Weren’t those some of the Seven Dwarfs? Breaky, Creaky & Achy?

Props to the always-funny Capt. UberHusband, for summing up Dionne Warwick’s performances on Dancing With The Stars last night:

“It’s sort of funny when everyone watching this show probably doesn’t remember her for her songs, but for the fact that she was a member of the Psychic Friends Network.”

But hey…say what you will about her…she sounds just as good now as she always has, which is a step up from other divas of her generation. Her first song, “Say A Little Prayer” was great…and although I can’t get My Best Friend’s Wedding out of my head as a natural association…watching Our Professional Dancers interpret the song in suspenders comes pretty darn close.

Ms. Warwicks’s second song, the ode-to-Mapquesty, “Do You Know The Way To San Jose?” (“Depends on where you’re starting.” - Capt. UberHusband) was just…weird. The song itself was fine, but they had these two backup dancers (”unrelated twins,” per Tom Bergeron) who did…strange things. It was like soft-core porn the way they were touching each other and moving around each other. Actually, it was more like one of those Aerobicise videos from the early ’80s.

Since Sanjaya’s not competing this season (just you wait…he’ll be there for Season Nine), I was rooting for either Shandi “I Don’t Do Drugs Like Tara” Finnessey to go home or…Leeza “I’m 50!” Gibbons. Shandi’s partner gives me the willies, and I truly fear watching Leeza do the Paso Doble.

However, Paula Porizkova was not on my short list, because she’s funny, and I love her spirit. How can you not adore a woman who says she has no “inner Latina”? But, she went home…and joins, based on the montage I saw last night, a really bitter group of first-round losers from previous seasons. Well, except for Tucker Carlson…he has a thick enough skin to understand what this all means in the grand scheme of things. Ahem…kennymayne.