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it’s not brain surgery/rocket science:

Tired and obvious statement used to convey the simple nature of a task that is in reality daunting; can be employed to intentionally mislead someone, like a new trainee, who is being given a near-impossible task that many who have gone before have failed to accomplish.

Courtesy of the Dictionary of Corporate Bullshit page-a-day calendar…

Previous seasons of American Idol have taught me to go into “big name theme nights” with a healthy does of skepticism because generally, our contestants mangle, maim and generally ruin classic songs sung and/or written by classic performers and/or songwriters.

So that, combined with the “No pressure, kids” vibe which comes standard with the Lennon/McCartney songbook made me more than a bit jittery last night. Jittery as in, “I’m going to hold my hands over my ears and remove them at 2-second intervals in case everyone sucks.” I was afraid my worst fears would be realized when Syesha came out and sang a classic Earth, Wind and Fire song. Hey! I thought they were supposed to sing Lennon/McCartney songs…? Heh.

Then…oh my God…Chikezie? Where did he come from? I was really afraid we were going to have to endure some meta-Ruben Studdard offering or at the very least, a Luther Vandross-y rendition of “Yesterday.” Wow. My jaw dropped when he had the foresight and originality to change up the beginning of “She’s a Woman” but then he actually changed up the middle and the end, too! He danced! He entertained! He was so good I made CU watch his performance when he got home from the airport! I hope he can keep it up, because if this is the new Chikezie…count me in as a fan.

Other greats last night - Carly “I sing this song every weekend with the band” Smithson, David “Don’t call me Daughtry” Cook, and…yes…Brooke White. I love her, bare feet and all. What was up with the warning tones Randy and Simon were tossing Ryan’s direction with the shoes? Was that some sort of stupid insinuation that Ryan likes women’s shoes? Again, their inside-joke shtick is bugging the crap out of me. However, I suppose I would rather hear that than Paula’s unoriginal paraphrasing of Randy’s comments coming out of her mouth as her own, generally prefaced by “You look great tonight” for posterity. Ugh.

Pizza Bistro Boy. Yeah, I don’t even remember his name. David? Danny? He goes to school, has annoying college pictures taken of him and his dork friends, and recently lost his job at “Pizza Bistro.” Mmm hmm. And the song…ugh. I told CU that it would be tough for anyone to sing “I Saw Her Standing There” to which he replied, “David Cook could.” Touché.

Oh…I almost forgot about Kristy Lee Cook. Someone took Simon’s praise last week and ran, ran, ran with it! Her rendition of “Eight Days a Week - Country Style, with Biskits ‘n Eggs!” wouldn’t have been so bad had she not been so flat and boring. I’ll completely skip over David Archuleta’s performance because I love him…and you can’t fault the kid for not being hep to songs from the 60s. He’s seventeen. Then again, forgetting the words is a pretty unforgivable sin.

I never went the intern route…I actually had to make money to pay my bills…but I had a couple of college roommates who were fortunate enough to be able to take unpaid jobs which at least sort-of related to their career aspirations. But hey, at least I developed some kick-ass data entry skills.

intern:

A person, most often of college age, who works for no or low wages and who is referred to by hardened staffers as a “slave” and subject to humiliation and lascivious comments by said staffers; instantly identifiable by their palpable and oppressively inappropriate excitement regarding any task; a grim reminder of you in your youth, when you had hope, energy, promise, and a physique reasonably attractive to potential suitors.

Courtesy of the Dictionary of Corporate Bullshit page-a-day calendar…

invisible:

The condition of being unable to be seen; what you become when someone you know is around you but does not want to be associated with you, usually because he or she is kissing the ass of someone more important nearby; also, a mutual invisibility that occurs when two parties make an unspoken agreement to not see each other, such as when you still run into someone you briefly dealt with three years before and neither of you can muster the energy to say hi to each other anymore.

Courtesy of the Dictionary of Corporate Bullshit page-a-day calendar…

So it seems rather odd to say this in light of having snow on the ground four out of five days this week (Texas is so odd…we get snow in March)…but Daylight Saving Time begins this weekend.

I’m a big fan of Daylight Saving Time because it generally keeps me from putting on my pajamas at 5:15 in the afternoon, but the downside of kicking over to it this early is it will be dark outside until about 8:30 in the morning. I’m not nuts about that.

Nevertheless, don’t forget to change your clocks this weekend if you’re like CU and me, who bought one of those slick “auto-change” clock radios a year before the Daylight Saving Time dates changed and still have to manually do it anyway.

That actually brings up an interesting question. Inevitably, there’s one clock in our collective lives which doesn’t get changed for about a month, if even then. For us, it’s the wall clock in the dining room. Shows you how much we use that room, doesn’t it? It usually also takes me about a week to remember to change the clock in the Jeep. I’ll remember to do it this weekend though, because I also have to change out the registration sticker.

What about you? Which clock never seems to get updated?

