Please, Make The Lambs Stop Screaming: Anna Nicole Smith is finally laid to rest in the Bahamas, near her son. Now, back to your regularly scheduled Fafarazzi season life.

I Can’t Believe He Lost On Jeopardy!: John Ratzenberger née everyone’s favorite mail-delivering trivia freak Cliff Clavin, is replacing Vincent Pastore on Dancing With The Stars, who bailed out after one week of practice. There are reports Heather Mills may also be exiting, but I’d like Heather to stay…because I really need to hear Bruno ask, “Do you have extra batteries in your leg?”

Perpetual Stupidity Is The New Black…Or Salmon: I can’t believe I voluntarily sat still, and not only listened to Kelly Picker sing last night on American Idol, but I also listened to her “talk.” Yeah, those quotes are intentional. And, all of a sudden…not so much smarter than a fifth grader. But, it was even more painful to watch Leslie “I can’t believe I’m scattin!” Hunt get the boot. Sadly, every woman of Caucasian persuasion looks…and sounds…exactly the same to me, and I’m just biding my time until they all go home. But come on, Sanjaya’s still there? Guess what kids, we have our WTF? Contestant for this season.

Lock Up Your Underage Daughters: Big Love returns to HBO on June 17.

My Next-Door Neighbors Are Moving, Too. Where’s Their Show?: Before you ask …yes, you’re reading this correctly. A new reality show will focus on Victoria Beckham’s move to the colonies. Can I call her U-Haul Spice? Please? Oh, I am so calling her that from now on.