The physical therapist’s office has become my new favorite place to study the social behaviors of people. You see, I like to study people - what they do, what they say…and try to figure out their motivations behind what they do and what they say.

For example, on the table next to me today while I was getting my neuro treatment, was one Ms. Chatty McChatty. She’s the one you pray you won’t get stuck next to on an airplane, because not only is she curious about everything going on in your life, she’s so super fabulous herself that she assumes you want to know everything going on in her life!

I usually can avoid folks like Chatty McChatty by simply keeping my eyes closed - after all, we’re in a place for healing and I can’t heal with some stranger yammering in my ear about how she’s grateful her 93-year old mother lives only 20 minutes away, since Mama is getting old and can’t take care of herself.

I made the grave error though, of opening my eyes and inadvertently making eye contact with McC. Immediately she asked, “What are you in for?” Like we’re in the county jail…shackled up and tied down for involuntary shock therapy. Since it wasn’t really any of her business how I hurt my knee, I just pointed at my knee with all of the electrodes attached and said, “My knee.” Well. McC hurt both her ankle and her shoulder and she’s trying to get in to PT as many times as possible this week blah blah blah because she starts a new job next Tuesday and can’t come as often blah blah new insurance blah blah blah.

This behavior isn’t limited to just the patients, either! No sireebob. Last week, I had the misfortune of being stuck with a tech whose tooth hurt. Aww…that sucks, right? Well. Turns out that she went to the dentist the day before and found out she needed a root canal before the dentist can put her new bridge in. Aww…that sucks, right? Well. I guess her dentist was a little persnickety during her after-lunch appointment, and she was cranky because whatever had happened to him earlier, he seemed to be taking out on her. So what does she do? She spends 15 minutes (while I’m on my weight machines and doing my PT obstacle course) telling me how annoying it is to work with a grumpy and unprofessional health care worker. Really. You don’t say. I did finally have to halt her conversation, telling her I kept losing count of my reps while trying to listen to her.

So…ironically…I now share this with you. Ha ha. Agony…pass it on!

Then…there’s the tech who looks like he’s about twelve. Seriously - he’s a young one. Turns out, he’s not so young where he hasn’t engaged in the pleasures of the flesh, because his equally-young girlfriend is due to give birth to an equally-younger baby this weekend. One mention of that, and all other women in the facility start chiming in with their labor and delivery stories…in unassumingly graphic detail.

Oh yeah, my knee is feeling better. Still a ways to go…but, baby steps. Oops…better not say that too loud or when I go back in on Friday, everyone will start talking about walking toddlers. {wink}

Well, another Christmas is upon us. No white Christmas for us, though. At one point last week, someone “Couldn’t rule out the possibility of some stray flurries” when in fact, it started raining yesterday morning and went clear through the day…then the evening…then overnight. Too bad it didn’t freeze overnight, or all of the puddles and ponds in our backyard would have made for some sweet ice skating this morning.

You know, for many people, Christmas is a time of tradition. As CU and I sit here…after opening the gifts, and cleaning up the mess, and watching Cookie’s tiny head nearly explode from all the overstimulation, and drinking the mimosas…I think about some of my favorite Christmas traditions…

Tradition #1 - All participants in morning gift-opening must have some sort of beverage prepared before the gift opening can begin. This one goes back to when I was little. The most agonizing part was that although it took about ten seconds to pour me a glass of juice, Mom’s circa-1978 Mr. Coffee Brew-o-matic 9000, I swear, took half an hour to brew a pot of coffee. No “pause ‘n pour” features back then…oh no…back then you had to freaking wait until the whole pot was made before you could pour anything. Now though, I can crank out a cup of coffee very quickly, and CU’s glass of water is a virtual no-brainer…but no unwrapping may occur before we have our beverages. This is sacred.

Tradition #2 - Leaving milk and cookies for Santa. I haven’t done this since I left home, but I do remember the pivotal year when I started leaving wine and cheese for Santa instead of more inocuous snacks. Had I know then what I know now though, I never would have encouraged drinking & Santa-ing.