For the record, even though CU left work early yesterday (snowflakes! big snowflakes!)…he did go in on time today.

commute:

The journey to and from work, which, sadly, may be the best part of your day because you don’t have to deal with your coworkers; may also be an extremely excruciating experience because you must sit in your car for an hour in traffic, stand next to a foul-smelling person on public transportation, or carpool with people you hate; at the slightest indication of inclement weather, employees who travel from the suburbs, no matter how close, will use their commute as an excuse to not come in, to work from home, or to leave early.

Courtesy of the Dictionary of Corporate Bullshit page-a-day calendar…

Yeah, so when the tile guys finished busting up all the old tile around the fireplace and pulled out the sheet rock and the wood backing…guess what we found?

Two styrofoam cups…left over from someone’s lunch…14 years ago. They were just sitting there on top of the fireplace insert…stacked nicely.

Can’t wait to see what we find when we bust up the master bathroom. I’m thinking maybe an invitation to Michael Jackson and Lisa Marie Presley’s wedding…or…an old picture of Helen Keller…or…IBM stock. Nah, that kind of thing only happens on Flip That House…and there’s usually a rabid family of rats guarding the stock.

Like that? I came up with it last night when I was watching American Idol and telling Capt. UberHusband I thought Faith Hill would be a great choice to cover Journey’s “Faithfully” as a country song.

Speaking of American Idol…how completely annoying were Randy, Paula and Simon last night? I’m all for the frolicky banter between the three of them, but when the camera cuts to Paula almost looking like she’s passing out on Simon’s shoulder…and the three of them bicker…God, it was so annoying. I felt really bad for the ladies last night.

Loved, loved, loved Brooke White’s rendition of “Love is a Battlefield” and, after the whole “Faith-Hilly” thing I was sort of on a roll…recommending Rascal Flatts update the Pat Benatar classic. Who else did I have opinions about…Carly Smithson. Love her accent, loved the song…wasn’t nuts about her rendition. I kind of feel like the AI folks are shoving her down my throat. Same with Syesha Mercado (Capt. UberHusband last night: “She does know she’s singing about being the other woman, right?”) - I’m not nuts about her. Eh.

So for snits and giggles last night, we decided to stick around on Fox and watch The Moment of Truth, especially after the world (apparently) came to an end last week. What a let-down. The questions were so incredibly stupid. Maybe it’s because I’m not $500k in debt and don’t need to go on the show, but come on. CU and I were making up our own questions for the show:

“I think reality shows are incredibly stupid, and extremely exploitative.” That answer is…true.

Of course, I have to get all technical…with the question, “Have you ever been sexually attracted to someone you work with?” I follow up with…”Well, before or after my husband and I met?”

In household news, the new kitchen floor is in and the tile surrounding our fireplace is being hacked out. I was talking to one of my co-workers yesterday and telling her that I never wish for bad things to happen, but if we have to have a water leak in the slab of our house…at least let us get a new kitchen floor out of it. Now that we’re taking a look at everything though, we’ve realized our cabinets look way better…but our appliances have got to go.

Oh, it’s also starting to snow here. Second time this week.

While I have you all here…if any of ya’ll are interested in taking a survey my fine Applied Research Methods class has crafted (it’s lousy…IMO…I’ll tell you that upfront), I would appreciate if you could fill it out on my behalf. Apparently we get bonus points if we can recruit the most people. If you’ve made it this far in my post, you have to like me a little…right?

So…here’s the link. When asked at the end who sent you to the survey, I’m S. Lynch. None of your personal info is captured, and if you shoot me an email at snarkwifedotcomATgmail.com to let me know you filled it out…I’ll let you know when the results are finalized and pass them along.

Okay, that is all. Back to work.

Reason #554 why I adore Capt. UberHusband:

You know what they need? A Celebrity Deathmatch with Danny Noriega and Christian from Project Runway.

80’s Nite is just horrible on American Idol…Wham, Lionel Richie…what? No Culture Club? I’d pay a hundred bucks to see Jason Castro sing “Miss Me Blind.”

Update: Okay, it’s not that bad…I’m now loving David Cook’s post-Lionel Richie “Hello” enough to download it from iTunes. But seriously…Whamboy and Sanjaya need to go.

institutional knowledge:

Information about a company, usually gained through being there way too long; awareness of where the bodies are buried and how they got there, or the names of computer files containing essential information that may be a factor in obtaining job security.

Courtesy of the Dictionary of Corporate Bullshit page-a-day calendar…

coming along:
A casual assessment of the status of a project, designed to conceal the fact that “It hasn’t been started yet, but after this conversation I’m going back to my desk to find that file/email I’m pretty sure I tossed/deleted and try to remember what you wanted so I don’t bust myself by having to ask you about a project I’m claiming to have almost finished.”

Courtesy of the Dictionary of Corporate Bullshit page-a-day calendar…