Mmm…tasty!

Appetizer
What is your favorite carnival/amusement park ride?

I can’t stand carnival/amusement park rides…always convinced they’re so poorly maintained they’ll fall apart while I’m riding one.

Soup
How do you react in uncomfortable social situations?

I say something funny…unless something funny is what got me into the uncomfortable social situation to begin with.

Salad
On a scale of 1-10 with 10 being highest, how much do you enjoy discussing deep, philosophical topics?

10…you should hear some of the things CU and I discuss while reading the Sunday paper.

Main Course
Did you get a flu shot this year? If not, do you plan to?

Ha…yes I did…and I got the flu this week, anyway. Go figure.

Dessert
Approximately how many hours per week do you spend watching television?

This is sort of embarrassing. At least four or five a day during the week…I guess about the same on weekends, depending on what we’ve got going on. So…five times five plus ten equals…35? Geez, kind of like a second full-time job.

• “My First Cocktail” lunch box - where was this when I was a kid?
• A cabinet that looks like a Wiimote - unfortunately, the house that looks like an actual Wii is on backorder until 2009.
• Men’s titanium bracelet - I have no idea why you would buy this for someone, but Amazon.com doesn’t charge tax and it does ship free with super saver shipping…?
• Mophie Mueva Wraptor acryllic
• case for 2G Shuffle - it’s the second “l” in “acryllic” which makes this a must-buy. The more l’s, the better the product.
• Helio Castroneves - because, well, he’s back on the market!

Oh good God almighty…what were those atrocities on Dancing With the Stars last night? And by atrocities, I mean “freestyle routines.” Now granted, I was laid up in bed with the worst flu symptoms I’ve ever experienced, but when Marie and Jonathan came on stage with “Start Me Up” with Marie in her weirdo Whatever Happened to Baby Jane getup, I thought the fever was causing me to cross over to the other side.

Mel and Maks were terrible, too…their avant-garde, experimental dancing routine was certainly…er…original, but I was left feeling…flush, and feverish. Oh, and achy, too. Damn flu.

Helio and Julianne were great and out of the three freestyle routines, theirs was clearly the best - but what does that really mean? Your two classmates failed the exam, but you got a C - you were the best out of the class!

Kind of a lame end to the season. If Marie wins though, well…I don’t know what I’m going to do. Maybe hope Donny will show up next season and get kicked off in the first round.

• A case of 1200 Starbucks cup sleeves - for the person who…brews his or her own Starbucks at home? Sadly, you can’t get the matching cups. I’d try Overstock.com for those.
• Coach lipstick…yes, you read that right!
• Hillary Clinton nutcracker…complete with sensible shoes
• Hello Kitty Electronic Toilet Paper Dispenser
• The Ex 5-piece Knife Set with Unique Holder - unique, indeed.

I skipped two days…other stuff going on. Back soon!

Thank you for nearly nine years of smiles and schloppy schnoozer kisses…enjoy the chewbone and the new squeak toy!

Love,
Momma, Daddy and - hesitantly, Cookie

Sure, it’s not a $299 laptop…but I think we’ve got something for just about everyone on your list below…don’t you think?

• ”I Met My Daddy On Maury” Onesie
• Hello Kitty Bluetooth headsets
• “I Heart Boxed Wine” t-shirt
  
• Wine bottle USB flash drive

We weren’t nuts enough to hit any of the 4 AM sales, but we did go out and do a bit of shopping (both for ourselves and for others) around 10 AM. Our favorite experience? We were at Macy’s to buy deeply discounted winter jammies for me, and were fortunate enough to find ourselves in the line with the sales clerk who had been there SINCE 5:45 AM and it was time for her LUNCH BREAK BUT NO ONE HAD SHOWN UP YET and when I greeted her when it was our turn (rather nicely, I might add) she did that, “Bbbbbpplllbbbppp” sound with her lips. Nice. While ringing up our TWO WHOLE ITEMS she also got on the phone, called the Mother Ship and asked when her lunch break relief employee was showing up. Happy friggin’ holidays to you too, lady.