Tradition #3 - CU and I purchasing the same thing for each other. I don’t know if this is a by-product of eight Christmases together, or that we’re just a lot alike…but three years ago, we bought Ove-Gloves for each other. To enhance the fun, my mother-in-law bought one for us, as well. Last year, 8,000 miles apart, we bought each other a copy of Sideways on DVD and this year…we both got iPod Shuffles. Technically, Mom bought CU’s, but I was going to get him one, then offered it up to her as a perfect son-in-law gift idea. Can’t wait for next year…maybe we’ll buy his ‘n hers 72-inch plasma TVs.

Tradition #4 - Christmas Eve dinner at The Melting Pot. CU and I have done this every year we’ve been together, except for the first one, as he went back to North Carolina to visit his family. When Mom lived here, we took her with…and when CU was gone last year, I went with Ali (formerly of ladymac dot com) and her husband and kids. Yum-o. This naturally, lends itself to another unintentional holiday tradition, which is immediately changing clothes and showering after returning home, since every pore on our bodies and every fiber of our clothing smells like coq au vin cooking broth. Blech-o.

Tradition #5 - Ever since I was old enough to rot my teeth with sugar, Mom has gotten me one of those candy canes filled with M&M’s. When I was younger, it went into my stocking…and when I stopped opening a stocking at her house, she started packing it away cleverly with other gifts. This year, it came inside a sewing basket. Personally, I think all sewing baskets should now come with chocolate in addition to pins, needles, thread and scissors. I’ll add that to Snarkwife’s Holiday Shopping list for next year.

Awww…it’s all so warm and fuzzy…even by Snarkwife standards. Tradition is fun. Tradition is good. Fun is good.

As a postscript…remember that one package from my mom…the one Cookie kept scratching at? Turns out, it was pajamas for me. Cookie stuck her head into the empty box and rooted around for about thirty seconds. No matter what we told her, we’re pretty sure she was still convinced we’d hidden Grandma in there and were just not letting her out to be mean. Because, you know, we’re like that. We enjoy laughing at an aging blind poodle’s expense.

Merry Christmas, everyone!

You know how sometimes you’re sitting in front of your computer thinking, “I really want to post to my blog, but I have nothing to say”?

My good friend Dell gave me this slick book for Christmas - No One Cares What You Had for Lunch: 100 Ideas for Your Blog, and I am now thinking, “I really want to post to my blog, but I have way too many things to say.”

As bloggers (cue Meredith voiceover), we all experience blogblock from time to time, and I think this book will really be of benefit…and can do nothing but help jump-start stagnant creativity. At least I hope so, or else you’ll all be watching Cookie’s YouTube video o’ the day until Spring.

And in case you’re wondering, “Hawk this book” was not on the list of 100 ideas…although, that would have been great as #101.

In totally unrelated news…The O.C. did not disappoint…yet again…last night. The Area 51 New Rave’s Eve thing was a little odd, although I really did half-expect Seth’s cult-following to band together to chase down the Alien Martian Slut to get Summer’s purse back. If you haven’t seen the show…I’m sure that sounded quite strange.

My favorite scene though, was at the end. Jailbaitlyn’s poignant little dance with Bullett was a sweet reminder that little girls do need their dads - and Jimmy Cooper is still an ass for leaving Newport. Little boys don’t need their dads quite as much…as I’m sure we’ll find out in January when Papa Atwood (Kevin Sorbo…rrrrrrrow!) will likely engage in a poignant little fistdance with someone.

She’s still at it…

Some people overindulge in alcohol…others, drugs. Still others mask their pain and drown their sorrows by watching The Real World: Denver (that show would be way better if they’d stuck ‘em all in a snow cave instead of that sweet house).

Me? My new & dangerous vice is Fafarazzi. And sadly, I do think it is entirely possible to overdose on it.

Ironically, my vice is fed (i.e., my Fafarazzi scores skyrocket) when other people feed their vices.

By the way, I really, really, really need Philip Seymour Hoffman’s girlfriend to pop her baby out…that boy has been on my last three Fafarazzi teams and still no announcement. Maybe if I light a candle and chant…

We had some fun holiday drama last night here at Casa de Snark. Let me preface this by saying, Cookie and Daisy love, love, love my mom…Cookie, especially. My mom came down to Sacramento to visit me the day after I got Cookie (10 years and 7 days ago), so it would seem likely she’d have a pretty strong bond with her.

They spent lots of time with my mom when she lived here in Dallas for a few years, and now we only see Mom a couple times a year, but both dogs get eerily excited and giddy and they pace and growl and their ears perk up when I say the word, “Grandma.”

