Wow…must be getting close to September because all of a sudden, I have things to write about. I’m well aware that blogging about school is mind-numbingly dull. I suppose I could start blogging about my opinion of the current political climate, but I’m truly afraid that my words would so incite the Obamaniacs that I would have to contract a security detail for Cookie & Daisy. John McCain doesn’t make my insides go all aflutter either, but long story short…eh, forget it.

Yeah so anyway, the cast of the upcoming Celebrity Apprentice 2 has been announced. From what I can see, there’s some sort of cross-promotion going on between Celebrity Apprentice and Dancing with the Stars. Heather Mills has been on both shows, and Khloe Kardashian’s sister Kim will be appearing on the decidedly more upscale DWTS. The old lady demographic is covered on both shows, with Susan Lucci, Joan Rivers, and Cloris Leachman. Tony Danza and Ted McGinley are rockin’ the Way Bitchin’ 80s contingent…and, I’m sorry…Joe Francis?

CU and I loved Celebrity Apprentice last season. Loved it. Couldn’t get enough. How many episodes in do you think we’ll get before Heather removes her leg? How many shows do you think Heather needs to be on before that joke starts getting old?

You never know when your horoscope will say something along the lines of, “Quit your job, as you will be offered your dream position tomorrow…guaranteed” or, “Buy a lottery ticket today and you will be $386 million dollars richer this time tomorrow…guaranteed.” This is why I read my horoscope every day…because you just never know.

Do I ever get that level of feedback? Oh no, here’s a sample of what my horoscope generally looks like:

You’re incredibly lucky now, if you don’t lend money to friends. You probably stopped doing that many years ago. If not, stop now.

Of course, we all know that horoscopes…much like fortune cookies…aren’t really designed to help you map out your day. Instead, they tell you things you already know such as, “Fortune cookie say eating breakfast, lunch, and dinner means you will eat in the morning, afternoon, and evening.” That sort of thing. So I’m thinking, in the same vein as today’s horoscope, what sort of wisdom could I share with you which really, you already know?

• You’re incredibly lucky now, if you don’t drink bleach out of Hard Rock Cafe shot glasses. You probably stopped doing that many years ago. If not, stop now.
• You’re incredibly lucky now, if you don’t carry a Samurai sword into an elementary school cafeteria during lunch on a Tuesday. You probably stopped doing that many years ago. If not, stop now.
• You’re incredibly lucky now, if you don’t cut your own hair with a weed eater. You probably stopped doing that many years ago. If not, stop now.
• You’re incredibly lucky now, if you don’t continue to cry over the breakup of Yang and Burke on Grey’s Anatomy. You probably stopped doing that many years ago. If not, stop now.

I mean really now, the possibilities are endless. Go on, give it a shot in the comments.

The lineup for this season’s Dancing with the Stars has been announced!

• Toni Braxton, singer, 40, and season one DWTS champ Alec Mazo
• Lance Bass, singer, 29, and Lacey Schwimmer
• Ted McGinley, actor, 50, and Inna Brayer
• Cloris Leachman, actress, 82, and Corky Ballas
• Warren Sapp, former NFL star, 35, and Kym Johnson
• Rocco DiSpirito, chef, 31, and Karina Smirnoff
• Kim Kardashian, TV personality, 27, and reigning DWTS champ Mark Ballas
• Maurice Green, Olympic gold medalist track and field star, 34, and two-time DWTS champ Cheryl Burke
• Misty May-Treanor, Olympic gold medalist beach volleyball player, 31, and Maksim Chmerkovskiy
• Susan Lucci, Emmy-award winning soap opera actress, 61, and Tony Dovolani
• Jeffrey Ross, 42, comedian, and Edyta Sliwinska
• Cody Linley, 18, actor, and two-time DWTS champ Julianne Hough
• Brooke Burke, 36, TV personality, and Derek Hough

It’s impossible for me at this point to make any true observations or predictions, although I’m looking forward to the Brooke/Derek, Rocco/Karina and MistyMax pairings. And, DWTS is just Hell-bound and determined to have someone actually die on the show. Marie Osmond passing out just didn’t cut it, I guess.