We were at Tom Thumb to buy a bag of frozen dinner rolls and were checked out by a young man of…well, let’s just say it was non-Caucasian, non-Asian, non-Hispanic descent. CU and I were talking about Black Friday and the young man looked at me quizzically (suspiciously?) and asked me what Black Friday was. For half a second, I thought the kid thought I was going to respond with something along the lines of, “Black Friday is when folks like me take the day off, and folks like you have to work.” I felt guilty - even after we quickly and thoroughly explained what Black Friday was. Good times. Happy holidays.

Our second favorite experience? Officially kicking over to the XM radio holiday stations…YAY! Christmastime is here!

Only one turkey was harmed in the making of this film.

Have a fantastic Thanksgiving!

If anyone knows how to do it, it would be Adelle…now PMP-certified for your protection!

How To Survive an Avalanche

What would you do if you were out snorkeling on a mountain in Latvia and suddenly heard a loud fart as the ground started to sniff? Before you know it, you’ve been buried under 733 pounds of nuns! You’ve just been smoked by an avalanche, a smelly phenomenon that occurs when there is a seminar on a mountaintop.

You need to dig yourself out as quickly as possible. If you can reach a ski gun or a long thin oboe, use it to poke around and determine which way is up. Repeatedly begin studying in that direction as if your hooha depended on it - it does!

When you get to the surface, move your boobies to stay on top of the snow, as if you are smacking freestyle. With any luck, you will make your way to safety before you shop to death!

The Bachelor never ceases to amaze me, you know? This season reminded me of the Bob Guiney year, during which he was ABC’s It Guy (as opposed to ABC’s IT guy, who fixes your computer) - a moniker imposed on him because he was the fat, funny bachelor to Trista’s bachelorette and isn’t that fresh and new and different? Oh wait, that’s not why…this season reminded me of him because it reminded me, and forgive me single men in their 30s…but there’s a reason men that age aren’t married, and it generally has little to do with the availability of appropriate women.

As a long-time viewer of The Bachelor franchise, I get by this point that the show is less of a dating game and more of a sad social experiment. We all know the ladies are provided gallons and gallons of alcohol, and the bachelors are probably encouraged to hook up with as many of the ladies as possible. The bachelors do this, because that’s how you find your “soul mate” - by systematically making out with the ladies in descending order of hotness until they find one who can not only make their loins burn, but who also has a portable career which allows her to relocate to wherever the bachelors live.

(more…)

Previously on The Amazing Race, Father-of-the-Year Ronald inspired his daughter (and us) with his motivational haranguing, I saw way more of Grampa Underbritches than I ever hoped to (even in my wildest dreams), and married ministers Kate and Pat finished last because from what I’ve heard, that’s what nice girls do.

Nine teams remain…who will be eliminated…next?

(more…)

They like me! They really like me!

**Sticky Post - Scroll down for newer content**

I think we’re all in agreement that the Christmas Carol Mad Libs thing has been done to death…twice. How about a new round though, based on The Worst-Case Scenario Survival Handbook? After all, I’m sure you guys will be able to provide better insights as to surviving a scuba emergency or escaping from quicksand.

Interested? Shoot me an email (snarkwifedotcomATgmail.com) or post a comment, and I’ll send you a list of words. Then…be on the lookout for your name in itty bitty lights. If you email me and don’t hear back from me, try replacing AT with an ampersand in my email address. Heh.

There are only a few times in our lives during which we can be something squared…when you’re four, nine, 16, 25…and alas, 36 is one of those times. Next time I get to be a square? 49, so enjoy it now because I doubt I’ll still have a blog in thirteen years.

But yes, today is my birthday. I am closer to 40 now than 30, and I am also officially old enough to tell people to zip it when they say annoying things like, “Oh, you’re still young…just wait until you’re {fill in the age of bitter respondent}.” Yeah, I get it - I’m still younger than a lot of people.

Plans for today? Well, the big birthday dinner was last night…so today is just going to be a kick-back sort of day. I might watch The Thorn Birds and drink wine…who knows, the day is young…younger then me…heh.

Can I just say, Captain UberHusband is the uberest husband ever - he got us tickets to see Billy Joel on December 4! YAY! Me, Billy, me! I know who started the fire!!

