Appetizer

Who was the last person you hugged?

Capt. UberHusband. 99% of the time, he’s the “last person I…whatevered.” Exceptions include, “Who was the last person you called, ‘Mom’?” That would be…my mom.

Soup

Share a beauty or grooming trick or tip with us.

Get your dogs groomed every five weeks because at six weeks, they’re generally shaggy and out of control. Oh wait, was this supposed to be a personal grooming tip?

Salad

What does the color yellow make you think of?

Mustard

Main Course

If you were to make your living as a photographer, what subject would your pictures revolve around?

Doggies…or Hawaiian sunsets

Dessert

What was the longest book you ever read?

My constitutitional law book at UCSB. We used it for three terms, and it was about a bazillion pages long.

Sorry kids…no Thursday Thirteen this week and as I’m sure you’ve noticed, incredibly limited blogging as well.

It’s just been one of those semesters. Between school and work and doctors and physical therapy and putting our house back together after the Great Water Leak of 2008…I’m just plum tuckered out. The good news is, my new physical therapist gave me some additional exercises today. For one of them…once I’m able to do it 10 times without falling over, I’m allowed to get on the treadmill for 15 minutes.

Kinda sad how excited I got when I heard that. Now that I think about it though, I don’t think she actually gave me the go-ahead to walk on the treadmill. Maybe I just stand there, you know, to get the feel of it again.

I do have one other goal, though…to blog about Lost in the morning. That’s my one bright, shining start of Thursday…Lost. Ahhhhh…

While I’m here…today’s Dictionary of Corporate BS entry:

colleague:

Fancy way of saying “someone I work with”; usually implies a person sharing the same rung of the corporate ladder with the person employing the term, because otherwise the speaker would just say “my supervisor” or “my assistant”; a little too formal for the typical 9-to-5er pull off; therefore, essentially, only erudite professors and Nobel Prize winners should use this term.

cold shoulder:

The blatant, punitive, and often unfathomable disregard shown by a previously friendly and affable boss or colleague; may inspire the feeling that you are “in trouble” — and in eighth grade.

Courtesy of the Dictionary of Corporate Bullshit page-a-day calendar…

Considering a guy in our Florida office has been sending emails to the “office@” email address for the last week or so, letting all of us know the coffee is ready…today’s calendar entry is pretty timely.

However, these emails provide no benefit whatsoever to those of us not in Florida, although one of my Texas colleagues recommended I send out my own mass email telling everyone the coffee was ready at my office, too.

Sadly, I suspect the humor and sarcasm would be lost on those Sunshine Staters.

coffee:

A bitter, often tepid, and sometimes disgusting beverage that often serves, if unconsumed, as a scapegoat for people who say really stupid things prior to 10 AM.

Courtesy of the Dictionary of Corporate Bullshit page-a-day calendar…

You know…the Sarah Silverman song was better IMO, but this one had better cameo appearances!

I read them, roll my eyes, and think, “Oh yeah. Totally.”

sense of urgency:

Feeling of panic that may or may not be legitimate, as many employees will affect a harried demeanor to give the impression that they are working hard; often contributes to increased inefficiency and additional mistakes born out of an atmosphere of chaos.

Courtesy of the Dictionary of Corporate Bullshit page-a-day calendar…

self-starter:

Someone who is deemed to need no supervision, guidance, external motivation, or training in order to do the job and is brought into an irrevocably damaged situation and will vainly attempt to fix it; a gung-ho person who it is great fun for crusty vets to watch as he or she slowly self-destructs.

Courtesy of the Dictionary of Corporate Bullshit page-a-day calendar…

Because even when I go in with him on the weekend to pick something up (which is like, twice a year)…even though there isn’t a soul there, the guy still makes me fill out the visitors form. Really?

security guard:

Wanna-be cops who take their jobs way too seriously and won’t let you in the building without your ID even though they see you every day; after 9/11, these individuals became increasingly fascist and they are not even subject to flirtation or assertion of one’s status, but will still give superhot chicks a pass.

Courtesy of the Dictionary of Corporate Bullshit page-a-day calendar…

Friday Afternoon

Originally uploaded by snarkwife

Must be nice, huh?

According to my handy-dandy countdown calendar over there in the right sidebar, I am now officially 50% done with the Spring semester!

