We started watching 90210: Miss Teasley, Where Are You? about twenty minutes late last night. CU and I went to dinner and honestly…I forgot it was on. But when we made it home, I flipped on the show and…it was pretty much what I expected.

As everyone already knows courtesy of the last six months of pre-season hype, the premise is the same for the most part as the original Beverly Hills, 90210: Midwestern mom & dad and dorky teenage kids (hey, they don’t look alike…?) relocate to Beverly Hills, experience a “fish out of water” transition period, and take care of Alcoholic Grandma and her broken laptop. Oh wait - that last part is different than the original and…would make a great name for a band. Not only is Grandma a drunk, but her best friend is none other than Sue Ellen Ewing! I had a tough time with Jessica Walter though, because I still can’t watch her without thinking of Lucille Bluth.

In addition to spreading his distracting handsomness to the state of California, Jim Walsh 2.0 is also a tough-but-loving father, and…he’s the new principal of West Beverly High! Dude…seriously? Have you learned nothing from the past? But, I guess it’s a good way for the CW to keep the grownups active in the plotline without needing to resort to stunts like bringing John Stamos on to try to woo Lori Loughlin, or Heather Locklear to tempt Rob Estes. Yeah, I’ve got a million 90s references…and they’re all itching to come out.

But wait, it gets better. Brenda and Kelly are back…and Kelly has a kid! So much for Kelly Taylor’s infertility…? The baby daddy is unknown at this point (CU thinks it’s Steve Sanders), but she apparently has just enough of a tumultuous relationship with him that she just hangs up when Lil’ Sammy walks in the room. What, can’t say “goodbye” anymore?

When Brenda arrives on the scene (”We really should go back to the exact same point in our friendship where we were when you left for London in season four. That would be super-cool. Squee!”), we find that her voice has gotten lower, and I guess Brandon likes to call Kelly in the middle of the night from Belize. Because you know, we all need to feel secure in the fact that none of these characters have actually moved on like the rest of us.

Oh, and there are a bunch of “teenagers” running around getting drunk, pawing at each other, flying to San Francisco for dates (backdrop much?), and talking like 30 year-olds. Yawn.

I think this interaction pretty much sums up the entire pilot:

Snarkwife: I don’t remember ever seeing Jim Walsh without his shirt on.
Capt. UberHusband: That’s because no one wanted to see Jim Walsh without his shirt on.

Indeed.