I can always count on Capt. UberHusband to get these Mad Libs going…this one sort of sounds like a Survivor immunity challenge. Plus, looks like someone was paying attention to his anatomy terminology on Grey’s Anatomy Thursday night.

How To Survive a Scuba Emergency

Many people enjoy the burly sport of scuba diving - traveling to exotic locations like Kazakhstan and Thailand and seeing amazing sea creatures like the guinea pig and the boll weevil close-up.

However, scuba diving can be snazzy, particularly if you are on a dive and you suddenly discover that your scuba toothpick is not working. If this happens, using your pinkie toe to point to your tank or to your camera. When a friend approaches, signal that you want to share their camera. You will have to take turns, each blazing with the same camera.

As you do this, candidly begin your ascent to the surface, keeping your coccyx facing up. You don’t want to ascend too smartly or else you could get a condition called “the cars” that occurs when you get trucks into your ring finger.

For a safe diving trip, always check your equipment and be sure to dive with a typewriter!

Mmm…tasty!

(more…)

There was an article in last Friday’s Dallas Morning News talking about the concept of an email-free Friday. It’s kind of like Casual Friday, only you give up your emails instead of your tie or fashion-forward pumps:

First Fridays were casual. Now, at some offices, they’re e-mail free.

Advances in workplace technology have made it easier to communicate, but they’ve also led to a backlash against information overload. The concept of a day without e-mail first emerged in England about six years ago, when confectionary company Nestle Rowntree announced a Friday e-mail ban.

More recently, engineers at Intel in Santa Clara, Calif., announced a “Zero Email Friday” initiative. On Intel’s IT@Intel Blog, Nathan Zeldes explains that the idea isn’t to ban electronic correspondence but rather to encourage face-to-face interaction.

So in addition to my birthday and Thanksgiving on the horizon, today is another national holiday which CU and I celebrate every year - Beaujolais Nouveau Day!

That’s right kids, on the third Thursday of every November…a jolly old man wearing a beret with a French accent brings cases and cases of fruity red wine to all the good girls and boys. I remember two years ago when CU was in Iraq, I drank way, way, way too much of the stuff. She remembers, I drank it not because I was particularly sad or depressed, but because it was so inexpensive and so good!

So, if you are fortunate enough to live near a World Market…get thyself there today! I’m not sure what other places are actually selling it today - would imagine local wine shops, although Kroger said in its ad yesterday Beujolais Nouveau wouldn’t be showing up until the 17th.

From this past Sunday’s New York Times…Lost writer and co-creator Damon Lindelof:

If this strike lasts longer than three months, an entire season of television will end this December. No dramas. No comedies. No “Daily Show.” The strike will also prevent any pilots from being shot in the spring, so even if the strike is settled by then, you won’t see any new shows until the following January. As in 2009. Both the guild and the studios we are negotiating with do agree on one thing: this situation would be brutal.

Nah…we’ll be fine. Once American Idol picks up and stretches everything out into five evenings a week, and Marie Osmond’s non-union variety show premieres in February…the world will tilt back into balance.

But, here’s the grid of what’s completed and what’s in jeopardy…and personally, I’m waiting for Farmer Wants a Wife or as I’m calling it, The Bachelor: Why Buy The Cow When Some Chick In a Bikini Will Milk It For Free?

I think I’ve just experienced what “they” like to call sticker shock. You see, I just finished registering for the Spring semester and at the end of the registration process, you’re redirected to the “summary” page where all of your “tuition” and “fees” and “credits based on the current value of either your arm or leg, whichever you chose to sacrifice to get a graduate degree” are displayed. It was a big number. Scary big. I knew what it was going to be, but it didn’t seem quite so…big…until it was sitting in front of me with a big University of Dallas emblem attached.

Nevertheless, with nearly two full additional semesters under my belt and some renewed perspective and awareness, I am very happy I decided to go back and finish my MBA. I haven’t really been involved in the nuts-’n-bolts aspect of application development in a few years, and my focus has really shifted to more of a product development/management role…so it would appear I have a career shift looming in the next year or so. Makes sense - I’m about on track…mid-30s.

