There’s something seriously wrong with the right side of my body. Last May, I had arthritic pain in my right thumb (the thumb joint connects to the…hand joint) which put my whole hand in a brace and me in physical therapy for three weeks. Scratch this sentence…I found my hand brace and it was, in fact, for the left hand. However, I blame the right side of my brain for not correctly remembering this two hours ago.

Last October, I had what was eventually diagnosed as a meniscus tear in my right knee…caused by too much kneeling while we were replacing our baseboards. A couple weeks after that I unintentionally dropkicked a 2′ x 3′ framed print laying on my office floor. I finally got my knee officially checked out in December and wound up in PT for 5 weeks, with the threat of an MRI and surgery looming if PT didn’t do the trick.

Last Thursday, I was in my new, sexy master closet and the phone rang…it was CU, calling from Paris. You know that line in ‘Twas The Night Before Christmas…”When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter, I sprang from the bed to see what was the matter. Away to the window I flew like a flash, Tore open the shutters and threw up the sash”?

That’s kind of what I did, except I ran my right hand ring finger into the door frame at a high rate of speed and then proceeded to blurt expletives into the phone for about five minutes. Oy, the pain. The pain eventually subsided, it looked like a run of the mill bruise and I went on my merry way.

Yesterday, I started having some rather significant pain underneath the fingernail on that finger. Wait…you’ll love this. Nine years ago, I slammed my right hand into a kitchen cupboard and basically split my ring-finger fingernail vertically down the middle. It never quite healed. Now, the nail grows out about halfway and then splits.

This morning, I wake up at 5 with the most debilitating pain and swelling in that fingertip. It felt, quite literally, like someone was trying to pull the nail off. I located the dogs and CU and determined no one, in fact, was trying to pull off my nail. I then got up, immediately popped 800 mg of ibuprofen, and spent the next hour soaking my acrylic nail off (just had those put back on three weeks ago, after three years with naked nails) to see if somehow I had further damaged the nail and relieve some of the pressure from the swelling.

Short story long, it’s just a nasty bruise and the doctor told me to tape my middle and ring fingers together to immobilize my ring finger…ice it, ibuprofen it, and drug it to death before I go to bed tonight. Should be as good as new in a couple of weeks. I laughed at him when he said that.

I think the next step is to get my right earlobe caught on something. Now, don’t laugh…but look what I found when I was looking for the post about spraining my toe. That’s right…still more injuries.

My doctor recommended wrapping myself in bubble wrap every day when I get up. Might not be a bad idea. Either that, or create a new category for my injury posts…could tag it as “Triage”.