We think she just has really bad allergies, although we aren’t sure to what she’s specifically allergic. I read somewhere today that it’s excessive protein in the saliva (due to allergies) which causes the paw fur to stain. Nice, huh? I gave her half a Benadryl, then valiantly tried to soak her paws in water with epsom salts for five minutes. I didn’t do too badly…had to use the sink in the bathroom and got quite wet in the process.

But, she’s conked out now, next to my desk. That’s her above, glaring at me after I released her from the Sink Monster.

After the jump, there’s another photo of Cookie lounging on the towel I used to dry Daisy’s paws, then dumped on the floor in my office. Weird dogs.
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Kids, a prime post-Idol timeslot…and Jeff Foxworthy…how can you go wrong?

So last night, we watched Are You Smarter Than A Fifth Grader Anyone? and, I am truly embarrassed to be an adult. Actually, that’s probably an over-reaction. I’m embarrassed to be an adult when people like “Seth” (Seth had a 3.0 GPA at UCLA! He majored in US History, but doesn’t know when Columbus Day is!) and “Lakeisha” are put on national television as representatives of adults. Come on, no one struggles that much with remembering the Mayflower was the ship the Pilgrims came over on. I suspect a fifth grader would have done a better job constructing that last sentence, by the way.

For the record, CU and I scored a respectable 4 out of 6 questions correct (Snarkwife had a 2.7 GPA at UCSB and majored in Political Science! CU had a 2.7 GPA at Tulane and majored in Finance!)…although CU is disputing my ruling that his answer for finding the height of a triangle was incorrect. He thought the calculation format he blurted out should suffice, and that the actual answer, which was “4″, was just a given. I told him there was a chance once he plugged the variables in, he could have come up with the wrong answer.

He fought that rather obvious logic but…come on…we all know I was right. Just to throw him a bone, I offered to pause the show while he went and got a piece of paper to finish up his answer…he did not find that amusing. To be fair though…I guess…I had all sorts of problems with that question in general, because they never even said what kind of triangle it was. And, my answer was a²+b²=c²

Yeah, that’s pretty much what it’s like in the Snarkwife/CU household during TV-viewing time…it’s even better with a bottle of wine.

Of course, I’d love for Fox to air a show next month called Are You Smarter Than An Adult?, where 10-year olds try to do things like maneuver in-law relations, tackle the challenges of a workplace performance review with a maniacal, vindictive boss…work with an insurance company on your blown-off roof claim…and get out of a cell phone contract.

News Flash! Gen Y-ers Are Self-Absorbed: Yeah, and those Boomers though we were bad. I must not be that special, because I had no idea “Frère Jacques” meant “I am special.”

Having Said That, Are You Smarter Than A Fifth Grader? If they all know the words to “Frère Jacques”, then the answer would be “No.”

Speaking Of Being Smarter Than A Fifth Grader: Howie K. and Larry decide to negotiate their personal settlement the civilized, gentlemanly way…in the full media spotlight. Probably more effective than Rock, Paper, Scissors, I guess.

Hey…Now That You Mention Rock, Paper, Scissors: That’s probably all I’ll have in my retirement…Dow industrials plunge more than 500 today.

And Finally, Proof Of What We Already Knew: It Seems Only The Idiots Of The World Win The Lottery:

Ed O’Neill’s bank account just got a lot bigger, thanks to a co-worker who told him some “idiot” hasn’t claimed an $800,000 Powerball lottery prize.

O’Neill, 58, who works for the Clinton Chamber of Commerce, bought the ticket for a January 6 Powerball drawing. He told Iowa Lottery staffers he didn’t think to check the results until a couple days afterward, when a chamber receptionist pointed out an article in the local newspaper.

“She said, ‘Read this article about the idiot that hasn’t claimed his ticket.’ So I read it and noticed where the ticket was bought,” O’Neill said. “I thought, ‘Gee, I better look at my ticket.’ That’s when I said, ‘I think I won.”‘

Maybe it’s the PMS, but last night’s Oscar telecast was the MOST. BORING. TELECAST. EVER.

I was really surprised when I found myself saying that to CU over and over and over last night…because, even if the Oscars are dull as dirt, I love the show. We have an Oscar Party every year (even if I’m by myself) where I serve snacks and we pop open a bottle of champagne. We watch the red carpet arrivals and make a big to-do of it all.

I’m usually the one who will talk about how great it was the next day, even while the critics are blasting whoever hosted and the drawn-out speeches and the lame montages (writers in moves? seriously?) So, either I was supa-dupa hormonal…or it was worse than I expected.

But, I did enjoy the Jack Black/Will Ferrell/John C. Reilly ode to the much-maligned comedy actor at Oscar time…culminating with the hilarious line, “One of these days, I’ll be going home with Helen Mirren and an Oscar”…or something to that effect.

Red carpet impressions…Nicole Kidman, Jennifer Lopez & Penelope Cruz…stunning. Cameron Diaz, looked like a crinkled clump of Kleenex once you’re done blowing your nose. Gwyneth Paltrow…another gown that makes it look like she’s hunched over…and, I swear, Alec Baldwin and Al Gore were separated at birth.

And J-Hud, who I so badly don’t want to saddle with the moniker “Daughter Judy” with that futuristic Jetsons jacket she had on last night. What do you think? Will she go the way of Meryl Streep or Helen Hunt in terms of post-Oscar street cred?

We were watching last night’s Saturday Night Live this morning and during this sketch I said to CU, “Hey…isn’t that the building I used to work in?”

Sure enough…it is. The camera’s facing south, and you can see “The Richards Group” at the top of the building behind it…sweet.

For you Dallasites…it was the building across 75 from NorthPark Center…just south of Park Lane. They demolished it about a year ago to start building some “urban residential/retail” thingiemabobber.

And now, it is immortalized forever someplace besides my mind…and it implodes at the end of the sketch. YAY!

Happy 34th birthday to the perpetually hot and sexy Capt. UberHusband!

Big plans tonight include dinner, and a surprise birthday gift. It’s been sitting on the end table in the living room since we got up, but nooooooo…he wants to wait until tonight to open it. He has a lot more restraint than I do.

Then again, I already know what’s in the box.

If you haven’t seen Grey’s yet tonight…don’t read past the jump…

But if you have…
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Geez…don’t the people who write these stories watch the show?

LOS ANGELES (Hollywood Reporter) -

Taye Diggs will star opposite Kate Walsh in ABC’s potential spinoff from hit medical drama “Grey’s Anatomy.”