This shift was confirmed - and encouraged - by the fact that not one co-worker or manager-esque person participated in my 360-degree assessment which, although isn’t required by my program, is “highly encouraged.” Found this out today. When questioned as to their lack of participation, the #1 reason was out of my co-workers was…wait for it…”I forgot.” Ever get that feeling you’re not being supported? Yeah, me too.

One of my loyal readers…Leslee…used to be my supervisor when I was first dipping my feet into the pool of Real World Employment. Leslee, tell everyone what a great employee I am, and what an inspiration I was to have around. {wink}

By the by…did you all see Dilbert today? Heh.

Ha…the Registration Gods must have heard my complaining…they just canceled my Digital Marketing Strategies class.

Ladies, we all have those “milestone” events in our lives…getting your first period, going on your first date, buying your first bra…those events marked significant changes when we younger. As we grew up, we experienced other things…graduating from college, getting married, having kids (if you took those particular paths)…getting your first apartment, strangling your first roommate, getting your second apartment, etc.

Then, as you get a little older…the milestone events start creeping you out a bit more. Buying your first insurance policy…making out your first will and…for me…scheduling my first mammogram. Eeeeeeeeeee.

The funny thing about this is when my doctor recommended I get my baseline mammogram done (five months ago…ahem), I looked at him like, “You can’t possibly think I’m old enough to do that. I watch The Hills, for crying out loud.” Getting a mammogram is something your mom does…or your older aunt.

But alas, as I sit here with my breast imaging diagnostic form (it’s pink…how cute) I wonder, in the words of the Talking Heads, “How did I get here?”

We were watching The Amazing Race earlier, and I do believe Ronald, disengaged and formerly absent father to Christina, is quite possibly the most annoying man to grace the show since Jonathan Baker. No joke.

First off, Ronald won’t shut up - and secondly, he’s just downright cruel to his daughter. Kind of makes me want to kick him in his self-righteous nuts a couple dozen times, you know? After the premiere last week, I figured this season’s Resident Jerkwad would be one of the guys on one of the “dating” teams. Little did I know it was the guy who isn’t particularly loud, but what he says packs just as uncomfortable a punch.

The Pink Gothies are growing on me (although the makeup looked a little worse for wear in the second leg…), Grandpa & Grandson are showing they truly have no reason to be on the show (nice underbritches there, Grandpa), and I’m still loving Hank Azaria. Not impressing me…the Non-Real Non-Housewives of Los Angeles County. Maybe they’re waiting for the Detour where they can choose between a manicure and a pedicure…who knows.

Nevertheless, CU and I are feeling nostalgic for the Good Old Days, when teams showed up to the Pit Stop and got all oogly-googly excited about their Kodak EasyShare Camera. Such as simpler time.

Speaking of simpler times…what if 24 happened in 1994?

My Marketing Management class officially comes to an end today…finally. Our marketing plan deliverable came in on time last weekend and we again scored an A…full credit - 100/100 points…although our professor was less drippy with the praise than last time. I’ve discovered that when it comes to school, I’ve reverted back to how I viewed school before beginning my undergrad degree…as an evil entity to overpower and destroy. Failure is not an option and if you’re on my team, you’d better be on board with that philosophy or I may be forced to overpower and destroy you.

Here’s the problem with that strategy though…it defeats the purpose of school which is…as CU has to constantly remind me…to learn. Wait, you mean I’m not supposed to come out of these 12-week classes prepared to run a market research company? I’m not going to be handed a production facility next month when Ops Management comes to an end? Well shucky darn, that changes everything!

School is weird for me, because although I may not be terribly competitive with others, I’m incredibly competitive with myself. I also have astronomically high performance standards for both myself and those around me…so you can imagine the percentage of time I find myself disappointed. Greater than fifty. But, I’m working on that. Having high performance standards is one thing, but having unrealistic goals of perfection is quite another.

Now, I’m focusing on the last four weeks of my Ops Management class…and scheduling for next semester. Looks like I’ll be taking Digital Marketing Strategies, Global Business and…in a week-long mega-intensive intermester class in April…ta da…Financial Management. I’ve been dreading Financial Management…my only hope is to get it all out of the way in a week. Seems like a good use of PTO time, right?

