snarkwifedotcom

In case you’ve been wondering where I’ve been, I realize I’ve turned into “that girl”…you know, the one who gets who she thinks has a really cool new boyfriend and then cuts off virtually all contact with her friends.

Except, with me, I got four really uncool boyfriends and have had to hang out with them for the past month. Let me introduce you to them.

First, we have The One Who Sucks Up To Me. This guy was over-enthusiastically enthusiastic about pretty much every idea I had, every plan I proposed and every email I sent out. While the flattery was nice at first, eventually it got…a little…creepy.

I also spent time with The Totally Inattentive One Who Said About Ten Words Our Entire Relationship. I’m still trying to remember what his name was.

Most of you ladies out there will be familiar with #3, The One Who Shows Up Only When It’s Convenient For Him, Showing Zero Concern For Your Needs. He’ll pop in and make some sort of profound statement and the next thing you know, he’s gone.

Finally, there’s The Egotistical Asshole Who Is Trying To Be The Hero. You know who I’m talking about…the guy who insists you didn’t send out status emails keeping him apprised of the status (even though he responded to most of them) involve yourself in the relationship, and provides absolutely no feedback until literally, the 11th hour. Then, in a valiant effort to show he gives a crap and wants things to succeed in spite of your perceived shortcomings, he starts inundating you with recommendations and ways “things can change.”

When you question him, dumbfounded as to why he waited until things (in his opinion, anyway) had fallen so far into the ditch before bringing any of this up…he just stares at you blankly. Then, he asks you to read his mind and then fix the problems for him. But no, the problems aren’t our lack of communication or the fact that he has no regard for anyone in the relationship but himself…according to him, it’s because I don’t put the cap back on the toothpaste.

I’ll translate those metaphors for you…instead of concentrating on the CONTENT of our project, which is 60% of our grade, he decided to beat three sentences to death over a 24-hour period as the self-appointed “Word doesn’t catch everything” Grammar Police. To add even more perspective, this was a piddly 15-page (double space, no less!) case analysis.

But, I turned it in this morning - under the watchful eye of The Egotistical Asshole, who I guess didn’t think I had enough smarts to upload a document. I’m surprised he didn’t ask for a screen shot as proof I submitted it.

Oy…more to come…happier news, I promise!