Last night, at…ahem…7:40 p.m., the UPS guy showed up to deliver Package 1 of 2 from my mom, with Christmas presents. We’re assuming Package 2 of 2 is CU’s box…since the first one had stuff for the dogs and three gifts for me…CU wasn’t that naughty this past year. Anyhoo, I unpacked the gifts and put them under the tree. Immediately, both Cookie and Daisy began sniffing one gift in particular like drug dogs in Miami who had hit the Colombian mother lode. Obviously, the paper must have smelled like Mom.

“Awww, how cute…I should get a video of this to send to Mom…would probably make her cry,” I said. Not more than sixty seconds after I said that, a fight broke out between Cookie and Daisy. A fight. Imagine the NBA brawl from last week…that’s pretty close to the level we had to break up. I almost started laughing though, when CU had contained Cookie, because her mouth was still going full-tilt, with full toothitude. I’m sure she was still growling smack at Daisy with some sort of “Bring it on!” action.

Speaking of full toothitude, CU’s arm came between Cookie and, I assume, what she thought was Daisy. You know those photos when people are bitten by a snake, and you see four distinct tooth marks? This was better, because there were only three…Cookie’s not quite as fierce since she had one of her fangs removed a couple of years ago.

After the altercation, we calmed everyone down…distracted them for a few minutes, then Cookie decided she was going to break Grandma out of Gift Jail. She kept scratching at the gift…and scratching…and scratching…willing us to release Grandma so she could kiss her to death. I finally did catch it on video, while talking to Mom and regaling her with stories about how her granddogs got into a raging pawfight over her.

Silly dogs. After about three more minutes of scratching, we finally distracted Cookie for good with a doggie treat. Food always trumps Grandma.

If you’re really hard up for a last-minute gift idea…teehee…

CU and I were at Lowe’s last night…seems now that we’re done with major home purchases, it was the perfect time for the wiring in our overhead kitchen light fixtures to wig out. Naturally.

Anyway, as we were walking out to the car, we noticed one of those ever-present “elevated police observation pods” - you know what I’m talking about, the things you now see at movie theaters and shopping malls…and apparently, Lowe’s - a veritable hotbed of criminal activity.

Funny thing though - the pod was empty. Or at least, I assume it was empty - there could have been an officer up there, or a young cadet and his hottie girlfriend…or even a litter of puppies…the window tinting made it sort of tough to see.

I suppose the tinting is supposed to give us, the unsuspecting public, the impression that there may or may not be some sort of gun-toting law enforcement official up there, so don’t commit a crime! I know it deterred us - we opted not to try to shove one of the gas grills on display in front of the store into the trunk of the Acura.

We also saw one at the movies last weekend…in the parking lot…at 10 a.m. on a Sunday morning. What do you think - was it manned?

Well, I’m back to walking, breathing and blogging amongst the living. Nothing some high octane drugs, wine tasting and time with CU couldn’t fix.

Mom called today at lunchtime and asked me if I was all ready for Christmas. I told her it was, but it was so warm outside that it hardly seemed very festive. This is usually when CU likes to regale me with stories about what Christmas was like in Hawaii…76 degrees with brief windward and mauka showers.

Uh…yeah…that’s why people like going there in December! Hee.

The best thing about the holidays this year, obviously, is having CU here, with me, on the correct side of the planet. He got an email from The Army, and it appears as though they’ve received his third resignation letter and are processing it. Ironically, he also got an email the same day letting him know the Major promotions board would be convening next Spring…and I guess he’s on the list.

I was sort of hoping I would be able to call him Major UberHusband (”I have a major uberhusband!”) at least once in an official capacity, but it looks like he is mere moments away from being permanently separated from the US Army…and has zero motivation to back out at this point. I don’t blame him - and besides, the acronym “MU” looks silly.

Hormonal. Back hurts.  Mood swinging.

Hoping Taylor, Ryan and The Ghost of Marissa Past will perk me up later.

Question: I heard that someone on Grey’s will get pregnant. Would you happen to know who?— Katie

Ausiello: Not sure about that, but I can tell you who’s getting engaged: George and Callie! Although no one within six degrees of Shonda Rhimes would confirm it (shocker!), one well-placed mole tells me that they’ll make the announcement during February sweeps. Now, why do you suppose George and Callie — who were still broken up in the last episode — would rush into marriage so quickly? Hmmm….