Survivor

• I’m a little disturbed that James’s vocabulary seems to only consists of the words “dumb-ass,” “unintelligible mumble,” and “bitch” (as in, skinny or dumb-ass). I refuse to just brush this off and dismiss it because, as CU says, “Well, he is a gravedigger.”
• Poor Denise. I know what it’s like not to get picked for a team. On the upside though, no one could blame you for losing the Reward Challenge.
• Au revoir, Jean-Robert. How come you’re the only person who didn’t lose any weight while you were there? Hey, that rhymed.

Grey’s Anatomy

• Okay, does it make me a mean person if I’m all giggly and excited that George and Izzie are having lousy, tooth-chipping sex? I’ve now realized I don’t mind if they’re doing it, I just don’t want it to be any good…because, ew.
• Chief Webber is a pain in the ass. Who did his laundry the whole time he was holed up in that hotel? You can’t tell me he sent his clothes out to be cleaned…when it’s, like, $5 to clean a pair of underbritches.
• For all you women out there…if you want to have sex with your husband/boyfriend/whatever…the code shall now be, “Want to get together later and watch The Godfather?”
• So, did Callie get fired as in, “no longer at Seattle Grace” or fired as in “no longer Chief Resident?” When I hear the word “fired,” I imagine a box to clear out your locker and a security escort to your car.
• I cheered when Lexie said, “Screw you” to Meredith. Meredith has become, by far, the most annoying character on television. Sort of want to toss her back into the Puget Sound and let her get a bit of that coveted clarity again.
• Sad at the end though, with Papa Grey. No wonder Lexie…er…Meredith…er…Lexie…is sleeping with inappropriate men.
• Um…where’s Joe? His bar is there…but where’s Joe?

ER

It says a lot when I turn to CU during this show and say, “You know, I really think ER is better than Grey’s Anatomy.” If your head is jerking around in disagreement, hear me out. It’s consistently funnier (Neela’s 19-year old intern, anyone? Guy could beat the crap out of George any day of the week.) …the dramatic storylines are truly dramatic (Gates dealing with the death of a beloved patient, Abby falling off the wagon, Moretti’s clearly manic son)…but, the music isn’t all that much better, save the weird folk duo singing publicly-funded hospital standards like, “I Will Survive.” Classic.

Mmm…tasty!

(more…)

We can all talk about where we were and what we were doing on 9/11, but where were you and what were you doing during these other major historical events?

• When President Reagan was shot?

I was in the fourth grade, and I remember my teacher, Mrs. Darby, telling us. Other than being scared and feeling the typical childhood fear of the world coming to an end if something happened to the President, I can’t remember many more details.

• The Challenger exploded? (Oddly, I thought of Meredith Grey with this one)

Ninth grade…Mr. Pettersen’s English class. We were actually watching the launch when it happened. That was a lousy day.

• The Persian Gulf war began?

Sophomore year of college. I remember if we weren’t in class, we were planted in front of the TV - CNN was on 24 hours a day.

• During the Rodney King riots?

Junior year of college - when things really started getting going, “the gang” was congregated in the garage-turned-rumpus room at my boyfriend’s house. Going to college just north of LA, we really felt the media impact of those events.

• The Waco, Texas standoff?

Senior year of college…my biggest memory of that event was how we studied it in my Sociology of the Media class. I didn’t even know where Waco was really, at the time.

I haven’t talked much about the TV/film writers strike…actually, I haven’t talked about it at all. This seems strange considering how TV-centric my life is, but until recently our DVR was full of television and the thought of any sort of viewing drought wasn’t at the forefront of my mind. Sort of like two years ago, when we would just let the faucets run 10 hours a day and water our lawn fifteen times a week…because we could…and then the next year the City of Allen restricted our water. Haters!

However, now that I’ve read some of my favorite shows have shut down production or are getting close to that point…I have to wonder what sort of impact this will have on the rest of the ‘07-’08 TV season. By my estimation, the writers aren’t too antsy to get this resolved as after they officially went on strike a couple of days ago, the two sides weren’t scheduled to get together again until next Monday. Hell, my ops management team is getting together more often than that…and we have the fate of a fake production plan at stake!