I still have quite a bit of work ahead of me, but it’s nice to be on the downslope.

Holy crap! At the end of Lost last night, were you asking the same question I was…?

(more…)

For all those days you hate your job…at least you don’t work where this poor guy did. Methinks they needed to fire the manager, and not the employee.

Great segue into today’s Dictionary of Corporate BS word o’ the day, though…!

noncompete clause:

The part of a contract that prevents disemployed (in most cases) high-level execs from working for the competition for a stipulated length of time; its message can be summed up as “We don’t find you useful anymore, but don’t go trying to make yourself feel better by finding someone at our competition who does. Do us a favor and be professionally paralyzed/feel bad about yourself for a few months. Thanks!”

Thirteen of the Most Annoying TV Characters Ever

• Rosalind Shays - L.A. Law: I loved this show in high school and college even though, in retrospect, it was probably way too adult for me. There’s a reason everyone in American cheered when she fell down that elevator shaft!
• Oliver Trask - The O.C.: Up until this point, the award for “Most Annoying Oliver” went to Cousin Oliver on The Brady Bunch. I still never quite understood why the producers of one of my favorite shows ever decided to go there with Oliver and Olivehis (hee) stupid neuroses and pathological lies.
• Ray Romano - Everybody Loves Raymond: I’m not sure which was the better scene on this show…Romano’s arm getting cut off (and Neela’s reaction) by the helicopter, or the helicopter falling out of the sky and squishing him. Oh wait, wrong Romano. Well, could still work for both.
• Carlton Banks - The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air: Maybe it was the dancing. Maybe it was his oddly-shapen body. Maybe it was because this show was on when I was in college, when I was just annoyed in general.
• Lyla Garrity - Friday Night Lights: I loved Lyla the first season of FNL, but can’t stand her now. It is unclear to me why the producers decided to take her all Jesus-freak and high-and-mighty this season, but she’s just dull as dirt. When the tent revival she has sold her soul to packs up and leaves town, she could go with ‘em and I wouldn’t mind a bit, Itellyouwhut.
• Rhonda Volmer - Big Love: Ohhhhhhh this girl drives me completely insane! She’s troubled! She’s psychotic! She’s a child of the Lord! She’s a narcissist! She deserves whatever she gets!
• Harriet Hayes - Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip: Take the Lyla Garrity argument, and flip it. I didn’t like Harriet’s character because I felt like Aaron Sorkin kept beating me over the head with the idea that Christians can be witty and funny and…gasp…tolerant! And then…Harriet had to talk about it…every flipping episode. Um, really? Then, as soon as Sorkin et. al. realized that wasn’t working for them and started to make Harriet more normal, Jordan had her baby and the show was cancelled. Sigh.
• Matt Fielding - Melrose Place: There’s a reason poor Doug Savant is still referred to as “Big Gay Matt” - ten years after Melrose Place ended. Melrose Place premiered back in the day when it was considered edgy to have a gay character on TV. The problem was, this was the wrong kind of gay. Matt was the kind of gay who couldn’t handle a steady relationship of his own, because he was too busy trying to marry and get green cards for Russian immigrants and their cute daughters. And of course, Matt was a social worker. Really? That’s all they had?
• Kelly Taylor - Beverly Hills, 90210: Rape victim (date and stranger), drug addict, cult member, shooting target, diet pill-popper, sexual harrassee, amnesiac, successful boutique owner and cute Alpha girl! You name it, it happened to her. I think the only thing someone didn’t do to Kelly was strap her to a circle, spin her around and throw knives at her. Then again, I think Dylan may have done that during one of his weird benders toward the end.
• Serena Southerlyn - Law & Order: {heavy sigh} Yes Serena, they fired you because you’re a lesbian.
• Merle “The Pearl” Stockwell - Eight is Enough: Yeah, this is a bit old school - but for a show I absolutely loved, I couldn’t stand Merle. Maybe it was because Sacramento didn’t really have a major league baseball team, and I just didn’t buy that he drove to San Francisco or Oakland for games. I didn’t get what Susan saw in him, and thought he was an idiot for agreeing to that silly double wedding with Steve and Janet.
• George Williams - Desperate Housewives: You have to admit…if you were Bree you would have just sat there and watched him die, too.

