Dear Time Warner,

I’ve noticed in the past few weeks that the number of spam emails which make it to my inbox has substantially increased.

While I understand my email client can filter junk mail (which it does swimmingly, BTW), I also depend on you as my ISP to protect me from salacious e-morons who want me to use Adobe Akrobat, ask if 8 incches is Enough 4 me (actually, just one ‘c’ is enough for me), and would like me to view my bill online. Oh wait, that last one is from AT&T.

Normally this wouldn’t bother me all that much, except as of late you’ve been sending me inane emails with fortune cookie subject lines like:

• It is good, when there are experts in what that
• Try and believe in itself
• Accept the correct decision
• Check up as far as you are strong
• Wow..Mens Love This (Mens? Is that like ‘internets’?)

I appreciate that your organization might believe these emails may be of interest to me, but when I actually commit to checking up as far as I am strong and instead find fifteen fonts, nine colors and three links to phishing websites…it sort of bursts my bubble when I come away from the message weaker rather than stronger.

I’m sure you understand…and empathize with my situation, and will take all of the necessary steps to prevent any spam emails from reaching me in the future.

You must be The Real Man with huge dignity,
Snarkwife