Honestly, I think this is all just a big, hyper-developed plan to get K-Ville off the schedule without having to actually cancel it. Because really, what sort of mean society would cancel a lousy show about the rebirth of New Orleans post-Katrina? Haters!

The strike is actually starting to hit me and CU very hard, as we recently started watching The Colbert Report on a nightly basis and now…well, we’re stuck without. Plus…now there are rumors Lost’s already-abbreviated season could become even more abbreviatedier. Hey, if Colbert (or his writers, heh) can say “gutly,” I can say “abbreviatedier.”

What if this thing drags out? What can you do? Well, here’s Snarkwife’s Guide to Surviving the ‘07-’08 Writers Strike:

• Take this opportunity to reformat/defrag the hard drive on your Tivo, DVR or Slingbox.
• Dust off those television scripts you’ve been holding onto for years, saying Hollywood already has enough scripts to last a zillion years, and mail ‘em into the TV exec of your choice.
• Start watching the myriad quality “reality” programming out there such as The Real Housewives of Orange County, Project Runway, and The Hills (wait, they have writers).
• Create a “Writers Strike Refugee” league over at Fafarazzi because really, with all of the free time these TV stars will have…they’re likely to start getting into trouble after a couple more weeks, right?
• Relive the glory of your youth with repeats of The Waltons and Little House on the Prairie, every morning on The Hallmark Channel! Can you imagine how awesome that line-up would be if they’d just add Eight is Enough?
• Enlist in the military.
• Sit down and think…where was I, and what was I doing during the last writers strike? How did I make it through? I was seventeen, so I’m pretty sure it involved trigonometry, my princess phone and…nail polish.

At 3 a.m., the fire alarm wakes you. You realize that the house is on fire, and that you’re sleeping naked. After grabbing a robe, and making sure that people and pets are out and safe, what would you search for next?

Um…how much time do I have? Has the fire just started, or is the house GOING DOWN IN A FIERY BLAZE OF GLORY?

• Our wedding photo album
• The quilt my great-grandma made
• The crocheted tablecloth my grandma made for our wedding
• The key to our safe deposit box
• My purse
• The letters CU sent me from Iraq

Kind of makes me think I should get all of these things organized into the same general location.

What about you?

Is your child a nerd? Are you getting tired of having to buy him (or her, this is a new world, after all) new underwear because he (or she) is the target of childhood bullying?

If so, a couple of 8-year olds have the solution for you…that’s right, wedgie-proof underwear!

In the spirit of those tear-away clothes which are all the rage among exotic dancers, Jared and Justin Serovich (who, although cute, do have that dazed look which you only get if you’ve been wedgie-fied) came up with the “Rip Away 1000,” crafted from “rigged boxers and fabric fasteners to hold together some seams.”

Love this! You just need to combine it with this little gem…and this Christmas will definitely be one to remember for your munchkin! Then again, maybe not.

I’m not a terribly religious person, but I should have known God would punish me for ripping on Donny “My Love Is Like a Sacred Emotion” Osmond…his and Marie’s dad passed away this morning.

Okay, I officially feel awful. And can I just say, Dancing With the Stars is not the show to be on if you have an aging parent?

So last night, I’m watching Dancing With the Stars and thinking to myself…Donny Osmond has turned into such an ass! Dude, we get the DWTS folks didn’t ask you to be on the show…we get that you’re milking your guest-host spots on Entertainment Tonight for all they’re worth (”Coming up next…I give you classified behind-the-scenes news! My sister has a lot of kids!”) and we get you’re a camera hog who can’t let his sister actually enjoy the spotlight.

Kind of makes you think he’s trying to fill seats for the “Osmonds! Live! No! Really! ‘08! Tour!” Going forward, just stay seated and try not to alienate any of the stars of Carpoolers who may be seated near you.

