Oh…if you’re wondering what I thought about last night’s American Idol, all you have to do is read my post from last season’s premiere and replace “Minniesohta” with “Philliedelphia” and “Navy intelligence analyst” with “Freak in a mankini top who got his chest waxed on national TV.”

We flipped channels about halfway in, although we’ll watch tonight so we can make fun of everyone in Dallas. We like doing that.