When I used to go in for allergy shots twice a week, I used to encounter the most interesting people, with the most interesting stories.

Now that I’ve graduated to the point where I only go in once every three weeks, and Nurse Brandi is kind enough to schedule me when no one else is scheduled (being a long-time patient has its advantages), the stories have become less and less. The last time I went in, I had a “medically significant” reaction which led to a couple of rounds with the nebulizer and my doctor hovering around me like a bee. The point is…now instead of sticking around for 20 minutes after my shots, I have to stay for 30.

What this means is…more opportunity to observe weirdos, especially since it was busy there this morning. Take this woman sitting next to me…we’ll call her Susan because, that’s her name. The TV in the waiting room was on the Today show and the topic was the polygamy raid here in Texas.

Well. She was tsk-ing and making all sorts of screechy and gutteral sounds which pleaded, “Please, someone engage in conversation with me…I don’t want to just say something out loud, but I’ll make just enough noise to where someone will hopefully say something in agreement.”

Of course, I didn’t bite. She did the same thing during the story on Today about last night’s Biggest Loser finale. I wanted to close my book, turn to her, and ask if she was having a reaction to her allergy shot.

That was before I had my shot. Afterwards, I was reading my book and this woman and her little girl were sitting next to me. She got on her cell phone and IN A VERY LOUD VOICE, CALLED SOMEONE AND SIGNED HER TWO KIDS UP FOR SWIM LESSONS. YES, SAME INSTRUCTOR AS LAST YEAR. YES, WE’RE HOPING MY SON’S NOSEBLEEDS ARE MORE UNDER CONTROL THIS SEASON, TOO.

During this, CU called me…but there was no way I was going to be able to hear him over all the racket, so I let the call go to voice mail. I thought I could be punitive once she got off the phone with the swim folks, and call CU back very quickly and tell him ALL ABOUT THE NOISY HAG SITTING NEXT TO ME. But, damn if the woman didn’t make a second call…to her son’s doctor, rendering the concept of privacy and HIPAA totally useless. Who cares if your doctor and insurance company blab about your health…after all, YOU do it all the time!

The conversation went something like this: “I NEED TO TALK TO THE DOCTOR ABOUT MY SON’S NOSEBLEEDS. YES, HE IS STILL GETTING THEM EVEN WHEN I GIVE HIM THE ZYRTEC WHEN HE GOES TO BED, AND THE BLOOD IS MIXED WITH MUCUS.”

Yum. I can’t believe I have to wait three more weeks to go back!