Baby Crack Whore, And I Don’t Care
Alternate post title: Women And Girls, Rule My World
The juggernaut that is American Idol kicked off last night, with auditions in…snicker…Minniesohta.
Talent was all over the map last night…from a Glamour Shots makeup artist/hairstylist (CU was so upset she didn’t sing, “Let’s Go To The Mall…Today“), to a young lady who watches Canadian Idol, Pop Idol, Australian Idol, Duluth Idol and, apparently, if you saw her entire pre-sketch…Black Sabbath Idol, to a guy who has been singing since birth and dancing for eight years. Man, he must be tired.
We did have the requisite group of folks continuing on to Suckthesouloutofyouwood, though: the crack baby, the one-legged hypoglycemic who farts a lot, the Navy intelligence analyst (CU: “Quit showing pictures of jets. He’s not flying jets. He’s an intelligence analyst.”), the Army Reserves chick and the 16-year old kid whose family didn’t have enough money for them all to come to the audition…so here he is…sounding like Michael Buble…and if he didn’t get through, he was going to head straight over to the Mall of America to audition for Grease: You’re The One That I Want (Ooh Ooh Ooh).
Plus, we especially enjoy the post-audition reactions, especially from the people who quite obviously suck (come on, even I know all the words to “Kiss”) but even better…are the reactions from their entourage. The first girl…wasn’t any good and she started crying, which was sad…but then Mom got all…theatrical and gee, it was like she had this feeling a camera was on her, so she’d better milk her fifteen seconds. Sadly, it stretched to about 45 before we were able to cut away from that 4-person pileup.
The great thing about the early audition shows is you watch them and sort of wonder, “Gee, will that be the ultimate winner?” We didn’t have any of those moments last night…and sadly, the one thing we really wanted to see, we didn’t: Army Reserves chick singing “Hips Don’t Lie” by Shakira.
And…we had Jewel…who is very funny…and kind of like Paula used to be before she, you know (mimic drinking motion).
Allen
95°
Honolulu
88°
3 Responses to “Baby Crack Whore, And I Don’t Care”
By Manic Witch on Jan 17, 2007 | Reply
I LOVE the post title.
A.I. auditions used to be a post holiday tradition around here, but I got so burned out on the “This guy really sucks, put him on though for his 15 seconds of fame and help boost the ratings”. Zzzzzz.
I know exactly what CU is talking about. I live near a major naval training station (And I’m pro-Army. Talk about a culture conflict here). We actually have guys hanging out at the mall, telling teeney-boppers that they are SEALS. Um, no you’re not. 1. We don’t train seals here. 2. You are in no way, shape, or form SEAL material. You are a dirtbag trying to get into a 16 year old’s pants. Which BTW, is totally against UCMJ and Hubs already threatened a couple of you morons when you wouldn’t leave my niece alone.
*ahem*
Sorry for the rant. I feel better now. And I’m guessing if I lived near an Army base, I would hear the recruits telling these girls that they are rangers.
By ali on Jan 17, 2007 | Reply
girl who couldn’t sing “kiss” had me peeing in my pants.
By Ali on Jan 17, 2007 | Reply
We love American Idol and really looked forward to last night’s show but it was excruciating!
Ugh…