Most of the sales folks I’ve come into contact with are the exact opposite - they’re whiny belly-achers who can’t handle adversity…well, internally, that is. Who knows…they might have the cajones of gorillas when they leave the building.

sales:

The department that ultimately pays your salary, and therefore the one it’s in your best interest to make happy, consisting of people who, like stand-up comedians, have a very high tolerance for rejection and, unlike basically everyone else in the workforce, actually thrive on it.

Courtesy of the Dictionary of Corporate Bullshit page-a-day calendar…

Except…there’s generally no fanfare, and I find out about it when I’m blind-copied on an unrelated email that makes vague mention of it. And, I can’t inquire further at that point because, well, I was blind-copied on the email.

roll out:

To introduce a new product or service to the public with much fanfare through costly advertising and marketing campaigns in a desperate attempt to generate sales and press, which, should it go poorly, will be blamed by management on innocent employees whom they will then fire.

Courtesy of the Dictionary of Corporate Bullshit page-a-day calendar…

• Job Interview Tip: Don’t Suggest a Salary First
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• Handbrake 0.9.2 now out & Leopard-only - The Unofficial Apple Weblog (TUAW)
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The 30-Day Sex Challenge

Do you just keeping doing it until you’ve been together for thirty consecutive days?

Seriously…it’s not that silly of a question.

This is an actual email thread between my debate teammates…guess which one I am!

On Feb 18, 2008 3:50 PM, Student #1 wrote:

Looks like we have 4 points to refute this week.

Some of these are going to be hard to disprove. Shall we just split them up & each post individually sometime before end of day tomorrow? The first two are sort of the same, so I think that can be lumped in as one. #3 seems hardest & 4 seems easiest, but I will take any of them - let me know how you want to divide.

On Feb 18, 2008 5:00 PM, Student #2 wrote:

I’ll take #3 - it actually doesn’t seem too bad if you look at it in context to the actual debate resolution, which states the cameras would be used in a systematic random sampling schedule. Their argument assumes you’d be able to pull up a video for anyone, at any time, in any situation. That’s not quite how it would be working.

I’ll have my rebuttal up by tomorrow night.

On Feb 18, 2008 7:21 PM, Student #3 wrote:

I will take which ever one is left over. I really do not have a preference.

On Feb 18, 2008 8:37 PM, Student #1 wrote:

ok, i’ll take 1 & 2, i guess.

On Feb 18, 2008 10:29 PM, Student #3 wrote:

I’ll have #4 up tonight then.

I honestly have to say, I think women like my teammates are responsible for the so-called “glass ceiling.” Who wants someone in charge who can’t make a freaking decision on which stupid debate point they want to rebut? The hilarious thing? The one I picked wound up being the easiest to pick apart.

I had a job like this once…back in college, when you’re too dumb and naive to understand what’s going on…LOL.

get a temp:

The quick solution to tackling the overwhelming backlog that’s the direct result of staffers wisely avoiding the most menial and boring aspects of their jobs until it finally becomes so bad the only way to get it done is to pay an outsider to come in and deal with it.

Alrighty…here’s the latest on my muscle sprain, bursitis, possible pinched nerve - I do, in fact, have a pinched nerve…or a series of them…as confirmed by the MRI I had last week. Funny thing…my only real experiences with an MRI have centered around Grey’s Anatomy. Generally in those cases, some poor soul would end up with McDreamy digging around in his or her brain.

Anyway, the nerves in play are at the base of my spine, where they branch out to the legs. I have a slightly somethingorothered (don’t remember the exact word) disc which is putting pressure on them. That is what is causing my leg pain and after five weeks of physical therapy, pain in my hip and lower back.

Bottom line…I have hit the limit of Dr. Morgan’s expertise and have been escalated up the chain to a Dr. Chambers who specializes in rehabilitative medicine…or something like that. I go in to see him tomorrow, MRI films in hand, to figure out where to go from here. The good news is, we seem to have figured out what the problem is. The bad news is, now people are starting to use words like “spinal” and “injection” but all I hear is, “It’s going to get worse before it gets better” and “20% copay.”

Regardless…I have to get this taken care of. I’m starting to gain weight because my mobility is so limited. And, I can’t have my mom moving around better than me when CU and I take her to Chicago for her 60th birthday next month. That would just be too humiliating.