CU and I had read that there were “discussions” about whether or not to pair Lance Bass with a male partner, which was just plain stupid. We’d also planned on boycotting the entire show’s season if they played that exploitive (and ridiculous) card. Thankfully, they didn’t. Although, it would have been sort of hot to see Derek Hough in one of those itty-bitty Latin costumes.

CU and I went to see Tropic Thunder yesterday. Oh my God…so funny. I knew it was going to be great, but I had no idea just how funny it would end up being. The entire audience was laughing hysterically the whole time, and I even had a wadded-up napkin which was nearly soaked from drying my tear-soaked eyes. I did come to the realization though, that if we were to take every movie studio head and every entertainment agent and just ship ‘em over to Iraq, we’d be done with that whole business in quick form.

Robert Downey, Jr. - awesome…and I don’t throw that word around lightly. Tom Cruise…well, he’s damn funny. And yeah, his scenes are pretty filthy but if you’ve ever seen Entourage, it isn’t too far from how I suspect Ari Gold would behave if he were in charge of a studio.

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Some things just beg to be blogged. From the Dictionary of Corporate Bullshit:

frustrated: The state of being pissed off, and doing everything within one’s power not to leap across the table and throttle the human source of frustration; when used by a boss describing himself or herself to a subordinate, may mean “Are you a complete and total moron or just aggressively insolent? We’ve talked about this seven times.”

Once of my coworkers said, “I’d heard frustration defined as ‘controlling the urge to strangle the life out of someone who desperately deserves it.’ Fewer fluffy words.” To which I replied, “By the sheer definition of corporate bullshit, it must be longwinded and lacking in brevity.”

I couldn’t believe I’d pulled a big word like “brevity” out of my hat. Must be getting close to the beginning of the next semester. It’s around now that I start using words with more than one syllable.

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It’s a busy morning here at Casa de Snark. We have Professional Painters coming in today to paint all of our interior doors and trim, the ceiling, and the accent wall we painted blue right before we moved in. They’re old (the doors) and starting to discolor…and the Amateur Painters who actually live here (ahem) are too lazy to paint all seventeen of them. We have more important things to do…like design the new Snarkwife/Capt. UberHusband dual home office. Oh yeah. That’s so much fun it gave me a headache and what I thought were the beginnings of flu symptoms yesterday. But hey, it’s cheaper than the projects we keep putting off…like renovating the bathrooms.

It’s strange…I don’t think we’ve had this many people in our house since our housewarming party. Seven years ago. Obviously we don’t entertain much. Son of a gun…we’ve lived here for seven years. Well technically, our mortgage began seven years ago last week. We didn’t move in until a couple of weeks later, though. Have I ever told you that story? Oh, it’s a doozy.

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This past weekend was really weird. I had my SIE initiation on Saturday night and fortunately, waterboarding was not in the program. Apparently, it wasn’t that kind of initiation. Instead, we had a buffet and mid-priced wine…and I got to meet my arch-nemesis from my online Applied Research Methods class. This guy drove me insane. I always manage to find the second-smartest person in the class (behind me, of course) and fixate on him for twelve weeks. I say “him” because generally, it has been a guy. For someone who considers herself to not be terribly competitive, I seem to be…terribly competitive. Anyway, Arch-Nemesis and I had a good time bagging on the professor and our insane workload in the class.

Where was I going with this?
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During my RSS travels yesterday…I came upon this article, which linked to this article about the 21-day complaint free marriage experiment, which linked to the official A Complaint Free World website.

Finding these posts reminded me of my own personal journey towards complaining less. Funny, I know.  Two months after ordering my bracelet…having not yet received it, I sent an email to the fine folks at A Complaint Free World Dot Org and inquired as to my order.  I received a polite response back that, due to the mention on Oprah, the little mom-and-pop grassroots effort was so totally overwhelmed by requests that they were running about two months behind on fulfillment.  If I didn’t get my bracelet in a couple more months, I should contact them.

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