 PM - I have to go to the bathroom, and both toilets are fully blocked by, well, half the items in our house. I go to Chick Fil-A, get some lunch and use the facilities.

1:15 PM - We comment on how tired you can get sitting on the coffee table in your kitchen for several hours.

1:30 PM - We vow to not do any other significant home improvement projects for at least a year.

2:00 PM - We both start wondering when the installers are going to finish up, as the groomers have called and want us to pick up Poodle and Schnoozer. Capt. UberHusband says it shouldn’t be more than another hour or so.

3:00 PM - Capt. UberHusband points out to the lazy installers that they have neglected to replace the obviously old pad in all the closets. Installer #2 replaces the pad in the master bedroom closet.

3:30 PM - Capt. UberHusband points out to the lazy installers that they have placed carpet down over the obviously old pad in the rest of the closets. Installer #2 replaces the pad in the other closets.

3:45 PM - I go pick up Poodle and Schnoozer from the groomers because for God’s sake, this installation has to be over soon, right? I bring them home and we sit outside, enjoying the sweltering Dallas heat.

4:00 PM - The installers begin vacuuming the fruit of their labor, and their vacuum breaks. Capt. UberHusband offers up the use of our vacuum, after realizing they’ve been trying to fix their vacuum for the last 20 minutes.

4:30 PM - The installers finally finish, and we have them move two armoires before throwing them out of the house, saying we’ll finish moving everything back.

Short story long…our carpet is FABULOUS. It’s fuzzy and high-pile and super soft. Capt. UberHusband and I have been marvelling at it all week, as it’s cooler than any carpet we’ve ever had during our lifetime.

The house is almost put back together, too. We should be back to “normal” by the weekend.