The show will test the waters as a back-door pilot, an expanded two-hour episode of “Grey’s” slated to air in May. It will center on neonatal surgeon Addison Shepherd (Walsh), a character who has enjoyed a strong following from fans since she was introduced at the end of the hot surgical drama’s first season.

I’m guessing Taye Diggs will play a guy who keeps getting the crap kicked out of him, then wakes up each day to do it all over again. That premise would keep everyone entertained for, oh, say, 2 or 3 episodes. Or, maybe he’ll be a Jamaican med school grad who, having been dumped by his girlfriend after ten years, takes his optometry practice to wherever McMontgomery is to mend his heart and learn the fine art of lasik.

CU pointed out last night that I’m incredibly hard on the ladies of American Idol. I’m not sure why…but I expect considerably more out of them. Maybe I still use Kelly Clarkson as the proverbial gold standard…and if someone can’t measure up to her, then don’t bother. Now that I think about it, I think Kelly’s the only female competitor I ever wanted to win. I couldn’t stand Fantasia…Diana DeGarmo made my teeth hurt…Carrie Underwood wasn’t my style, and Katharine McPhee made me want to poke myself with thousands of needles.

Having said that, some of the ladies last night…well, rocked the house. Going in, the only one I really liked was Melinda Doolittle. For me, I have to be able to connect with the performer…they have to seem genuine and enthusiastic. Case in point: Stephanie Edwards. No doubt she’s a great singer, but …and CU’s actually the one who brought this up…she sang like someone just gave her band $600 to play at the prom. She was almost too polished…too professional. Who wants a pro to win American Idol? That’s half the appeal of the show…plucking someone out of relative obscurity and then shoving them into the public’s glaringly white-hot spotlight until they either crack in two or win a Grammy.

I also loved the performances of Jordin Sparks (who thankfully, didn’t go all pageant-queen like Paris Bennett of yesteryear) and…oh my God…Lakisha Jones. What a way to end the show with, “And I’m Telling You (I’m Not Going)”. I’d forgotten about her until they went through her audition montage, and CU and I remembered we were happy she was 27 with a 4-year old, as opposed to 19 with a 4-year old.

Remember yesterday when I was talking about AI moves that can help or hinder?

Mouth off to Simon about how even though you didn’t hit the note well, you did hit it >> hinder
Sing anything from the Celine Dion catalogue >> hinder
Sing a big song when you know you can hit it >> help

I’m now changing my predictions…and am hoping it’s Melinda Doolittle and Lakisha Jones in the final two. Although, heaven help both of them when the inevitable “Grunge Night” comes. All of the guys could go home before Spring officially begins and I really wouldn’t be too crushed.

There’s supposed to be a “big announcement” on the show tonight…and no, it isn’t that Fantasia’s going to sing.

Come on…”Careless Whisper”? Really? Urgh. Dude…what were you thinking? You know, the lack of shoes wouldn’t have been so bad had he at least bought a new shirt and pair of pants for his live TV debut.

Other guys who need to leave American Idol in the very near future…

AJ Tabaldo, if only because the whole AJ/RJ/EJ name thing went out in season one.

Sanjaya Malakar, because he’s running with a group of big dawgs who are like, on average, thirty years older than him. And his hair is just too flowy.

Chris Sligh performed about as I expected, but it was Chris Richardson who actually had the balls to take a risk and sing an Edwin McCain Gavin DeGraw song. It’s kind of like The Amazing Race…after a few seasons, competitors should be able to figure out what strategies help and which hinder.

1. Singing a song which doesn’t fall under the heading, “saccharine & safe” >> help
2. Knowing how to drive a stick-shift >> help
3. Cracking jokes about Simon, Il Divo and Teletubbies: help
4. Singing “Careless Whisper” >> hinder

I wanted to talk about this earlier…but since my paraphrasing of articles (see the West Seattle Journal, below) leaves much to be desired today, I’ll let someone else talk about the big announcement for Dancing With The Stars today and just copy and paste so if anything is spelled wrong or if I have a comma outside the quotes or something, I can’t be held responsible. Heh.

Now, while at first some of these selections might make you laugh out loud…we probably all did the same thing when we heard Drew Lachey, Joey Lawrence and Mario Lopez had been tapped for the show.

And, because I can’t help but write it…”Adopt a Minefield” is the same thing as “Marrying a Beatle.”

LAILA ALI – Ali, an undefeated world champion female boxer and youngest daughter of sports legend Muhammad Ali, takes her footwork to the ballroom dance floor on “Dancing with the Stars.” Outside the ring, Ali has graced countless international magazine covers such as Glamour and Italian Vogue, and authored the inspiring autobiography Reach! She joins MAKSIM CHMERKOVSKIY, who returns for his third season.

BILLY RAY CYRUS – Singer/songwriter/actor and star of Disney Channel’s hit series “Hannah Montana,” Cyrus will partner with Season Three’s finalist, KARINA SMIRNOFF, who returns for her second season. Cyrus first entered the public spotlight with his hit song “Achy Breaky Heart.” His other acting credits include the feature film “Mulholland Drive” and the starring role in the series “Doc.”

CLYDE DREXLER – Named One of the 50 Greatest Players in NBA History, “Clyde the Glide” was a member of the 1992 U.S. Olympic Dream Team. He began his career in 1983 with the Portland Trailblazers and retired in 1998 with the Houston Rockets, a team he led to the 1995 NBA Championship. ELENA GRINENKO, who returns for her second season, will be his partner.

JOEY FATONE – The musician/actor/star of Broadway was a member of one of the most popular singing groups of all time, *NSYNC, which holds the records for the most albums sold in a single day and week. He has since starred in the movies “My Big Fat Greek Wedding” and “The Cooler, and in the Broadway musicals “Rent” and “Little Shop of Horrors.” Fatone joins partner KYM JOHNSON, who returns for her second season.

SHANDI FINNESSEY – During the most watched Miss USA(r) competition in six years, Shandi Finnessey was crowned Miss USA in 2004. She is the host of two game shows on the Game Show Network – “Lingo” with Chuck Woolery and “Playmania.” Newcomer BRIAN FORTUNA will be her professional dance partner.

LEEZA GIBBONS – Former host of “Entertainment Tonight, “Extra” and her self-titled daytime talk-show, “Leeza,” the TV/radio personality currently hosts the nationally syndicated radio program, “Hollywood Confidential.” Leeza is also the founder of the Leeza Gibbons Memory Foundation, a nonprofit organization offering empowerment and education to caregivers and their loved ones diagnosed with any memory disorder. She teams up with TONY DOVOLANI, who returns for his third season.