I’m going to unabashedly rip her off and ask the age-old, yet timely question…which Christmas song would you eliminate from the airwaves, television, commercials and the iTunes Music Store if you could?

For me…I’d obliterate everything from the Jessica Simpson Christmas Songbook. Generally, everyone sounds good singing Christmas carols - except her.

And on the flip side…which songs do you love? For me, it’s “Christmas Wrapping” by The Waitresses (so retro), Christina Aguilera’s version of “This Christmas” and Amy Grant’s “Grown-up Christmas List.”

This time last year, I was sitting around, twiddling my thumbs and waiting for the blasted holiday season to be over.

Because I wanted to ensure CU’s Christmas presents made it to him before he returned, I gave myself a deadline of the Monday after Thanksgiving to have everything bought, wrapped and shipped. While I was at it, I figured, why not do the same for everyone else?

And so I did…the Monday after Thanksgiving last year, everyone’s Christmas gifts were shipped - and if I recall, the Christmas cards went out December 1. That’s a pretty general thing for me - I like to get my cards done and out early. Because of all that, I had roughly a month with nothing to really do…and very little new television, to boot.

This year was a whole other ball of wax. I blame the Corporate Holiday Party, which ripped from my delicate little hands very valuable weekend time. We usually trim our tree and put up all the decorations the first weekend in December…but thought ahead and did all of that while Mom was here over Thanksgiving.

The cards have trickled out over the past few days…and all of the Christmas packages were finally UPS’d out yesterday. I’m waiting on one more gift for CU, then he’s done.

One guy I worked with was stunned and amazed I had “so much done so early.” Whaa?

Please tell me I’m not the only one out there who prefers to do all this earlier rather than later.

Another co-worker and I (the same one who watched along, in horror, as the Dunder Mifflin holiday sandwich reared it’s ugliness) came up with two new words, courtesy of typing too fast:

argree - You agree with someone, but you’re still fired up about the situation: “I argree with you, dancing like that at a holiday party was just downright tacky!”

sonfusing - When your male child has done something you find perplexing: “This is all so sonfusing, I don’t understand why he had to paint his bicycle pink.”

As usual, I encourage everyone to try to work these words into conversation today!

So…on How I Met Your Mother last night…was “bitch” the word Ted called Lily?

If so, why was the word disguised? They say “bitch” on TV all the time…don’t they?

Or, are we supposed to think maybe this group isn’t as white-bread as they’re portrayed…and Ted maybe said something a little less socially acceptable?

And…Two and a Half Men - funniest episode of the season, hands down. For a show that, IMO, has really been suffering this season…when you get all of the show’s characters into one house, you just can’t go wrong. Plus, I love that they keep bringing Candy back. Adore her.

We went to see The Holiday yesterday, and I was really disappointed. Geez, I hate saying that. I remember when we first saw the trailer a few months back…it looked like a fantastically fluffy, holiday romantic comedy…with Jack Black! How awesome would it be, I thought, to see Jack Black venture out into the romantic lead category with the super-fab Kate Winslet?

Having seen the movie, I’m sure it would have been great, had they given the guy more screen time and allowed him to do something other than be the same Jack Black we see in every movie. He’s starting to turn into Jim Carrey…you give a guy The Truman Show, then he gives you Bruce Almighty.

The premise is this - Kate Winslet and Cameron Diaz, disillusioned with their lovelives and general state of things, swap houses for a couple of weeks around Christmas to recharge, re-energize and get away from the Mean Men In Their Lives. Before you even buy your popcorn you know they’re paired with Jack Black and Jude Law, so really…how can this possibly go wrong?

The one thing I do know about myself is I lean towards being a hopeless romantic (I cried at the end of The Lake House, for pete’s sake), so I was up for peppermint-crusted romance and fun. The unfortunate part about the movie was it over-emphasized the Cameron Diaz/Jude Law (Amanda/Graham) pairing and under-emphasized the Kate Winslet/Jack Black (Iris/Miles) coupling.

I can’t even call what Iris & Miles had a coupling…there weren’t really hints at any sort of significant interest until the end of the movie, but by that point I thought Iris would be better off with aging screenwriter Arthur Abbott.