ReadLarryPowell.com: A holiday report…

Since my old theme was beginning to give me a headache (Too! Many! Bright! Colors!) and I switched over to this kindler, gentler theme…I realized I missed posting my daily Dictionary of Corporate Bullshit calendar page. Plus, I received some email confirmation that someone other than me thought they were funny (heh).

If you ever want to see the archives, I’m also adding a category. So, enjoy!

Without further ado, I’ll catch you up on a couple from the last week I didn’t post…plus today’s.

Employee Assistance Program (EAP)

A company-sponsored support program reached from the comfort of your office or cube through an 800 number in order to access a trained counselor to bring you back from the brink of despair; short-term company financed-counseling that doesn’t really cut it when you’re feeling like you might have wasted your life in a soul-crushing company; however, will also help you adopt a pet.

glass ceiling

The concept that women or minorities in the workplace are unable to achieve high-ranking positions due to unacknowledged discrimination, which, despite recent lip service in our progressive age, is still pretty much true; the reason why women who do manage to rise to positions of considerable authority are more likely to be found in “female-friendly” disciplines, such as Human Resources, Marketing, and PR; those who make repeated efforts to break the glass ceiling may become women who behave like men.

I remember hitting this ceiling eight years ago. Even though I was clearly qualified and I was the only one who actually wanted the job, The Powers That Be (which included a woman who behaved like a man) passed me over for a programmer who didn’t want the job. Hitting that ceiling with the velocity at which I did knocked some sense into me. I saw the writing on the wall, and left the company within a month.

antidepressant

Medication that allows employees to continue to function in jobs that, until recently, caused crying jags and suicidal ideation and homicidal fantasies directed at multiple colleagues and bosses.

The Street: “Mac Owners Are Snobs” - The Unofficial Apple Weblog (TUAW)

I am not a snob. I may be highly enthusiastic, but I also still have a PC in the home office, so that keeps me grounded.

In other news, “Snarkwife: Heidi Klum is a snob.”

Other than Capt. UberHusband’s year in Iraq, I believe there have only been two Sundays in the seven years we’ve been married (and probably the year and a half we dated before that) when I woke up by myself on a Sunday morning. Actually, I take that back. Last year when he went to Paris, he left on Sunday and came back on Friday. So, this would be the only non-deployment Sunday.

CU travels a lot for work now, so it isn’t entirely odd if the alarm goes off at 6 during the week and he’s not here. Weekends though…weekends are a whole different thing. It gets kind of lonely, even if I have already talked to him twice today and exchanged a dozen text messages…LOL.

(more…)

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• Quickorder app would keep iPod touch owners hooked on Starbucks - Engadget
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ReadLarryPowell.com: Weekend updates, challenges…

• Jimmy Kimmel Preps Revenge Song for Sarah Silverman – with Ben Affleck? - Couples, Ben Affleck, Jimmy Kimmel, Sarah Silverman : People.com
• It’s Friday: time to think about YOUR Happiness Project. This week: Invent a tradition. Like a holiday breakfast.

ReadLarryPowell.com: Puppies, dog ears, fluffy cat, etc.

As you all know, I’m a complete dog nut…and I read ReadLarryPowell.com (say that three times fast) religiously, and sit here with a lump in my throat and a pit-feeling in my stomach that I can’t take every one of the animals featured in this blog and bring them to our wonderful doggie home.

But, what I have decided to do is cross-post Mr. Powell’s posts since many people in the DFW area aren’t aware of his blog or his never-ending pursuits.

So…be on the lookout. And if you can, give a homeless pet a home. They really do appreciate it.

Now that my environmental analysis on the hotel industry has been uploaded and officially “delivered” to my Strategic Marketing professor, I can take a bit of a break and reflect on Lost last night. As an unintentional tie-in, the title of last night’s ep, “The Economist,” really threw me for a loop because my Strategic Marketing midterm this week includes questions regarding several articles we’ve read and discussed from…wait for it…The Economist. It’s like no matter how hard I try, I just can’t get away from school - not even for an hour.