HEATHER MILLS – United Nations Goodwill Ambassador, activist for Adopt-a-Minefield and advocate for animal rights Heather Mills will be the first contestant to compete with an artificial limb. She will be partnered with JONATHAN ROBERTS, who returns for his third season.

APOLO ANTON OHNO – Two-time Olympic gold medal winner Apolo Anton Ohno sets his sights on another trophy to add to his collection, the “Dancing with the Stars” Mirror Ball. As a short-track speed skater, Ohno has a total of five Olympic medals, tying him with Eric Heiden for the most medals of any U.S. Male Winter Olympian. JULIANNE HOUGH teams with Ohno in her first appearance.

VINCENT PASTORE – Known for his standout role in “The Sopranos,” actor Vincen Pastore has also appeared in several movies, including “Revolver,” directed by Guy Ritchie, “Gotti” and “Goodfellas.” He was also the voice of Luca in the animated feature “Shark Tale.” Pastore teams with EDYTA SLIWINSKA, the only professional dancer to participate in all four seasons.

PAULINA PORIZKOVA – As the former face of Estee Lauder, Porizkova was once the highest paid supermodel in the world of fashion. She was featured on the cover of several magazines, including the “Sports Illustrated: Swimsuit Issue” for two consecutive years. This Spring Porizkova releases her first work of fiction, A Model Summer. Season One champ ALEC MAZO returns for his second appearance.

IAN ZIERING – One of the stars of the hit TV series “Beverly Hills 90210,” actor Ian Ziering also played a supporting role in the movie “Domino,” and wrote, produced, directed and starred in the short film “Man vs. Monday.” He teams with two-time defending champion CHERYL BURKE, who returns for her third season.

Well if nothing else, we know they’re not killing off Addison this Thursday, since apparently…they’re spinning her off into her own show.

What do you all think WSJ stands for? I’ve got the West Seattle part…what about the J? Can’t be “jay-jay”.

Two days until the devastating conclusion to the most anticipated television event…EVER!

Do you think it’s any coincidence MereDITH sounds kinda like MereDEATH?

Discuss amongst yourselves.

There’s something seriously wrong with the right side of my body. Last May, I had arthritic pain in my right thumb (the thumb joint connects to the…hand joint) which put my whole hand in a brace and me in physical therapy for three weeks. Scratch this sentence…I found my hand brace and it was, in fact, for the left hand. However, I blame the right side of my brain for not correctly remembering this two hours ago.

Last October, I had what was eventually diagnosed as a meniscus tear in my right knee…caused by too much kneeling while we were replacing our baseboards. A couple weeks after that I unintentionally dropkicked a 2′ x 3′ framed print laying on my office floor. I finally got my knee officially checked out in December and wound up in PT for 5 weeks, with the threat of an MRI and surgery looming if PT didn’t do the trick.

Last Thursday, I was in my new, sexy master closet and the phone rang…it was CU, calling from Paris. You know that line in ‘Twas The Night Before Christmas…”When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter, I sprang from the bed to see what was the matter. Away to the window I flew like a flash, Tore open the shutters and threw up the sash”?

That’s kind of what I did, except I ran my right hand ring finger into the door frame at a high rate of speed and then proceeded to blurt expletives into the phone for about five minutes. Oy, the pain. The pain eventually subsided, it looked like a run of the mill bruise and I went on my merry way.
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An Australian Outback Hottie For Just $40 A Day: Survivor hottie Colby Donaldson “will be a regularly featured ‘content buddy,’” on The Rachael Ray Show, talking about what men want and answering burning questions like, “Is chivalry dead?” and “Did you and Jerri really not ever hook up?” So much for that acting career.

I Really Need To Keep Up With My Desperate Househaikus: Rosie O’Donnell has lots to say about the current state of Britney’s head and how she wants all the 24-year old girl train wrecks to come live with her. Mmm hmm. Someone needs to tell Rosie that text message speak (write? type?) is not exactly inspirational prose. Oh, and “Brit” has one T, not two.

This Is What I Get For Not Recording Studio 60 Last Night: Looks like it’s probably getting cancelled.

Now, Go Out And Make It A Great Day…With A Couple Of Strippers: XM Radio and Sirius are merging in a deal worth a reported 13 billion dollars. It’s like my dream come true…Dr. Laura and Howard Stern…just a few clicks away from each other on the dial. Oh wait, what’s the term the kids use these days…not dial…digital channel lineup.

The First Step To Recovery Is Admitting You Have A Blackberry: The 12 steps to cure e-mail addiction. Let me add another one…#13 – BEHOOVE PEOPLE TO QUIT SENDING MASS EMAILS TO THEIR “FRIENDS AND FAMILY” ABOUT STUPID THINGS ONLY THEY CARE ABOUT. If you can’t be bothered to send something to me and only me once in awhile, why do you think I’d care about your reaction to some left-wing nutjob’s blog post about…anything?

Today’s award for “Most Groan-worthy Cliches In Two Paragraphs” goes to this story:

PACIFIC, Mo. – It’s not the traditional “till death do us part,” but Scott Amsler and Miranda Patterson believe getting hitched in a graveyard is just thinking outside the box.

Come September, the Illinois couple expects to pledge their undying love among the dearly departed in this St. Louis suburb’s city cemetery, even though those who approved the request are dead set against seeing it become a trend.

Tara and Wil…they were the ones who came in second in season two of The Amazing Race. CU and I were trying to remember who that annoying team was all last night, and I swore I would not look it up…I would wait until the name came to me. And it did. Fifteen seconds ago.

I’ll tell you up-front…as fun as the teams are this season, this episode…I thought…was pretty boring. Even the exciting music couldn’t really change the fact most of the episode was spent driving to the airport, and driving to Cotopaxi National Park. Plus, they all spent so much time being nice to each other, it didn’t provide for any truly quality snark.

As is de rigeur, Phil greets us from an exotic location…Miami. Our Amazing All-Star Teams jet in on power boats with fancy camera work and boat waves aplenty to punctuate what an exciting beginning this is! No, really! Phil states these eleven teams are the “best of the best”, which is Amazing Code for, “These are the only teams who (a) said they’d subject themselves to all of this insanity a second time and (b) are still on speaking terms.”

Kevin & Drew: Lifelong friends from New York…five years older, five more years out of shape. We didn’t watch The Amazing Race until season two, so I don’t know who these guys are, except they’re annoying and kind of whiny and Drew was out-run by Charla out of the gate.

Bahston Rahb & Ambuh of Da Smokin’ Ass: Fresh off his Vegas Poker Slaparound tour, Rob & Amber say they have a whole new bag of tricks. They didn’t come back to lose. Mahrk his wohrds.