Actually, when I saw what a weenie Miles was and how he allowed himself to totally be steamrolled by his actress “bad girl” girlfriend, I thought Iris would be better with Arthur or one of Arthur’s “Old Hollywood” cronies. Who knows…maybe test audiences just couldn’t hack watching Jack Black kiss anyone.

There’s also this subplot involving assumed-cad-about-town Graham not really being a cad-about-town but rather a lonely dad whose wife died two years ago. And of course, his girls absolutely adore Amanda, encouraging her to watch Dad make a fool of himself as Captain Napkin (or whatever it was), inviting her to their tented princess lair, and calling their family “The Three Musketeers” just like Amanda’s family did when she was young…all at the first meeting! Cue: awwwwwww!

And just like that…in a mere wisp of a moment, all of Amanda’s unresolved childhood issues and fears of commitment and inability to cry melt away like the snow in England seemed to do about ten times during her two weeks there. I may be a romantic, but I’m a pragmatic romantic.

Nancy Meyers, I loved Something’s Gotta Give, and I loved What Women Want. I really wanted to love this movie, too.  There were some really cute moments (Amanda’s problems playing out in movie-trailer fashion come to mind), but I can’t recommend it.

Oh, for crying out loud.

BELLMEAD- A four-year-old hugged his teachers aide and was put into in-school suspension, according to the father. But La Vega school administrators have a different story.

Damarcus Blackwell’s four-year-old son was lining-up to get on the bus after school last month, when he was accused of rubbing his face in the chest of a female employee.

The prinicipal of La Vega Primary School sent a letter to the Blackwells that said the pre-kindergartener demonstrated “inappropriate physical behavior interpreted as sexual contact and/or sexual harassment.”

If that teachers aide, or the principal of La Vega Primary School, seriously and honestly interpreted what that little boy did as “sexual contact and/or sexual harassment”…maybe they’re the ones who need to be put on some sort of in-school suspension.

Because you know, it takes a pretty sick adult to chalk up a little kid’s demonstration of affection as sexual. That would be more concerning to me than anything the child did.

Stupid people really piss me off…and it is truly frightening they’re allowed to wander around unchecked in society.

Let’s play a game…since it’s Friday, and I still have 23 Mad Libs-a-day on my 2006 calendar. Post your “word” in the comments section…in order. So, if you’re the first one to comment, give a Celebrity name…and so forth. Once we’re done, I’ll post the story.

CU provided the last word (as always, heh), so here we go…

Good Excuses

Dear Math Teacher,

I was driving Kevin Federline/Patrick Dempsey to school when the shoes failed and my car crashed into a kidney. By the time the tow bamboo arrived and the gnarly mechanic skipped the coffee, he/she had missed your festering class.

Good work! What do you say? Want to get together and do this again sometime?

HOLIDAY SUPER CRUISING MISSION #10
December 8th

Your mission for today is to wrap and decorate!!! Set your timer for 15 minutes and see how many packages you can get wrapped! Have fun and enjoy this! Put on some Holiday music and get into the spirit of the season.

For an added bonus mission, set your timer for another 15 minutes and set out some of the Holiday decorations that you have not gotten up yet and/or set your holiday cards that you have received out for display.

We are having fun this season by FLYing 15 minutes at a time!!!

Fly Lady must be on some serious meth this season…it is physiologically impossible for me to have fun while doing something for 15 minutes with a timer ticking in the background. I spent half an hour wrapping CU’s presents yesterday, and just about burst into tears because I couldn’t get my ribbon into the right kind of bow…and I didn’t even have a timer.

Grey’s Anatomy is a repeat tonight, so why not wander over to Fox and watch The O.C.? It’s new…and it’s a lot of fun. I promise.

I’m the first one to bash a show when it (a) sucks or (b) is starting to suck…and The O.C., if for no other reason than the brilliant matching of Ryan and Taylor “I like Korean guys and school administrators” Townsend, has managed to…well, I don’t know what the opposite of jumping the shark would be.

For those of you who were turned off by how lame the show got last season, it’s better this year. Jailbaitlyn, who speaks exactly like how you would imagine a 25 year-old writer would imagine a 15 year-old would speak, is a hoot, too.

Give it a shot…what else do you have to do…wrap Christmas presents? Eh…you still have 18 days.

This is truly what some kids need this holiday season…an evening in the slammer.

COLUMBIA, South Carolina (AP) — A fed-up mother had her 12-year-old son arrested for allegedly rummaging through his great-grandmother’s things and playing with his Christmas present early.

