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Unfortunately, I can’t hear the name “Burt Bacharach” without thinking of Austin Powers saying, “Ladies and gentlemen…Mr. Burt Bacharach!,” then breaking into “The Look of Love.” I imagine Paula would stand up and wave her arms back and forth, too.

You just knew American Idol in New York would would provide some freak-action for Simon, Paula, Randy, Joan Collins and…in an itty bitty Lionel Richie-montage blip…Olivia Newton-John? Where’d she come from? Way to go, editors. You’ve set your wayback machine on Reverse and shown us a glimpse of what I can only assume was footage from a future episode.

Kind of like The Amazing Race, I try not to get too emotionally attached to any contestants/auditioners until at least halfway through the season. Yeah, I know…not much of a struggle. Although, I did develop an affinity for Taylor Hicks early on. Up until then, they are burned into my brain with names like, “Verklempt Bronx Weirdo”, “Jersey Paris & Nicole”, “Lady Marmalade”, “Ashanti & Her Soapy Soliloquy”, “Greek Idol”, “Girl Who Could Win If They’d Simply Teach Her How To Sing” and “Man In Space Suit”.

My favorite, though…was the young woman who was supposed to, like, be at school I guess, but instead hopped a flight to NY to audition and omigodherdadisgoingtokillher if she makes it through because he’s an unsupportive jerk! This generated a collectively strange combination of “Uhhh..” and “Awww!” from the judges, who let her through because she’s got a good voice and Ryan needed to call someone on his Cingular phone before the auditions were over.

Then…as she’s bawling into the speakerphone, her dad says, “Who is this?” Classic. Aw shucks honey, we ain’t mad. Just come home safe. Funny, he didn’t sound mad…and through the magic of editing, she goes from blubbery and stuttery to hootin’ and hollerin’ in literally, two seconds.