Uchenna & Joyce: Husband and wife, from Houston, Texas. They won season 7 and are now back with a whole new set of fertility and relationship problems they hope the race will solve. Sadly, the million bucks they won last time didn’t do it.

Dustin & Kandice: KandyDust…I really don’t have anything bad to say about them, because they really grew on me last season…and I’d be cool with them being the first girl-on-girl all-girl team to win.

Joe & Bill: Gay grandpas from season one. Hey, they said it, not me. See “Kevin & Drew” above.

Charla & Mirna: Yogi & Boo Boo. They’re back, and this time, it’s more personal than it was the first time they raced around the world.

David & Mary: I love Cletus…but I love Brandine more: “My strategy this time is going to be completely different than last time.” It’s going to have to be…”sincerely nice Kentucky bumpkin” as a strategy can only work once with this crowd.

Teri & Ian: I remember when they “almost” won season 3. I was so irritated, because no married couple who looked that much alike should win…just seemed unnatural. Fortunately, Teri’s grown out her hair so she doesn’t resemble her husband quite as much, but Ian’s still the same dork he always was…except now he’s wearing black sleeveless t-shirts and adventure hats and I’m forced to call him Iandiana Jones.

Oswald & Danny: Now, these two were a great choice for the show. Team ChaChaCha stole my heart when, while everyone else was running around and all panicked in…Tokyo? Hong Kong? I can’t remember. Anyway, they went to the Mandarin Oriental hotel, got some help from the concierge, then went shopping and had coffee. They rock.

John Vito & Jill: Formerly dating…I assume they were dating when they were on the show. Honestly, can’t really place them other than I’m sure I lumped them into the “dysfunctional romantic relationship” category.

Eric & Danielle: Dating & team traitors, taking the “If it worked for Rob & Amber, it can work for us” attitude.
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Some wank with an AOL account.

AMAZING RACE ALL STARS REALITY MINUTE REALITY TV EXPERT JONATHAN BAKER WOULD
NEVER SHAVE HIS HEAD FOR ATTENTION! JONATHAN BAKER DOES NOT NEED TO DO SUCH
A STUPID THING TO GET RECOGNITION OR MAKE A POINT SO CHECK HIM OUT HERE:

Really? This is what Jonathan Baker & The V-Chip have succumbed to, posting spam comments on blogs?

Not entirely surprising, but funny nonetheless. Maybe if I post the link, all 9 of my readers can hit his website really hard and bring down his host.

Regis Philbin thinks Britney looks great with her newly shaved head, declares it the “next big thing” with women, then asks guest Marisa Tomei if she’d consider shaving her head.

I bet Kelly Ripa’s really wishing she hadn’t come into work today.

Following in the brave path of people like The Amazing Race winner Uchenna…Britney Spears has shaved her head completely bald.

All of a sudden, hacking two inches off the bottom of my hair and cutting in bangs this past week doesn’t seem so drastic.

I’ve come up with a new theory about Survivor : all of the snakes on Exile Island are involved in their own reality show, and every three days, a snake is chosen by his or her team (probably the one who can’t eat the human in one bite during the Venomity Challenge) and is sent over to the main island to suffer and look for an immunity idol amongst all the castaways.

Dylan…Dillon?

Holy crapoley, is Meredith dead? I know, lame way to start a post.

Sure, the show is called Grey’s Anatomy…but if you’ve read the blogcaps for the last couple of years, or listened to the Official iTunes Grey’s Anatomy Podcast every Friday (“I’m Shonda Rhimes…and I’m Betsy Beers…and we’re…GREY’S ANATOMY!”), it really doesn’t seem like too far-fetched of an idea.

I was talking to my mom last night when the show ended (she’s still in denial about Denny’s death, by the way) and while she went the direction of, “But the show’s all about her!” – I went the other direction. Meredith Grey has done an amazing job, if you think about it, in affecting every single person’s life on the show just by her existence. She’s Cristina’s “person”, for crying out loud.
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It’s been a loooooooong time since I did this…

Not Gonna Have Much Of A Clinic With That Amount Of Coin: Tom Sizemore and our own Doctor Model released a movie last year, which grossed an astonishing thirty dollars. And yes, that’s American dollars. It was released in one theater here in Dallas, one showing a day for a week and it grossed…thirty…dollars. Hey, I ate everything in the refrigerator last night. Everything. Including a tub of butter. There’s no judgment here.

I Swear, It’s Like A Bad Episode Of Montel: Prince Frederic von Anhalt, the husband of Zsa Zsa Gabor, has officially filed papers asserting he is the father of Anna Nicole Smith’s baby. I suppose I should just tell all of you this now…as soon as he gets back from Paris, Capt. UberHusband will also be staking claim as the father of her baby. Nothing you can do really, except wait for him to pop up as the next Fafa head.

Hey, Where’d You Two Come From? Lost executive producers & master torturers Damon Lindelof and Carlton Cuse promise us that by the time they execute their plan for elaborating on Nikki & Paulo’s stories, they’ll become iconic characters. Who are they again? And more importantly, do we really care anymore?

While I Was Folding Clothes, Watching The Office And Wondering Why The Fur On Daisy’s Paws Has Suddenly Started Turning Auburn…these 24 people were having the best week ever!

Where, Quite Literally, The Streets Have No Name: North Dakota House rejects bill to honor Bono. Even better, Fargo state Rep. Scot Kelsh, who sponsored the measure, got the idea from a magazine. Sure, it was a magazine published by the National Conference of State Legislatures, but why limit yourself? Entertainment Weekly had a great article last week about Rashida Jones, let’s make her the official state paper company employee!

He calls me this morning, and it’s like he’s in a movie. I hear people speaking French in the background, I hear police cars in the distance, and he tells me he’s walking past Cartier, and would I like anything? No thanks.

Capt. UberHusband: So, I think I figured out what Cookie would want if she came to Paris
Snarkwife: What’s that?
Capt. UberHusband: A Hermes dog collar
Snarkwife: Seriously?
Capt. UberHusband: Yeah
Snarkwife: How much are they?
Capt. UberHusband: Well, they don’t make one in Cookie’s size
Snarkwife: You’re joking…in Paris, Hermes doesn’t make a collar small enough to fit a toy poodle?
Capt. UberHusband: No…Pomeranians are about as small as they’ll fit, apparently.
Snarkwife: So how much are they?
Capt. UberHusband: Well, they vary from 210 to 510 Euros.

Looks like they’ll all be heading back in a couple of months to officially sign some project documents…and I may just have to go. Still probably won’t get anything from Cartier, though.

