*If you’re running Firefox on a PC, I know this theme is rendering rather…fugily. If anyone knows how to fix it (CSS appears to be fine), I’d be very appreciative to know how…and for the time being, you’d be serving yourself well to view this in IE. Or, you can just switch to a Mac. Heh.*

I love the New Year. To quote the fine film Forrest Gump, “You get to start all over.”

The critical difference between this year and years past however, is that I’m looking forward to what’s to come rather than looking away from what has already happened. I seem to be happy for years to be over, yet rarely happy to see a new one come. It doesn’t sound like you can really have one with out the other, but just because you’re glad 2005 is over…that doesn’t necessarily mean you’re looking to 2006.

The good news is, I’ve got enough years under my belt to know that really…you have no idea where the upcoming year is going to take you. You could be laid off. You and your job could be relocated to another state. You could meet the man of your dreams. You could get married. You could revisit getting that advanced degree. You could watch your husband be deployed to Iraq. You could finally figure out after fifteen years, that what you need is a total career overhaul. All of these things have happened to me in the past ten years, and I had no idea each new year what I was in for. You take the bad with the good, plan for the worst but hope for the best.

On that note, I do have a few resolutions…ones that I might actually keep. We’ll see. If not, we’ll erase the board and try again.

• Launch my new blog over at stratechick.com. My new blog will be different from this one, in that it will have a more defined focus around the workplace, management, and the business world in general. It will also include personal anecdotes from my last 20 years (good God) in the workforce. Those who can’t do, teach. Those who can’t teach, blog…right?
• This is more of a correlary to the preceding resolution, but I resolve to blog every weekday. If I don’t write, I won’t become a better writer. Isn’t that after all, why I quit my job? Weekends and holidays are optional, but recommended.
• Clean out my iTunes library of all songs I immediately skip as soon as they start playing. If I don’t want to hear it, why is it just hogging up space?
• Ease up on myself during my last two semesters of school. It’s one thing to give 100% of yourself to a class or a project…but it’s just silly to give 300%.

May all of you have an adventurous upcoming year!

Imagine Wayne and Garth doing that {doodle-dee-do, doodle-dee-do} thing with their hands as we journey into alterna-reality mode…

When out on the TV there arose such a clatter,
I sprang from the couch to see what was the matter.

Away to the remote I flew like a flash,
turned up the volume, with speed and panache.

The glow on the screen of our LCD Sanyo,
gave the lustre of mid-day to objects below.

When, what to my wondering eyes should appear,
but Barry Manilow and his many teeth of veneer.

That’s right kids…Barry Manilow has a new CD out, just in time for the 2008 Christmas season! Take your kids back to a simpler time of new wave music, Growing Pains, shoulder pads and corporate greed (oh, wait…) with Barry Manilow – Greatest Songs of the 80s!

You’ll be treated to hit (?) songs by some of the decade’s preeminent musical artists such as…Dolly Parton & Kenny Rogers! Journey! Stevie Wonder! And…Christopher Cross, among many, many others!.

Buy now…quantities…well, not so limited.

And remember kids, per Sony BMG Music Entertainment’s website, “If you are under 18 years old, remember that you need your parents permission to buy online. Remember, always check with your parents before you give information online and never give out your full name, phone number or address on the internet.”

…especially if someone is trying to sell you a Barry Manilow CD.

These are tough times for America. Expenses are going up, investment values have plummeted, real income values are decreasing, and Knight Rider has yet to be cancelled. American retailers are hoping to boost both the sagging economy and their sagging corporate bottom lines by offering every possible sale, promotion, and purchasing scheme on Earth to get their hands into your wallets this holiday season.

But really, why should all the discounts come to a screeching halt December 24? Earn the discount you (or your loved ones) deserve year-around with the “Don’t Forget My Senior Discount” ball cap and/or visor. Envision the knowing smiles you (or your loved ones) will receive when asking the nice Best Buy salesperson in February for a discount on a 52″ LCD television, right before being told “No.” Imagine the chuckles of surprise you’ll hear when asking your pharmacist or primary care physician for a discount on your prescription meds and mammogram or prostate exam. You know, those aren’t experiences you can’t get with just any old hat.