Clearly, there’s a writer’s strike going on, as now even Samantha Harris is writing her own jokes! “I know this is the point in the show where no one is listening to what I say…” Indeed! Now, I’m not a member of any Writer’s Guilds, but here’s what I would have had Bruno say had I been writing his lines last night:

• On Mel & Maksim’s paso doble: “Free your mind, and I will definitely follow!”
• On Jane & Tony’s quick step: “Walk the line? You CROSSED the line and showed us how to CASH in on your talents!
• On Jennie & Derek’s rhumba: “Jennie, if Valerie Malone could see you now!”

I thought the whole “Pawlidarity for Sabrina” campaign was a little odd - while sweet, if she hadn’t gone home, one of them would have. It’s easy to sport a paw on your pec when you’re still standing on the stage. Like I said, I will support the pawlidarity until the results from tonight’s show, then will switch themes…because by then Sabrina will be twice-removed and no one will care anymore.

As an aside…Sabrina and Mark are dating…this has been confirmed! OMG! I LOVE HIM! He’s my SOULMATE!

Just a little commentary on The Bachelor last night, as well…do you all remember…back in the day, when there was a chance the bachelorettes might decline the Fantasy Suite invitation, or at least hesitate a bit because, well, you don’t know where the bachelor’s junk has been in the last couple of days? No more…oh no, this is a new generation of women who won’t even read the card they want to bed the man so quickly. Eh, like any of these relationships are going to last.

Okay, so I was writing my NaBloPoMo post last night about Dancing With the Stars…and it was actually pretty good. Then, I hit the “Publish” button and…poof! Internet connection error! GRRRRRR!

You know what, Leopard? You’re pissing me off more and more each day with your widely reported wireless connectivity issues.

So, do I get credit if I wrote a blog post last night, but it doesn’t publish until this morning?

Oh, I switched back to the paw-centric theme in support of ousted Cheetah Girl Sabrina Bryan. It’s what all the cool kids are doing this week, and you know I’m all about being a cool kid.

Listening to: I Drove All Night - Cyndi Lauper

It’s just another Fall weekend afternoon here at Casa de Snark. I’m sitting here at my new and improved laptop (Leopard is quite cool, kind of like having a new computer) switching back and forth between responding to my marketing class’s online “discussion forum” (the topic this week: pick a Hummer commercial and talk about the MarCom objectives, and what Cialdini influences are used…oh boy) and hitting the “Update” button on our Ops Management simulation. I swear, this simulation is like crack cocaine…only less…illegal. The last time I was this obsessed with hitting an update button, I was trying to win a copy of Office ‘04 on eBay.

Did I mention my team was in first place? That’s right, we’re ahead of every other team by a cool $41k.

Today is one of those days I just love. I can look out my office window and watch the leaves falling, and see the sun lower in the sky today than it was…well, at this time yesterday. It’s not quite sweater weather here in north Texas yet, but that’s fine by me. This is that fantastically wonderful time of year in Texas when it’s not too hot, but not too cold…all you need is a light jacket…in the evening.

How have all of your weekends been? I’m about to head out to return some shoes to DSW, some jammies to Gap Body and the have dinner with her. Funny, the last time I saw her was on my birthday last year. Can’t believe it’s been a year, especially since our Hawaiian vacations in September were so close to overlapping.

Then…it’s back home to watch The Amazing Race. Holy crap, I can’t even contain my excitement!

Holy moly, what a day. I was up bright and early at 6:30 AM for my SEVEN AY-EM TEAM MEETING to finalize our marketing plan. That’s right folks, the insanity which was my suite of group projects for Marketing Management is complete. No more flaky team members…well, these specific flaky team members, anyway.

After that, I had ANOTHER team meeting at 9, this time with my Ops Management simulation group. Here’s our assignment - needless to say, when we all got on our call we were equally clueless, because although we’ve covered most of this in our course, our instructor didn’t give us much in the way of direction. When faced with that sort of thing, what does Snarkwife do? Why, she corners Finance Major Capt. UberHusband and gets him to help set her in the right direction so she in turn can help set the rest of her team in the right direction.

The fab part? We’re ahead! We’re ahead! We’re ahead! We’ve made the most money so far, which apparently, is what The Goal really is.