Out of all the things CU has done, and the things he’s seen this week in between his work obligations, I’m most bummed he’ll be able to see our old friend Troy tonight, and I won’t. Troy and I worked together many years ago, and spent quite a bit of time together before I met CU. We weren’t dating or anything…he was just a fun guy friend to hang out with and watch Dallas Stars games and see movies like American Pie. We haven’t seen him since he decided to chuck living in America and work for the foreign service. His latest post is Paris. Rough gig.

It’s twelve degrees outside…wind chill of 6 degrees. Tuesday it’s supposed to 70.

I know ya’ll don’t care about the weather here (especially you folks who have 29 feet of snow preventing you from leaving your house), but the temperature swings here still never cease to amaze me.

And, I’m ready for winter to be over. I’m ready to put the blonde highlights back in, wear shorts, see green grass in my yard and not have my heart literally stop when I go out to get the mail because the wind is so bitterly cold.

If I can just get myself from the car to the gym in an hour…I’ll be good. That’s the worst part…getting from the car to the gym. I can do it.

As much as I love Seattle and the beauty and great wine of Washington, I might just have to boycott the entire state if this unbelievably lame initiative were, by some idiotic chance, to pass.

I mean, I understand where they’re going, but saying, “it should be good fun to see the social conservatives who have long screamed that marriage exists for the sole purpose of procreation be forced to choke on their own rhetoric” is short-sided, because to further the cause of same-sex parenthood, you sacrifice childfree-by-choice couples, those struggling with infertility and married couples with children who honestly, would be better off divorced…among many, many others. I don’t care what you do, but don’t drag my lifestyle choice into your battle…because your proposal is such a slippery slope…and you’re making assumptions that may sound like out-of-the-park hits, but what happens if you’re wrong?

Don’t want to have kids? Sorry, your marriage won’t be recognized. Can’t have kids biologically and plan on adopting? Sorry, your marriage won’t be recognized, either. Forget the fact you’ve been married 5…10…however many years. By some stroke of circumstance, did you have to have a hysterectomy at 17? Forget about marriage. Husband beats you? Sorry, because you have children, under this initiative, you couldn’t get divorced. What about the couple where the woman is past childbearing age; i.e., post-menopausal? Sorry, but thanks for playing.
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My, how things change over the course of a couple of years on Lost…and how they stay the same. Charlie’s still the same annoying little puppy dog of a castaway, Hurley’s still the insightfully smart one…but Desmond…all of a sudden he’s H-O-T hot.

The start of tonight’s episode was so weird for me because, well, I got over Eko’s death and Locke’s speech about a hundred years ago…somewhere between Denny Duquette suffering a stroke and finding out The O.C. was being euthanized. You forget the “first half” of the season revolved completely around Jack and Kate and Sawyer and Juliet and Ben and Other(Tertiary Character)s and then…Desmond runs into the ocean and starts swimming. Huh? Claire’s drowing in the ocean? Huh?

After the break, Desmond is gazing wistfully at a photo of him and Penelope, with the Waikiki coastline in the background. Claire is expressing her gratitude for Desmond saving her life when, right on cue, Supernanny Charlie shows up with Aaron in tow, demanding to know when Claire is going to feed her kid, because he’s turning into one of those annoying mommies whose threatened by anyone outside his little bubble…with the exception of Hurley. So, he does what any jealous wife would do…he conspires to liquor up the competition and get some answers, bloody darnit!

I’m thinking at this point if Desmond is truly psychic…wouldn’t he already know about Charlie’s little scheme? I guess not, because Desmond, Charlie and Hurley proceed to start knocking back 60-year whiskey and get drunk as college co-eds and spew nonsense about girls with one leg and hearing people yelling for help from a mile away. You know what it’s like when you’re drunk. You can’t walk in a straight line, but you can recite the alphabet backwards and hear people calling you from two counties over. The good times turn belligerent (as they always do when island distilled spirits are involved) when Charlie confronts Desmond and of course, Charlie is totally out of his league because dude, Desmond’s got demons. Big ones.
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First off, Happy Valentine’s Day…again. Always lead on a positive note.

I saw a segment on some news show a couple of days ago, which praised the asinine invention of this thing called “Anti Valentine’s Day,” where pissed-off single women try to hijack the holiday, because they’re not part of a couple and want everyone to know it, I guess. I believe they interviewed the Valentine’s Day Product Manager at American Greetings for the segment, too. How sweet of a job would that be (no pun intended), the product manager for Valentine’s Day cards? I think I may have just found my next career. Greeting card product manager. Oh yeah.

Having said that, this article was in yesterday’s Dallas Morning News. Clip it out, and be appreciative for what you do have, rather than bitter about what you don’t have. Before I got married, I had proportionately less coupled-up V-Days than single ones, so I speak of which I know. And, after watching some of the women in the segment, no wonder they’re single. They’re mean, nasty, judgmental and think love doesn’t count unless it’s romantic. You kind of wait for Carrie, Miranda, Charlotte and Samantha to show up and smack some sense into them.

Oh, and I love my husband. I love him in that oogly googly schmoopy “You can ditch me for Iraq and Paris two Valentine’s Days in a row and I still adore you, because eventually you’ll come home and do things like replace the light in our master closet” sort of way. Just so we’re all clear on that.

6 ways to add more love to your life

DAYLE ALLEN SHOCKLEY

In 1967, the Beatles declared, “All you need is love.” That assertion may not be far from the truth.

“When we increase the love and intimacy in our lives, we also increase the health, joy and meaning in our lives,” says Dr. Dean Ornish, founder and director of the nonprofit Preventive Medicine Research Institute in Sausalito, Calif.

His book, Love and Survival: The Scientific Basis for the Healing Power of Intimacy (Collins, $14), is a best-seller. His research has been published in the Journal of the American Medical Association and other medical journals. Dozens of other studies showcase the benefits of loving and being loved.

With Valentine’s Day upon us, what better time to add love to our lives? Here are six suggestions:
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God bless YouTube…would have recorded this myself, but CU has the “video camera” with him. Is that term passe’, “video camera”? Should I instead be saying, “digital recording device”?

How 100% completely utterly awesome were these four guys? Last night’s episode was televised proof why I like working with men rather than women. Women let the whole “friendship” and “emotion” thing get in the way of work and then there’s sniping and crying and…ergh.

I’m still gunning for ChrisJack Osborne. Love him.

Oh, and Happy Valentine’s Day. How deep is your love? Heh.

It’s not the sexiest place to find a meme, but I do them so seldom, I figure ya’ll will let me off the hook regarding the source.