(more…)

I don’t have to deal with today’s Dictionary of Corporate Bullshit entry:

Girl Scout cookies:

Small, sweet biscuits sold to raise funds for the Girl Scouts of America that you will have no choice but to buy, because the kids of someone you’re sucking up to are selling them; reliable springtime source of empty calories and unwanted expense, in the form of Thin Mints, Trefoils, and Samoas; at least one person will go really overboard with the ass kissing and buy a dozen boxes. (Bosses who do not push these will sell some other item, such as wrapping paper, candles, etc., on behalf of their spawn.)

Now see, people who eventually work for me won’t ever have to worry about this because, well, I have no spawn…which brings up an interesting idea: what if I hold my own fundraisers? I can sell Dollar Store wrapping paper for three times the cost, all to benefit my need to buy prime beef instead of choice beef at Central Market.

• Not a “people person?” Get an iPhone - The Unofficial Apple Weblog (TUAW)
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• Free download of Suze Orman’s Women & Money | Wise Bread
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• Nope, no AT&T iPhone tethering plan (yet) - Engadget
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• iChat Pro makes iChat look like Adium - The Unofficial Apple Weblog (TUAW)
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• Strike-torn TV networks ramp up returning shows | Reuters
  (tags: tv television)

The New York Post has a list of TV pairs which have the “best on-screen chemistry.” If I may make another list…let me add to it…

• Matt Saracen & Landry Clarke on Friday Night Lights - Swear to God, my TV set catches on fire when those two share a scene together.
• Miss Piggy & Kermit the Frog - Nothing says “smoldering” like delivering a swift karate chop to your beloved’s midsection.
• Michael Scott and Toby the HR Guy on The Office - Come on, we all know that when a guy says he hates you, what he really means is that he loves you with all the strength of his loins.
• Drama and Turtle on Entourage - See my comment on Saracen & Landry above.
• Len & Bruno on Dancing with the Stars - Hmmm…I’m sensing a trend here…
• Suze Orman and that guy who reads the emails to her on The Suze Orman Show - Okay, I’m kidding with this last one. Suze tries really hard, bless her heart, to have chemistry with the guy…but it just ain’t working. You’d think I’d remember his name, since I watch the show ever week (Roth IRA good! Annuity bad!).

What excruciatingly unbelievably luck that today is Valentine’s Day…because now I get to list out:

Thirteen Love Songs Which Make Me Want to Poke Knives Into My Eyes

Sure, I could go all oogly-googly and tell you about the love songs I like…but where’s the fun in that? You all know that you have a similar list somewhere in your head…

• “When I’m With You” - Sheriff: This song was very popular my senior year of high school. I remember my boyfriend at the time liked it, and I believe this is the first song which made me want to poke knives into my eyes. Momentous!
• “Amazed” - Lonestar: I really didn’t have that much of a problem with this song until every freaking chick on my 2001 Weddings board at iVillage (yeah, yeah…I know…) declared it to be her First Dance song. I couldn’t get away from it. After that, my goal was to find the song least likely to be played at anyone else’s wedding for our first dance.
• “Afternoon Delight” - Starlight Vocal Band: Seriously? A song about a nooner?
• “Look Away” - Chicago: Ladies, take note: if a man ever says these sorts of things to you, run away…baby, run away. I think it’s this sort of male mentality 20 years ago which yielded all the girly-boys being raised in America today.
• “On Bended Knee” - Boyz II Men: Again, don’t beg. I don’t care if you don’t want Lisa Turtle to leave you…don’t beg.
• “Saving All My Love For You” - Whitney Houston: The video for this song was great, as La Whitney - in all her early 20’s glorious goddessness - saved all her love for a married man. Ugh.
• “Roni” - Bobby Brown: Still don’t get this one. If anyone wants to explain the truth about Roni to me, I’m all ears. The ears will likely be covered with my hands, but I’m all ears.
• “Let’s Wait Awhile” - Janet Jackson: Let’s not. Face it, teenage premarital sex is a rite of passage. Besides, if you wait, you won’t have any good stories to reminisce about when you’re 36.
• “Strong Enough” - Sheryl Crow: Any song which begins, “God, I feel like Hell tonight” is sure to be a winner.
• “Picture” - Sheryl Crow & Kid Rock: Ironically, this one begins, “Living my life in a slow hell.” With all the cheatin’ and the druggin’ and the drinkin’…I oddly feel as though I should be rooting for this couple, since if I do, maybe they’ll be on Wife Swap next season.
• “My, My, My” - Johnny Gill: Er, I think this was a love song.
• “Criminal” - Fiona Apple: She’s been careless with a delicate man - no doubt, a man who listened to a lot of Chicago when he was a teenager.
• “I Don’t Wanna Cry” - Mariah Carey: I do.