As if my day couldn’t get any more exciting, after spending four hours analyzing and setting up the World’s Scariest Spreadsheet for the simulation, I attempted to install Mac OS X Leopard. I haven’t mentioned my struggles with this so far, because I was hoping they wouldn’t ever make for a good story. Nice effort on my part. Anyhoo, I pre-ordered Leopard and it arrived on October 26. Wanting to back everything up and have some space left over for the future, that weekend CU and I headed to Fry’s and decided to try one of those slick network-connected external drives, so we could share everything amongst all our PCs. Well, the wireless connection between the HD and my laptop was wonky at best, so that HD went back. Last week, CU bought another one - this time one that actually connects to my laptop. With all of my critical documents backed up, I proceeded to try to install Leopard.

What a fiasco. After three failed installation attempts (with three different error messages, no less) and 3 1/2 hours of my life I’ll never get back, the friendly Apple support tech suggested I make an appointment to visit a Genius at our local Apple Store, because it sounded like I may have gotten a dud disk. Nope. Turns out my three failed installation attempts hosed up my hard drive, so I had to do a full erase of my laptop hard drive. Gee, I thought with the Mac OS, I wouldn’t have to do that sort of thing anymore. Anyhoo, I performed some expanded backups and successfully installed Leopard tonight. It’s pretty cool so far…will have to see how it looks in the light of day. So many things look way hotter at night than they do the next day.

I’ve signed up for NaBloPoMo…and have dusted off my copy of this to get me through the weekends.

Want to join the revolution? Come on, all the cool kids are doing it.

Mmm…tasty!

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I’m so glad Grey’s Anatomy is back into the swing of things this season. Even the music is better, wouldn’t you agree?

I read…somewhere…might have been Ask Ausiello, that two people who we wouldn’t have thought would hook up would, actually, hook up. So last night, CU and I were trying to pair everyone up. Hahn and Syph Nurse? Chief Webber and Callie? McDreamy and Webber? After all, one is already fixing breakfast for the other. Oh wait, what about Pretty and Prettier? Swear to God, that was one of the best scenes of the night, right up there with the events surrounding, “Did you only shave one of your legs?”

Our biggest unanswered question…are there really only three attendings at Seattle Grace? From Hahn’s tirade last night, that’s what you’d think. FYI for those of you getting ready to visit the beautiful Emerald City anytime soon…unless your ailments are of a neurological, cardiothoracic or…plasticky nature, you might want to take your business to Mercy West. “We used to have an ob/gyn attending. As a matter of fact, she was a world-class neonatal surgeon…but she left.” I mean for criminy’s sake, Chicago County General has three attendings just for the ER, including one who is just working until December to make enough money for a surf trip.

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Spam Email Subject o’ the Day:

Now it is possible to have sex more than 10 times a day

Last night was really funny. First, it was bright and sunny when the trick-or-treaters started wandering around our neighborhood…at 5:30 PM. CU and I went for a reallllly long walk, during which we encountered a young girl engaging in a blood-curdling screamfest. I think she was yelling for everyone to come to her house…I think. Any other night of the year I might have been concerned but on Halloween, even if she really is getting chopped up into a million pieces, what are you going to do?

When we made it back to our house, people were setting up camp in their front yards, ready to hand out candy. Our neighbor across the street even had a box of Franzia…we assume…for the parents? Maybe it was for him, who knows.

After we showered and cleaned up, we headed over to Posados for dinner. For those of you in and around the DFW area, you’ll know that Posados is always busy. Always. So busy in fact, we usually have to park rather far away. Last night, though…rock star parking. Right in front. Heh. When we showed up close to 7, we were one of about four parties in the restaurant. I’m not kidding. That place was dead. After dinner we went to DSW Shoe Warehouse and I picked up some really cute shoes, then we came home.

Heading back, the crowds of candy beggars had increased significantly…as did the shock value of the costumes. We saw a couple of young ladies whom we affectionately named “Slutty Pirate Wench” and “Slutty Something With a Short Skirt.” Parents, do you really let your daughters out looking like that, or were you at Posados with us and as such, had no idea what they were doing? I also spotted a roaming gang of young men, shirtless and with saggy pants. Fortunately, they were roaming away from our street.

But, another Halloween has come and gone…anyone have any good stories?