I’m {your age here}, but I feel like I’m…I’m 35, and I feel 35. It really pains me to say that, literally. When people of a certain age talk about how mentally they still feel sharp and young and vibrant, but their bodies aren’t what they used to be…or that they love the wisdom but still feel kinda immature…yeah, I get that.

My first airplane trip was… To Disneyland, when I was in the first grade. Mom, Dad and I flew United from Portland down to Orange County…and I got a slick little badge ‘o wings to wear on my brand new dress. That’s right, I bought a new dress for the trip.

When I was a little girl/boy, I wanted to grow up to be…A lawyer…I think. I’m sure it was something very practical.

Five years from now, I want to…I don’t know. Is that weird? I want to be doing something different professionally, and I want to live someplace other than Dallas. So much for “I don’t know.”

Clark Kent/Bruce Wayne or Ginger/Mary Ann (depending on your preference)? Clark Kent…geeky, but sincere. That gets me all hot and bothered.
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Spied on the Today show this morning during a segment on the HPV vaccine…

“…will help to prevent the sexually transmitted drunken driver HPV”

I didn’t realize driving drunk could be contracted by sexual contact. Learn something new every day.

You ever have one of those days when your IM icon triggers a 15-minute chat session with one of your co-workers, wherein you assign each person in your company to a character from The Simpsons? Well, let’s just say we have our own Lenny & Carl.

Snarkwife’s Googly Woogly Guide To Valentine’s Day

Superman, Can You Read My Mind?: Ladies, if your man isn’t attentive and romantic the other 364 days of the year, don’t pitch a fit and cry and whine about what a loser he is if your Utopian fantasies don’t materialize today. Besides, if he did show up with roses and candy, you’d probably gripe that (a) the roses will die in four days, (b) the candy will make you fat and (c) he only did all of this because he knew you’d get mad if he didn’t. Unless he completely forgets, cut the guy some slack. Having said that…

Embrace Your Inner McDreamy: Men…know your woman. Pay attention. If you hear her say, “Honey…I really like these pajamas and they would make such a fabulous Valentine’s Day gift,” she has just provided you with a clue. Don’t miss it. Trust yourself…you know what makes her happy and if you don’t, well…that’s why God created Walgreens. Hop to it. There’s nothing that drives a woman more wild than a man who appears to give a damn about her thoughts and interests. Seriously. I wouldn’t steer you wrong on this. If you’re so lucky as to have a Kirsten Cohen who will go so far as to flag pages in the Victoria’s Secret catalog (”Did you get me the black with the beige trim, or the beige with the black trim?”), hold her close and never let her go.

None Of That Lover’s Lament Crap: There are infinitely worse things in life than being single on Valentine’s Day. I remember being single on Valentine’s Day, and the day is only as miserable as you make it. If you start out the day hating coupled people and hating Hallmark and hating Walgreens for having shoved the holiday down your throat since January 2…well sheesh…no wonder you’re single. Go out to dinner. Believe me, people aren’t staring at you. They think you’re amazing for having the courage to go out, because they themselves do not possess that courage. Watch American Idol Grey’s Anatomy (updated for 2007!). Give your doggie a smooch and send e-cards to all your friends.

Misty Watercolored Memories: Purge those ghosts of Valentine’s Days Past. I remember…eight years ago, my then-boyfriend had a dozen long-stemmed red roses delivered to me at work. The sentiment fell flat for multiple reasons, one of which being he used his mom’s credit card to order them. He also seemed to get more of a kick out of the attention he got for sending them (we worked together) than whether or not I actually liked them. The only enjoyable part of that day was going to Albertsons after dinner and watching all the misfit men in the Express Lane buying last-minute cards and candy for 75% off.

That is all. Off you go.

It’s almost like he’s back in Iraq…6:30 a.m. phone calls to me, emails back and forth, photos of exotic locales, itty bitty accommodations.

But, it’s his work cell number that pops up on Caller ID, not DFAS-ARMY-ABC123, and the view from his room is way better.

Okay, I am officially green with envy. I don’t care if it’s a deadly sin. I should have cashed in some of my 94,000 frequent flier miles, since the plane was only about 2/3 full. Coulda, woulda, shoulda.

I’ve been watching the Grammys for…nearly 40 minutes now. I like to watch the telecast because I feel as I get older, and because I don’t have kids to embarrass while trying to keep up with current trends, this is what I need to do to keep the “old and crusty” gremlins away from me. You know those gremlins…they sneak in overnight and make your back hurt and put those fine lines on your face.

Having said that…since I’m in a listy sort of mood tonight…

Hey! Desperate Housewives is on!

I think about really strange things when I’m in the car, especially when driving home after depositing CU at the airport.

For example…

1. Why would a dentist call his practice “ProActive Dental”? Isn’t that sort of a given? I mean, I don’t think I’d stop into a place called “ReActive Dental”.
2. Explain to me…please…why I know not only all the words to “You Light Up My Life” (XM Radio‘s 70s on 7 station was playing Grammy winners…Debby Boone was the Best New Artist/Kiss Of Death winner in ’76) but also, tragically, all the words to the B side of that 45, “Hasta Manana”?
3. When CU is here, the dogs are total angels. When he’s not here, they won’t quit barking. Don’t tell me they’re trying to protect me…if Cookie can’t be bothered to actually move off her Pod of Soft while she’s barking, protection isn’t a factor.
4. I was reading a couple of “opinion” pieces in the Dallas Morning News, and have figured out why some men get their wives crappy Valentine’s Day gifts, or omit gifts entirely. It’s because their wives think they’re ignorant, useless buffoons, with the intelligence of small children. I mean, if your wife doesn’t seem to respect you and treats you like one of the children, why should you trip over yourself making the day special? I mean really, now.
5. You ever notice how you remember some dates, but not others? Like, I remember the day I moved to Dallas, but I don’t remember the day I moved to Sacramento from Santa Barbara. I remember the day of my first date with CU, but I don’t remember the day we first met online, when we first spoke on the phone, or when we first met in person. I bet CU does, though. He remembers everything. I think all three were in the last half of June, 1999…because I had kidney stones at the beginning of July. See? That’s exactly what I mean.

I really do have short-attention-span-deficit-disorder when it comes to my blog themes.

Grumpy workers are the best workers

By L.M. SIXEL
HOUSTON CHRONICLE

HOUSTON — The next time you go to work in a bad mood, don’t worry. It could be a sign you’re on the way to solving a problem.

Recent research shows it could be the grumpy workers who are actually a company’s most creative problem-solvers, said Jing Zhou, associate professor of management at the Jesse H. Jones Graduate School of Management at Rice University.

It’s the happy, cheerful folks who tend to think things are going well and that there are no problems to be solved, she said. They’re less likely to be pondering potential pitfalls and often don’t see problems until there is a crisis.

