snarkwifedotcom

I think I’ve figured out what my issue is with Shandi & Brian on Dancing With The Stars. Remember back in…oh, I don’t know…fifth or sixth grade, when they’d corral all of the kids in the cafeteria on rainy days and force us to learn important life skills like the Virginia Reel?

At that point, we ladies were starting to experience our growth spurt, while the boys were still stuck being shorter than us…and slighter than us. That’s CU’s word…slight…and how he described Brian in proportion to Ms. Shandissey.

No doubt, I’m sure Shandi & Brian are nice people…but they’re just…weird. They have zero chemistry, and…could their dancing be described as pitchy? Please, oh please…send them home tonight.

The Good: Joey & Kim, dancing the Tango to the Star Wars theme (with guest star R2-D2!); Ian & Cheryl, getting in touch with his inner Chippendale and rocking the shakin’ ass…and Skater Boi & Julianne, who are so very awesome together.

The Bad: While I do continue to give props to Heather Mills and the courage it takes to come out and do that thing she does each week now, talk about an unfair advantage. No one else gets to go get a bouncier leg so they can dance better. Hell, Master P clunked around on his own two stiff legs and managed to make it through 3 or 4 weeks of competition. While she was good, and girlfriend gets credit for coming out in the shoes she was wearing, she really wasn’t 24-points good. Unfortunately, I’m going to have to award this round of the competition to RoboLeg.

And, in rather efficient fashion, Leeza Gibbons’s “tramp” tattoo (giggle! it’s fake!) has replaced Phil Stacey’s knitted cap as the Next Big Thing. Such a cutthroat world…the land of sidekick accessories.

Hey…did you hear Survivor would be on tonight? No, not that Survivor…this Survivor! Rrrow!