First off…HAPPY BIRTHDAY to Mama Snark, who is patiently waiting for winter to end in New York. Hang in there…August will be here before you know it!

When CU was in Iraq last year, I took it on as my personal mission to hook my mom onto every TV show I loved. My first task was to get her addicted to Lost, which worked, although I have no idea if she still watches it. The next one was Grey’s Anatomy…also successful. Finally, the hat trick was American Idol. I remember last season’s audition episodes almost lost her…but I told her to hang in there…that it got better. And, it did. We watched every week, like the AI groupies we are. Ahahaha…another unsuspecting victim to throw onto the pile with the other 38.1 million zombies.

Having said that, my mom “doesn’t care for” Sanjaya. I called her last night, asking her why on Earth that little girl was so terribly, tragically, visbly verklempt during Sanjaya’s gravelly (albeit entertaining) rendition “You Really Got Me Now”. We even got to see him grind around a bit in front of Paula. Hula dancer, indeed.

CU estimated Visibly Verklempt Girl was probably a gigantic fan of the show, has American Idol ringtones and desktop wallpapers and an actual seat in the audience was her 2nd biggest dream come true up until that point - the first, of course, being Simon’s interview with Anderson Cooper on 60 Minutes last Sunday night.

I suppose it wouldn’t be appropriate of me to mock, though…I was, after all, crying similarly about this guy at her age and this a few years later. Nobody ever came into the audience and hugged me, though. Now that I think about it, I never got closer to any of them than via an autographed photo.

So really, I can’t judge, as Visibly Verklempt Girl trumps 8×10 Glossy Girl. But then…the cameraman cut to her crying during Mindy Doo’s performance, too! Now, that was a little suspect. She didn’t cry when Haley “Snarkwife, quit mocking my Katherine McPhee-ness” Scarnato sang!

Bottom three tonight…I’m hoping…Haley, Phil and Gina “I’M NOT YELLING, I’M PAINTING IT BLACK” Glockson. Because Simon seems to be so terribly hot for Haley and I’m hoping for a repeat appearance by Phil’s sidekick, Knitted Cap, I will ask the Software Gods to add up the votes and send Gina home.

Without making this sound like a stodgy review, I think this has been my favorite season so far. There are at least a half dozen people I’d love to see go as far as possible, which is a change for me…usually I like one or two, then hope the rest are run over by a Ford Focus or knocked unconscious by a flying Coke cup.

And, in case it doesn’t make it on to The Soup…the Snarkwife Clip O’ The Week:

Confidential to Jordin Sparks: I’m sorry your man ditched you for another chick…but don’t go and press your face against the windowpane…that’s just pathetic.

More postscript: I just read the recaplet over at Television Without Pity…and Stephanie Edwards was mentioned. I forgot about her. I seem to forget about her every week. She’s so unremarkable to me, I can’t remember to put her in my bottom three.