It’s a departure from the general management philosophy that a positive mood leads to creative problem-solving, said Zhou, who based her findings on the results of 161 responses from employees and their supervisors at a large oil-field services company.

I swear, my life is turning into one great, big Mac commercial.

“Software Application”? Seriously, Microsoft? That’s the best you can do?

Turns out, the nerds and copycats are prevailing on Survivor: Shark Jump Island this season! Who’da thunk it? We watched the first half of the show and taped My Name Is Earl, and boy am I glad we did, because I got to see Bahston Rahcky and “Boo” and for some reason, this is the season of the “nickname”. I literally laughed out loud when Jeffy told Bahston Rahcky to “Just pick one” when smahrt-ass Rahcky said he had lots of nicknames.

Sadly, The Architect, who divvied up the teams, was the first one to head to Exiled Snake Island…and…that’s when we flipped over to The Office, where we finally got to see Phyllis and Bob Vance, Vance Refrigeration get married at…Pam’s wedding. That’s right. Everything from the food (“I sent the chicken back.” “That was fish.”) to the colors to the wedding dress to the flowers to the invitations to the band (yay! Scrantonicity!) was the same as Pam had planned for her wedding with Roy.

And…how awesome was Roy last night? I was gunning for Pam and Jim all last season because Roy was an overstuffed wad, but this year…Roy’s a changed man. He likes Pam’s art, he admits he wasn’t “there” during the planning…then he slips the band a twenty to play “their” song. That’s awesome…and the look on Jim’s face when Pam & Roy left the reception hand in hand? Priceless.

THEN…I flip over to Grey’s Anatomy, and a ferry catches on fire in Seattle, because it has been hit by a cargo boat. In retrospect, this is frighteningly ironic because when CU and I were floating over to Bainbridge Island, I saw a cargo boat in the distance and said to him, “I hope that doesn’t hit us. That would suck.” No joke. You can ask him.

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This is my WeSmirch feed from this morning.

I do feel sort of bad I was able to get Anna Nicole Smith on my other Fafarazzi league that started overnight but on a lighter note, I did see the “Dick in a Box Live” video (warning! sound and screaming girls!) of JT and Andy Samberg at Madison Square Garden…and it’s pretty good.

I’m surfing around the news channels and holy crap…Anna Nicole Smith is dead?

WTF?

I don’t mean to be glib…or disrespectful or anything, but the circumstances just sound a little too Marilyn Monroe-ish. Has anybody checked to see where the Kennedys have been all day?

And I don’t know which is more unsettling…how suddenly this all went down, or the fact that I just had to hear Geraldo Rivera use the expression “made the Creep-o-meter wiggle” when referring to Anna Nicole’s string of husbands/boyfriends. Really? Creep-o-meter?

CU and I were watching Lost last night, and have decided since the show has taken a definite downturn, TPTB at ABC need to take Kate & Sawyer and spin them off into their own show where all they do is shoot (poorly) at people, kick them, whack them in the head with the butt of a gun and engage in other forms of hand-to-hand combat. Seriously. With both of them being all dirty and disheveled and hair all over the place…the editing sure did make them look like a fierce team. Kate was the fiercer of the two, though.

I had such high hopes for last night’s episode and, although some questions were subtly answered (unless I was the only one who didn’t know Ben was Alex’s dad which would make Ben…oh heck, I don’t know…), others were raised…like…Juliet’s sister was impregnated by a male mouse? Oh wait, that can’t be right.

Maybe…Juliet’s sister died in childbirth, so the daughter was turned over to the Happy Oregonians, where she was raised by Ben and Rousseau and spent her childhood happily editing brainwashing propaganda media. I also suspect this is how Locke wound up in a wheelchair…Juliet and the Happy Oregonians tried to impregnate him and it didn’t quite work out.

We did cheer though, when Juliet’s imprisoning ex was hit by The Bus. It’s like “they” know and “they” have power. All together now…wooooooooooo! {wiggling fingers all scary-like}. And, funny how the Miami beach area looks just like Waikiki! Heh.

And, what’s with people coming out of anesthesia mid-surgery on ABC these days? First Grey’s last week, then Lost this week. I get Jack’s not an anesthesiologist, but conventional wisdom would tell you to err on the side of more sleepy juice versus less.

Okay, so I read things like this and then have to get a little sad. Why? Because it means Karen is leaving The Office and Jeffrey Coho is leaving Crane, Poole & Schmidt.

Bierko adheres to “Rules” at Fox

By Nellie Andreeva Thu Feb 8, 1:34 AM ET

LOS ANGELES (Hollywood Reporter) -

Craig Bierko has been cast as the lead in Fox’s comedy “The Rules of Starting Over,” playing a thirty something newly single man among a group of recently divorced friends.

Bierko, who has been recurring on ABC’s “Boston Legal,” recently was seen in the feature “For Your Consideration.”

Rashida Jones also has been cast in the pilot, playing a partner at a law firm looking for a decent guy. The daughter of Quincy Jones and Peggy Lipton, Jones has a recurring role on NBC’s “The Office.”

Reuters/Hollywood Reporter

Well, Fafarazzi had “technical difficulties” and basically lost all the data from 1/29 on, so we have to redraft (and re-register, for some unfortunate folks) tomorrow night and start all over. Thank God for IM, so I could let Adelle know clear over in Sweden.

I’m so disappointed. I lost my out-of-the-gate Patrick Dempsey baby points…ergh. On the upside, maybe Rose can get an early birthday present by dodging the Clay Aiken bullet this time around. Wait, that didn’t come out quite right.

If any of ya’ll still want to get in on the technically unstable fun…

The moral of the story? For crying out loud, backup!

In totally unrelated news, I am officially down 7 lbs. from my post-injury highest-weight-in-nearly-four-years. And people say exercise and cutting back on the carbs doesn’t work. Pshaw.

And…my humble little blog is about to hit the 100,000-visits mark since things started rocking and rolling back in June of 2004. It’s kind of like watching the odometer turn over in your car, only more environmentally-friendly.

From: TurboTax Support
Reply-To: TurboTax Support
Date: Tue, 06 Feb 2007 19:29:01 -0800 (PST)
To: snarkwife
Subject: Sales Tax not showing in the Amount entered.

Recently you requested personal assistance from our on-line support center. Below is a summary of your request and our response.

**Please do not reply to this message: This e-mail message was sent from a notification-only address that cannot accept incoming e-mail.

Please note:
If you are in further need of Service or Support please visit us here: http://support1.turbotax.com

Thank you for allowing us to be of service to you.

