Snarkwife’s Googly Woogly Guide To Valentine’s Day
Superman, Can You Read My Mind?: Ladies, if your man isn’t attentive and romantic the other 364 days of the year, don’t pitch a fit and cry and whine about what a loser he is if your Utopian fantasies don’t materialize today. Besides, if he did show up with roses and candy, you’d probably gripe that (a) the roses will die in four days, (b) the candy will make you fat and (c) he only did all of this because he knew you’d get mad if he didn’t. Unless he completely forgets, cut the guy some slack. Having said that…
Embrace Your Inner McDreamy: Men…know your woman. Pay attention. If you hear her say, “Honey…I really like these pajamas and they would make such a fabulous Valentine’s Day gift,” she has just provided you with a clue. Don’t miss it. Trust yourself…you know what makes her happy and if you don’t, well…that’s why God created Walgreens. Hop to it. There’s nothing that drives a woman more wild than a man who appears to give a damn about her thoughts and interests. Seriously. I wouldn’t steer you wrong on this. If you’re so lucky as to have a Kirsten Cohen who will go so far as to flag pages in the Victoria’s Secret catalog (”Did you get me the black with the beige trim, or the beige with the black trim?”), hold her close and never let her go.
None Of That Lover’s Lament Crap: There are infinitely worse things in life than being single on Valentine’s Day. I remember being single on Valentine’s Day, and the day is only as miserable as you make it. If you start out the day hating coupled people and hating Hallmark and hating Walgreens for having shoved the holiday down your throat since January 2…well sheesh…no wonder you’re single. Go out to dinner. Believe me, people aren’t staring at you. They think you’re amazing for having the courage to go out, because they themselves do not possess that courage. Watch American Idol Grey’s Anatomy (updated for 2007!). Give your doggie a smooch and send e-cards to all your friends.
Misty Watercolored Memories: Purge those ghosts of Valentine’s Days Past. I remember…eight years ago, my then-boyfriend had a dozen long-stemmed red roses delivered to me at work. The sentiment fell flat for multiple reasons, one of which being he used his mom’s credit card to order them. He also seemed to get more of a kick out of the attention he got for sending them (we worked together) than whether or not I actually liked them. The only enjoyable part of that day was going to Albertsons after dinner and watching all the misfit men in the Express Lane buying last-minute cards and candy for 75% off.
That is all. Off you go.
February 13th, 2007 at 7:38 am
I completely agree with you on all counts. Hubs and I refuse to celebrate the “Hallmark Holiday”. How pathetic is this? That you need a day on the calendar to remind you to make sure you let your sweetie know that you love him/her? So you’re off the hook the other 364 days out of the year since you have V.D. to let them know? Sad.
And the restaurant thing? Either the other diners are too into each other, getting all schmoopy, or the women are pissed at whatever their man did and are eyeing you with envy for being able to dine alone and not having to put up with a failed fantasy.
February 13th, 2007 at 8:45 am
Or…the other couples are sitting there, sniping at each other, trying to make sure everyone else is having as crappy time as they are. We experienced that Saturday night…then we got back at them by being all schmoopy.
Heh…I like that word. “Schmoopy”.
February 13th, 2007 at 10:59 am
“No. YOU’RE schmmopy.” “No, YOU’RE schmoopy.”
I actually heard a conversation like that. I threw up in my mouth a little when I heard that.
February 13th, 2007 at 1:41 pm
I have to agree with you on the single bit on V-day. You are as miserable as you allow yourself to be, instead of realizing that it’s better to be alone than with someone just for the sake of it. I thought Schmoopy was from a movie or TV show, it sound familiar.