CU and I have this routine in the morning.  The alarm goes off, we roll around and grumble a bit, scratch the dogs, and take the dogs outside.  Then, depending on who is more awake (and has more front yard-appropriate clothing on), one of us will go out and grab the paper while the other gives Cookie her morning meds.

I’ll fix a cup of coffee, then sit down to read all of the advice columns and of course, Dilbert.  CU got to the “Collin County Opinions” page in the Metro section before I did today.  Here’s the thing about the Collin County Opinions section - generally the “editorials” are written by average folk…presumably like you and me, assuming you live in Collin County and are an unappreciated stay-at-home-mom, an overworked and underpaid teacher, a self-employed “telecom executive” who was laid off during the Telecom Bust of ‘01, or a local high school student who wants to get a jump-start on his/her journalism career. 

These “opinion” pieces are supposedly also written with a decidedly “folksy” spin so that average folk…presumably like you and me, can engage in watercooler talk about how our lives are just like theirs.  We’re all in this crazy wacky life together, you know?

But.  This is what we read this morning, and then…well…I got angry.  I know, it’s tough to believe someone can get angry when they’ve only been awake for fifteen minutes, but I managed to do it.  I got angry about one-quarter of the way into the story, and then CU calmly told me to read the rest of it, so I could put it all into its proper disturbing context.  I’ll wait while you read the whole thing.  Don’t want anyone Google-ing themselves this morning to claim I took anything out of context.

Okay.  So now that you’ve read it…this “opinion” piece epitomizes everything I hate about the Permissive Parenting Philosophy that runs so rampant these days.  Apparently, it really does take a village to raise children…and everyone can go to whatever part of said village they like, and do whatever they like, without consequence.  That applies to the parents, too!

Here are the real sticking points for me:

To set the stage: It was the end of the school year. My three boys wanted to have a sleepover to celebrate summer break. 

That evening, as the last kid arrived, we totaled out at 24 boys in my home.

Yeah. That’s not already a recipe for disaster brewing.

Somewhere between consuming all the pizza and throwing grapes at one another from the fruit tray, the idea of wrapping someone’s home came up. Well, I call it wrapping; the new phrase is “TPing” for toilet papering.

My middle son and his friends were the only ones interested in “TPing” someone’s home. They wanted to go in the neighborhood alone and randomly pick a friend’s home. I did not approve of them wandering the neighborhood alone, so I told them I would take them, so that I could supervise.

I recruited my reluctant and disapproving husband to go with us. I had wrapped a few homes when I was in high school, and it was harmless fun. In fact, when I was in high school I awoke once to my home being wrapped. I was so excited to even be considered as a wrapping candidate.

Um. First off, who calls it “wrapping”? We always called it TPing. Secondly…you don’t approve of children wandering the dangerous streets alone, because you never know who they might run into…like who, other underage vandals? I don’t know how things are here, but where I grew up, people didn’t TP your house because they liked you. They TPd your house because you weren’t one of the 24 boys invited to an end-of-school sleepover. Let’s recap. Kids want to TP someone’s house. Mom says, “Sure!” and invites Dad to supervise…leaving the rest of the children at home unsupervised. Okay.

Naturally, the kids are busted for urinating on the lawn and cursing a neighbor (such well-behaved boys!)…at which point Mom sits the boys down and tells them what they did was wrong. Hey, hypocrite! Your conscience is calling! Who sat you you down and told you that you encouraged this behavior? Where were you while all of this was going on? Nice job supervising, Mom. Had you done a better job, they wouldn’t have gotten caught! {snicker}

The first thing next morning, officers were at my husband’s office. Apparently, as dawn broke, the homeowners found that some of the boys took toothpaste with them and drew inappropriate images on the windows and driveway.

So before all the boys headed home that morning, I made phone calls, talked to parents as they picked up their children, and, of course, found out who crossed the line.

I learned a lot that day. Most important, I learned that we were already cool parents. We didn’t need to risk our family’s name for the sake of trying to be cooler.

Oh. My. God. You want to know who crossed the line? You did. What those children did, it’s called vandalism. And…the most preposterous part of it all…you supervised!

The author then goes on for about six more paragraphs about moral compass and doing the right thing, and even tosses in a “What would Jesus do?” reference to placate the religious right-swinging demographic of Collin County Opinion readers. At no point though, does Mom even acknowledge that she single-handedly set this entire unfortunate chain of events in motion by ignoring the “right vs. wrong” component at several key decision points.

But hey, at least she’s a cool parent. I’m sure the owners of the house who had to clean up the mess her cool supervision masterminded are thinking the same thing right about now.