Subject
Sales Tax not showing in the Amount entered.

Discussion Thread
Response (Customer Support Person)02/06/2007 07:29 PM
Dear Snarkwife,

Thank you for contacting Intuit Tax Products Customer Service & Support.

Ma’am I tried to go back to the Sales tax part then put in the Actual Sales tax first then I tried to go back and Choose the IRS table the second time.
I put in the 6..25 as the Percentage then Tried to proceed to the Deductions and credits summary. It automatically gave me the value there.

Try to do this steps again and it would show you the amount there.

I’m very sorry for the long wait a while ago.

If after using the information above you still need additional help, please use the link below.

I hope you agree that I have helped in resolving your issues today. You may receive a 8 question survey from us through email in approximately 24 hours asking you about my performance on today’s contact, as well as comments you may have in regards to the TurboTax product. So we can continue with our promise to provide our customers with the best support available, please take a few minutes to complete the survey.

turbotax.com/support

Respectfully,
Customer Support Person

Wait…you tried? I tried for 60 minutes before calling you and trying for another 90. What were the results? “I tried to click the button and then I tried to see what it said. Unfortunately, I lost my glasses so I couldn’t see what it said, and I was ultimately unable to click the button because Hailey next to me wanted to go to Starbucks on our break.”

As a postscript, turns out the deduction was displaying correctly on our actual 1040 form and our total tax due was correct, and the bug just appears to be in the display within the TurboTax online application. I don’t know if this affected the non-online version of the software, but regardless, our taxes have been filed and that ordeal is over.

Also…after a bit of Googling, I discovered the issue I reported yesterday was reported as long ago as January 29 and…no fix. My company can kick out a bug fix in a couple of days, and we’re just a few software development dorks working out of our houses.

TurboTax Online is BROKEN! That’s right, it’s not calculating the sales tax deduction correctly! I enter my amount…and then…it doesn’t calculate! Not only does it not calculate, it doesn’t even show up as a deduction!

AHAHAHAHAAAAA!

I’ve been online with their helpless desk for…going on 40 minutes…and I’m wondering at what point this will be submitted as a bug, since we’ve long since ruled our user error.

I have done my taxes with TurboTax for nine years…and have never had a problem…until today. ERGGGGGHHHHHHHH.

There’s something about home improvement projects which get me all discombobulated. I blame CU’s deployment, because for a solid year, nothing in our house was messed up. I had ample time on my hands, so the place always stayed clean and anything I did do (rearranging & cleaning out all our closets, for example) I did with such joie de vivre, so projects were completed and cleaned up before the walls had too much of an opportunity to start closing in around me.

When CU came back, we threw ourselves head-first into all of those projects you eventually have to do as a homeowner…replacing carpeting, etc. It was after being alone with my uncluttered home that I realized I now come a bit unglued when things are not in their designated location for more than, say, two days. I’m not so anal that I can’t handle it if a cup is on the wrong shelf for ten minutes, I’m more talking when every single thing in your house is relocated to your kitchen, your dining room and your bathrooms for more than, say, two days.

After the carpet, we replaced all the baseboards in the house, which also required we move everything into strange locations for about four days. Then, we repainted my office, which…honestly…I still haven’t put it all back together yet, and it’s been about three weeks…shoot…maybe a month.

Last Wednesday, we removed all of the contents from our closet in preparation for our closet remodel (yay! organization!) and now, we’re still in the process of getting everything back in there and into nifty shelves! and drawers! and bins! This actually is tougher than you might think, especially considering my side of the closet consists of two pairs of black dress slacks and about four shirts.

Anyhoo…we are in the midst of cleaning up after our latest fixeringuppering…but I have to tell you, I now feel like a grownup with my sexy closet. Considering my dressers for the last 15 years have either been assemble-it-yourself or the dreaded baby changing table (hey, the top of the diaper storage area worked great for a tiny TV…and it looked fabbo as a faux buffet in our dining room until last Fall…ahem)…I think it’s about time I had some real clothing storage. Now all I need are some real clothes to store.

In other news, CU’s employer has decided to deploy him to Paris for a week, so we will be spending our second Valentine’s Day apart. I pouted, and am slightly jealous because had we known just two weeks earlier he was going, we could have nixed the Seattle trip and I could have gone with…but that’s okay. Someone has to be here to record all the TV shows and tell him which ones are and aren’t worth watching when he gets back. That could, quite possibly, be the most romantic Valentine’s Day gift ever. Well, that and a hoity toity bottle of French Bordeaux.

I can’t believe I wrote “sexy closet”.

Well, the season for Fafa: Special Victims Unit has kicked off in grand fashion, and I’m pretty happy with the team I acquired…especially since Patrick Dempsey’s wife gave birth yesterday, and I scored points today…YAY!

But, as I told Rose as we were talking about how exactly Clay Aiken wound up on her team, seasons are neither won nor lost based on the initial draft results. This is why I can’t get too cocky about my 6 McDreamyBaby points right out of the gate. McDreamyBaby. Sounds like a Justin Timberlake song…or Gwen Stefani.

We have a pretty fierce league…these ladies are my competition. All, formidable opponents.

Rose from Great Googly Moogly
Dell from Dell’s Diner
Ali from Cheaper Than Therapy
Anna from Average Geek
Stella from StellaSphere

Have fun…Fafa safely!

It must be February, because in February, bombs seem to drop (literally, last year) around Seattle Grace. If you haven’t seen last night’s episode…don’t read any further…

But if you did, did I totally call this or what?

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So, I had this dream last night…Matt Saracen and Julie Taylor were newlyweds, and were participating in some reality show for just-married folks…So You Think You Can Dance Like A Newlywed Idol. Heck, I don’t know.

Anyway, they hired me to help them with their dance routine (yeah, I have no idea about that one, either) – so we did…at some random neighborhood park at like, 2 in the morning. Matt wasn’t that bad of a dancer, if I recall.

My dream then cuts to me sitting on my couch, reading a book. When I look up at the TV, I see literally, the last two seconds of Matt & Julie’s routine on SYTYCDLANI and am absolutely crushed, because I didn’t get to see the whole thing. Rather than sit there and see how they were judged though, I rushed off to my computer to try to find their performance on YouTube.

The moral of the story? Don’t watch Friday Night Lights, then American Idol. I think the newlywed aspect of the dream came from watching that one couple last night from Compton talk about how they were going to get married. You remember the chick…”I’m goin’ dowwwwwwnnnnn…I’m goin’ dowwwwwnnnnn…”

Thank goodness there wasn’t anything good on after AI last night…who knows where else that dream would have gone.