Don’t have any old people to shop for this year? The “Don’t Forget My Senior Discount” ball cap and/or visor also makes a great gift for the high school or college senior in your life! Watch the cafeteria workers at your high school furrow their brows while you ask them for a discount. Wear the ball cap to your college registrar’s office and demand your tuition discount. Sport the sexy visor at the local watering hole, and see if you can get a discount on that Long Island Iced Tea.

There are no guarantees in life, which is why as a consumer you need to be vigilant and proactive in getting not only what you have earned…but deserve as a senior. Pick up your Senior Discount ball cap or visor today.

{begin finger snapping}

“When you’re a doorbuster, you’re a doorbuster all the way…from your first in-store deal to your half-off display…”

Think I’m kidding? It was downright dangerous out there yesterday, folks. Some poor WalMart employee died after being trampled by a bunch of Doorbusters. Shots were fired at a store in California between two men who were defending the honor of their doorbusting female companions.

Seriously people…WTF?

Fortunately, CU and I did not encounter anything quite that dramatic when we ventured out. But, we still found ourselves enveloped by the comforting warmth of bitchy salespeople (at 10 AM!), passive-aggressive holiday shoppers, and Macy’s patrons who should be permanently banned from using 15%-Off All Day Shopping Passes (excludes everything in the store) and/or “$10 Off Your $25 Purchase (excludes everything in the store)” coupons.

Our shopping goals yesterday were really quite elementary – I wanted to go to Michaels to pick up some yarn, and we needed to get CU a coat. That was it. We weren’t looking for a TV, a GPS system, or world peace.

We stopped first at Michaels and honestly, shopper volume was light.  We headed to the back corner to get the yarn, and got in a relatively short line. I handed the cashier my 25% Off Your Entire Purchase coupon, he scanned it and…well, the discount was only applied to one item. While he was ringing everything up, he was also bitching quite loudly to someone who was either a co-worker or his supervisor (really, you can’t tell anymore)…and then he started complaining to me. Like I give a crap about his bad day. I really don’t need to be burdened by the management issues this guy was having. I said to him, “It’s way too early to be that grumpy already.” He replied, “Who? Me or him?” “Both,” I said…sort of surprised that he thought there might be justification for a distinction. 

Back to the coupon, though. After questioning him about the final total and being admonished for even suggesting The System didn’t appropriately apply my discount, I looked at my receipt and sure enough – no discount. Now, this wouldn’t be a big deal if I was buying something for $1.99, but we’re talking about $60 worth of yarn. After I pushed a bit more, the cashier said – and I quote – “I don’t know anything about how the coupons work.” He then advised me to go over to Customer Service. Seriously? Short story long, we wound up having to return all ten skeins of yarn, process a refund, then run the purchase through again.

At Macy’s, we were 1-fer-3 on purchases…success being measured by not wanting to either stab ourselves or stab someone else.  We did manage to find CU a coat, and that line wasn’t bad.  It was long, but other than one father who was SHOUTING AT THE TOP OF HIS LUNGS TRYING TO GET HIS CHILD TO BE QUIET (irony much?), pretty uneventful.  One really nice lady was standing behind us and we talked to her for the 15 minutes we waited and joked about how we never wanted to be “that person” – you know, the one who either is so clueless once they get to the register or just a jerk in general that they don’t understand the impact of their actions.  Or, they understand them just fine and well…but don’t give a damn.

I didn’t fully appreciate the irony of that conversation until we ventured downstairs and I fell in love with a Fossil hat/gloves/scarf set.  Falling in love hasn’t set off such a disastrous chain of events since meeting the guy I dated before Capt. UberHusband.  Nevertheless, fall in love I did.  And I have to tell you…going to New York relieved me of my fear of hats. Plus, my hair now is more hat-friendly than it was a few years back…so the winter hat industry now has that going for it.  To add lust to love, we had two “$10 Off Your $25 Purchase” coupons. Feeling thrifty and fiscally randy, I left CU in one line with my scarf and I went to another register to pay for the hat and gloves. I figured that would take less time.

And then I encountered…the line straddler. You know this person. He/she is there with a shopping partner…and there are two lines. They divide and conquer, thinking that whoever winds up in the longer line can just hop out of his/her line and as such, save time.  CU and I do this once in awhile, but I would never dare to do it on Black Friday with thirty people tapping their feet and huffing and puffing around me. Scroll back up to the top, and you’ll find that you never know who might be carrying heat.