The mother called police Sunday after learning her son had disobeyed orders and repeatedly taken a Game Boy from its hiding place at his great-grandmother’s house next door and played it.

He was arrested on petty larceny charges, taken to the police station in handcuffs and held until his mother picked him up after church.

“My grandmother went out of her way to lay away a toy and paid on this thing for months,” said the boy’s mother, Brandi Ervin. “It was only to teach my son a lesson. He’s been going through life doing things … and getting away with it.”

Police did not release the boy’s name.

The mother said that her son was found in the last year to have attention deficit hyperactivity disorder, but that his medicine does not seem to help.

Couldn’t be the kid is just a brat with no boundaries and no respect for anything or anyone (in which case, Mom’s presents should be confiscated, too)…nooooooo…we have to put the ADHD spin on it.

There’s something inherently sexy and hip about blowing your knee out playing soccer…not so much when you do it changing out baseboards.

I’ve had some rather significant knee pain since CU and I switched out the baseboards…and it looks like all the bending and time spent on my knees during that project resulted in a “highly likely” meniscus tear. Isn’t that just great? It only really hurts when I get up after sitting for a long time; for example, after 2-hour trips to the airport or 3-hour flights to and from Florida.

The x-rays didn’t reveal anything, but a rather thorough manipulation of my knee and a rather embarrassing attempt to balance on the bad knee gave The Fabulous Dr. Morgan a pretty good idea of the problem. The next step is physical therapy, and getting my lazy butt back on the bike at the gym… and then if things don’t improve in three weeks, I’ll go in for an MRI.

The Fabulous Dr. Morgan capped off our visit today by recommending CU and I replace the crown molding as our next project, so I can tear my rotator cuff. Smart ass.  No one told me I’d be treated to a comedy performance as part of my $20 co-pay.

It’s like a holiday Mad Lib…

‘Twas the night before Sunday, and all through the hotel,
I thought, “I don’t want to go to this party…it’s gonna be hell.”
The open bar was stocked with the finest of liquors,
In hopes that would result in plenty of snickers.

The employees were nestled all snug at each table,
While I wondered to myself, what was showing tonight on cable.
And CU in his slacks, and I in my silk sweater,
Had just settled down, to take in the show much better.

When out on the dance floor there arose such a clatter,
I sprang from my chair to see what was the matter.
Away to my camera I flew, activating the flash,
Hit the Power button and zoomed, oh this photo would garner some cash!

The beam of the strobe light, the thump of the bass,
Gave way to a scene exhibiting shockingly little grace.
When what to my wondering eyes should appear,
But a Dunder-Mifflin sandwich…co-workers grinding, peer-on-peer!

(more…)

We’re back from our whirlwind trip to Delray Beach, Florida - flew out at 8 a.m. yesterday, and were back in Dallas at 12:30 today. We’re beat, and as much as I hate to admit it…I…had…wait for it…a good time.

I’ll post a couple of photos tomorrow, and provide some post-game commentary. I now have a few new stories to tuck away into my arsenal of holiday party anecdotes…one of which is directly related to this post’s title.

Well folks, we’re down to the home stretch…only a mere 24 days until Christmas. We’re all adults here, and as adults we know sometimes our, ahem, romantic relationships need a little extra…kick. What better gift to give than the gift of spicy ginger, partnered with the odd hilarity of cookies having sex!

I don’t know what else to really say, because I’m still laughing at the book’s cover photo, so I’ll let the good people at Drugstore.com do the work for me:

“Where imaginations are fertile, love will never grow stale, nor crumble.”

Birds do it, bees do it. And guess what - cookies do it, too. In fact, never have a pair of gingerbread cookies looked so pleased. Yes, the “Kama Sutra” meets the “Joy of Cooking”. Featuring an unabashed gingerbread couple, who are photographed in unflinching full color, the Cookie Sutra is a recipe for pleasure.

There is The First Posture, where two are yoked as one (yet the calorie count remains unchanged). The Pair of Tongs, allowing the woman to be open, free, sweet and crunchy. Pounding the Spot, requiring the suppleness of freshly rolled dough. There is Scissors, Autumn Dog, Tripod, The Wheelbarrow, The Snake Trap. And, for the advanced and adventurous, The Suspended Congress - great care must be taken lest the cookies crumble.