I purposefully left out some all-time cheesy love songs, because…ahem…I like them.

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Traffic: Track Commuting Delays via Twitter with Commuter Feed

So I’m reading this article and at first I think, “What a great way to use Twitter!” because I’m slowly but surely transforming into a total social media marketing nerd.

And then, I thought a bit more…

• If you’re using Twitter while driving, you’re an idiot. Not only are you an idiot, you’re a dangerous idiot who is probably about four seconds away from causing a wreck.
• Although, it’s a good thing you have Twitter so you can tell everyone at the moment of impact.
• Are actual commuters going to use this or is the feed going to be hijacked by people like me and her, mocking unsuspecting drivers with cackles like, “HAHA! Sucks to be you! Enjoy having to leave the house at 6 to be to work by 8!”
• “0 incidents posted” in Baghdad. Really?

Oh…and the writers strike is over! You would think this would be good news, but now when am I supposed to get my schoolwork done?

Exclusive: Lost Boss Reveals Revised Season 4 Plan - Ausiello Report | TVGuide.com

YAY! More Lost is on the way! That’s not on tonight, is it? No…today’s Wednesday…right? I swear, this semester is killing me. I have no idea what day it is, and its made worse by the fact that I don’t have any TV shows to use as my compass: “Has Grey’s Anatomy been on yet this week? Okay, then it’s not Thursday yet.”

American Idol was on last night, and that’s how I knew it was Tuesday. Or wait…was it Wednesday? We made a decisive decision (like that?) to skip all of the audition shows and go straight to Hollywooooooooood (yo, dawg) and boy, am I glad we did. I am pleased that musical styles such as those showcased with guys such as AJ, EJ, and RJ have gone the way of the dodo bird, only to be replaced by young James Blunt-types who play keyboards and a conspicuous absence of African American Women With Big Voices. I’m so over that…seriously. I think this season is shaping up to be pretty good although…come on…don’t sing “Light My Fire” and then crap out on the big finale.

From The Dictionary of Corporate Bullshit Page-a-Day calendar…

Gen X/Gen Y Interface

The workplace dynamic between employees who are members of Generation X and their Generation Y colleages; oil and water mix better; Gen Xers think the Yers are annoyingly ambitious, entitled spoiled brats; Gen Yers think Xers are bitter, washed-up buzz killers who are just trying to keep the Gen Y down.

Funny thing…I remember having the same struggle with Baby Boomers fifteen years ago…now they’re bitter, washed-up, retired buzz killers.

Lifted from her…

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• Sacroiliac Joint Dysfunction
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• Stamp price rises to 42 cents in May - UPI.com

Dolly Parton Postpones U.S. Tour Due To Back Injury

In related news…as a bit of an update, what My Awesome Doctor originally thought was bursitis is now suspected to be either a SI joint injury, or a pinched nerve in my spine. My lumbar MRI scheduled tomorrow afternoon should confirm or deny some other things, too.

I’m trying to figure out how to work the word “leak” into my back/hip issues…leaky water pipe, leaky sprinkler system, leaky power steering pump…leaky…spinal fluid?

Oh how I wish I could blame my back problems on too-big boobs. Seriously.

But, it ain’t all bad here at Casa de Snark…our leaky pipe has been capped off and a new one rerouted up through the attic, and we found tile for the kitchen floor this weekend! We also listened to a total dork (even in a post-Seth Cohen world, this guy was nerd with a capital N) yesterday at Steak ‘n Shake talk to some chick named Dorothy on his cell phone for about fifteen minutes IN A REALLY LOUD VOICE about how she needed to go to the doctor since she’s been sick for so long. Honestly…he repeated something resembling that phrase about thirty times during the course of the conversation.

Cohen then went on to tell her that if her a-hole of a father wouldn’t take her to the doctor (quote, endquote), if she could just wait until the end of the month he’d “front” her a hundred bucks to go to the doctor. I said to CU, “What, does she have rickets or something?” Cohen then said he’d write her a check. Heh. Sound like a Judge Judy episode waiting to happen?