So this one woman was in front of me, and her husband in the other line immediately to our left. When it looked like his line was going to be moving faster, she got our of our line and stood with him. I quickly moved up. No way was she coming back over. Of course, as is law, her line immediately became the bottleneck with the customers in front of her trying to split their items into multiple purchases so they could use multiple coupons.

That was when she decided to start slowly moving back over into my line. My line. It was no longer her line. She gave up all rights to my line when she relinquished allegiance and defected to her husband’s line.  As such, she is no longer eligible for the benefits associated with my line. I was scanning through Google Reader on my iPhone and trying to look like I didn’t notice what she was doing, but I could see it out of the corner of my eye. When she started sliding in front of me and gave me a sideways glance I said, very loudly, “I’M SORRY, WHAT LINE ARE YOU IN?” She stammered that she was in the other line and then scooted back over. Heh. “OH, OKAY. I JUST WANTED TO MAKE SURE THAT I WASN’T CUTTING IN FRONT OF YOU OR ANYTHING.” Heh. Imagine my exuberant glee when, after finishing my purchase, I saw her and her husband still in line…now behind someone opening up a Macy’s charge account. Heh.

Unfortunately, Capt. UberHusband wasn’t as lucky. After all of that time, when we met back up he was pretty much in the same position he was when I left. A family of four adults and one baby in front of him had a strollerful of clothes and were trying to check out in the accessories department. And, they had coupons. Lots and lots of coupons. I believe they split everything out into six or seven different transactions, and every time had to question the purchase and why the coupon wasn’t applicable to at least one item in that specific purchase. For one coupon, the guy had to use his Macy’s card…but he didn’t seem to understand that until the fourth or fifth time the saleslady (bless her heart) told him that he had to use his Macy’s card. He just kept scanning his MasterCard. Imagine this going on for thirty minutes. But at that point, you’re stuck. What are you going to do…get in another line?  The mom at one point moved her head back in our direction and said, “Sorry” but avoided direct eye contact.  Why do people do that…say they’re sorry when clearly, they aren’t?

But, we saved twenty bucks on my kick-ass cold weather accessories.  Now I just need it to get cold…and stay that way for more than a day.

First off, this is the only reason I would get up early and go to Rooms To Go (or anywhere, truthfully) tomorrow morning:

So, we’ve had a busy morning so far…perusing the Black Friday ads (tires are on sale…look out family and friends, guess what Santa’s bringing you!), trying to remember where the meat thermometer is, and deciding when it is socially acceptable to start drinking if it’s just the two of us. CU says 10 AM.

Before we mix up the inaugural chocolate peppermintinis however, I graciously present to you a list of what I am thankful for this year. Everyone’s thankful for their family (the ones they like) and friends (ditto), and I have to assume that if you have a job and like or want to keep said job, gratitude for that is universal. But, what about the little things? You know, those seemingly trivial people, places, or things which deserve some distinguished recognition? These are their stories.

A Roof Over My Head: Literally.

Wal-Act: This allergy medication…nay…miracle drug, is so special and so important that Walgreens keeps it behind the counter and I have to show them my driver’s license to get it. Between that and the $1,500 spent on allergy immunotherapy over the last two years, this past ragweed allergy season was was the least traumatic for me…ever. I think that’s worth a bit of gratitude.

The Pharmaceutical Industry: We live in a remarkable world when research, testing, and old-fashioned ingenuity can formulate drugs that manage both my grandpa’s Alzheimer’s and Cookie’s heart failure. Oh, and my disturbingly violent ragweed allergy.

Gossip Girl: This show has single-handedly renewed my faith in teenagers, with their apparently trademark martini-drinking, Bendel’s-shopping, headband-wearing manners. It also filled the void in my heart left by the cancellation of The O.C. XOXO.

Pantene Conditioner: Seriously. It’s the only conditioner which can keep my long, flowy locks from becoming a nasty, knotted bird’s nest.

Malcolm Gladwell: It sounds trite, but Blink changed my life. I’ve been thin-slicing for years, and have been right about my judgments 99.9% of the time…I just wasn’t confident in them. Now I am.

My Magic 8-Ball: I’ve consulted it for 21 years now, posing questions about life’s biggest mysteries and decisions including, “Should I break up with my boyfriend?”, “Is Cookie going to be OK after her eye surgery?”, and “Should we just elope instead of having an actual wedding?” Surprisingly, the responses are generally pretty spot-on.

