Last night’s new episodes of Wife Swap and Supernanny helped CU and I realize a few things…

1. ABC needs to launch a new show called Husband Swap, so women can ship their whiny husbands off to a new family for two weeks.
2. Sometimes a 15-year old daughter can be smarter than both of her parents combined.
3. Female pirates don’t exist. Male pirates had their wenches, who served no purpose other than servicing multiple pirates either in or out of port, as it were.
4. Mad Sally is doing her daughter a great disservice by not encouraging her to become at least a thirty-dollar whore. She was really being lowballed at $20.
5. Apparently, you’re a mean mom if you don’t wipe your 7-year old’s ass after he goes to the bathroom. This was new to me.
6. Pinning your daughters down while you come at them wielding tweezers is not the way to groom their brows. If you can spend $36k on your house every year, you can take them in for a $10 waxing once a month. Hell, they can even get it done while they’re getting their nails done!
7. I’m not sure which is scarier, the fact that Pirattitude has a how-to book, or that Dave Barry was also involved.
8. CU and I miss instant messaging. When CU was deployed, we’d IM every day and one of our favorite Yahoo audibles was Big Gay Pirate (he had lipstick and an earring…you’d have to see it), who would say, “ARRR! Your booty shivers me timbers! ARRR!”
9. Messy, dirty, nasty slobs describe their homes as “lived-in,” “comfortable” or “chaotic.”
10. I don’t get the appeal of permanent lip liner. Really, I don’t.

And then…it was almost like he subconsciously heard me wonder aloud, “I wonder what a good pirate name would be for me?” Turns out, it’s Sword Jugglin’ Cynthia. Arrr!