But wait, there’s more! Over at the table behind CU, I saw…I guess he could best be described as an Indian McLovin, pull out a pristinely wrapped Trojan condom from his wallet, show his friend and then put it back into the wallet. I was dying. First off, who does that? Secondly, I was trying to figure out if the condom was for use with his lunch companion or some unsuspecting female high school sophomore. As if that weren’t enough, our server…Daunte…kicked off our meal by just walking up to our table and standing there, looking at us. Didn’t ask us if we wanted something to drink, or if we were ready to order, he just…stood there. It was like two animals, staring each other down. Whoever speaks first, loses.

I did not lose.

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Hi everyone. This is Daisy, text-blogging from the iPawPhone. I just wanted to let you know that today, I became famous! Momma sent a picture of me sleeping to Larry Powell for his “Let Sleeping Dogs Lie and Napping Cats Nap” series, and he picked me for this weekend! I am still not sure how she got that picture.

Of course, now that the writer’s strike is almost over…I can go back to being awake for the next nine years.

Cookie’s really cranky that I got onto the Internets before her.

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Okay…before I begin to busy myself with work, end-of-the-week school chaos, and the brain-jarring jackhammering of our friendly neighborhood plumber (plumber #2, since plumber #1 called in sick for our appointment this morning) - let’s talk about Lost.

I think last night’s episode wouldn’t bug me so much if I didn’t already know we were only getting half a season of episodes. If I knew we had sixteen coming instead of eight, the fact that we’ve had precious little forward movement in two episodes wouldn’t bug me…but I don’t, so it does.

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The blessing part? Being here to notice, early on, a leak from…somewhere…as water starts flowing from “somewhere around the water heater” out into the garage, then also underneath the kitchen, pantry and laundry room floors.

The curse part? Well, pretty much everything I just said.

You know, I thought I still heard water running when I got out of the shower this morning, but didn’t really think much about it.

We were talking about how it was time to pull out the wood laminate in the pantry and kitchen…but the decision was supposed to be on our timeline. Plus, did you ever notice that a 1% deductible on your homeowners insurance always seems like a good idea until you actually need to file a claim?

Ugh. The plumber will be here between noon and 2. I’m bracing myself for the worst.

3:40 PM Update - The current cost is at $2,789 and climbing! The good news…we’ve already hit our deductible!

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Or rather, I would have if Texas were good enough for those cliquey Super Tuesdayers.

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You know, I remember a time when I used to look forward to weekends, because I didn’t (for the most part, usually) have to do any work. Sure I had housework…cleaning, laundry, home improvement, etc. - but that kind of thing can actually be fun because no one is judging your performance. Even just as recently as two years ago, when CU was in Iraq…I’d get up on Saturday mornings and read the paper, drink some coffee, do some laundry…and that was it. If I wanted to go to Michael’s or the mall or just sit around and watch dumb shows on TV, I could…with no guilt. Because, I didn’t have any other responsibilities. Those were good times.

Now though…with school…it’s like my free time has begun to cackle at me: “Adios, Snarkwife…try not to lose your mind over the next two years. And oh by the way, good luck trying to enjoy your weekends. I know you used to enjoy going off and doing fun things with Capt. So-Called-UberHusband, but those days are over, at least temporarily.”

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As I flipped the calendar over from January to February yesterday, I remembered I had forgotten a very important anniversary event.

Ten years and five days ago, I moved to Texas from California. I can’t even believe it’s been that long…to think when I moved here I was 26, bright-eyed and bushy tailed, with a 1-year old jet black toy poodle and a ‘96 Honda Civic in tow.

Back then, I was traveling quite a bit for work. Back in another life, I did corporate training for our sales compensation program and got to travel to hopping places like Kingman, Arizona…Cookeville, Tennessee…and Johnstown, New York. Exciting, no?

So, imagine my wistful chuckling when I read today’s word ‘o the day…

Business Trip: Travel mandated by the need to attend to company-related matters that’s really, really cool the first two times, but thereafter is a pain in the ass requiring you to leave the comfort of your life, work weekends you aren’t paid for, eat and drink with people you find annoying or even distasteful, and enter into the world of the dreade