President George W. Bush: I am grateful to Dubya for inspiring me to name former The Amazing Race contestants like PODubya, and for sending Capt. UberHusband to Iraq. Wait, hear me out. If CU had never gone to Iraq, I wouldn’t be able to hug him every holiday and tell him how happy I am to have him at home.

My Last Four…Wait, Make That Five Jobs: You know that saying, “Everything happens for a reason?” I’ve been saying it for ten years…and am finally starting to believe it.

Have a fantastic holiday, everyone!

Lifted from Ficken Chingers:

This one’s easy…just head over to your 2007 archives and find the first sentence of the first post you wrote every month.

January

I can’t believe it’s been a week since I last blogged…something strange happened after Christmas, and I sort of forgot to do everything I normally do.

February

So, I had this dream last night…Matt Saracen and Julie Taylor were newlyweds, and were participating in some reality show for just-married folks…So You Think You Can Dance Like A Newlywed Idol.

March

Don’t you hate it when your job gets in the way of your blogging?

April

Well…at least I figured out how to add text to a graphic file.

May

I swear, the world is such a funny place…last night, as storms were barrelling through the area, Dan Henry on Fox 4 News fielded a viewer question wondering if the storm coverage was going to pre-empt American Idol.

June

Capt. UberHusband and I went to see Knocked Up yesterday morning.

July

In case you’ve been wondering where I’ve been, I realize I’ve turned into “that girl”…you know, the one who gets who she thinks has a really cool new boyfriend and then cuts off virtually all contact with her friends.

August

CU and I decided to flip over to CNBC last night at 8 PM to watch the Fast Money MBA Challenge, which pitts MBA students from “top business schools according to the 2007 U.S. News & World Report Top Business Schools ranking” (which incredibly, doesn’t include mine) against each other for cash! prizes!

September

I’m guilty of being one of “those people” who likes to lump teenagers into one group – you know, the self-absorbed mutants who don’t care about anyone except themselves and possibly, a roughly 10-square foot radius around them.

October

Since I opted to help CU with the pantry instead of study…my free time today is sucked up by school work.

November

Last night was really funny.

December

Christmas at casa de snark was wonderful, as usual. Although…I have to say, it doesn’t really matter if your home has one, two, or twenty people in it on Christmas day…it’s a tiring experience. Seriously – you’re going from the moment you wake up and by the time you get to the day after Christmas you vow that you will do things differently the next year. But really, you never do.

So now that we have that holiday under our belts, our sights are turned to New Year’s Eve. Ah…New Year’s Eve…the holiday full of interesting memories. I have loads. One particularly poignant one from 1995 (6?) involves a party with some friends, and ends with a now decade-long violent aversion to tequila. Another involves me going into the back alley behind the house and letting loose on one of our neighbors and his demon spawn child, because they had the balls to shoot off fireworks toward our backyard. This was annoying not only because we had a burn ban at the time, but because I was desperately trying to just sleep through freaking midnight when CU was in Iraq. I have another one from high school…I had a party…with confetti I created out of paper and a hole punch. I think I spent about six hours vacuuming it up the next day. Good times.

New Year’s Eves have become a little more subdued around here in recent years. Now it generally consists of dinner out and then a bottle of champagne back at home at midnight, but we’ve been invited to a party next door by the Non-Husband-Stealing Neighbor. We’ll take advantage of that after dinner…should be fun, and will give us a great opportunity to regift a few things. Oh, I’m sorry…did I say that out loud?

And of course, with the new year comes the inevitable questions about what your new year’s resolutions are. Are you one of those folks who sets lofty goals like, “I will lose fifteen pounds by January 15″ or do you set more reasonable goals like, “I’ll try to floss the day I go to the dentist?” Do you just pooh-pooh the whole concept, believing that resolutions are lame because no one ever meets any of them?

Or…do you decide to go all wickedly insane and vow to blog every day in 2008?

…and all through the house, all the creatures were stirring…especially my spouse. Heh.

Most of us have at least a few good Christmas memories, right? You know, the ones that you still remember 20, 30, 40 years later?

• When I was a little girl…2nd grade? Maybe it was 4th…not sure. Anyway, both of my parents were sick – really sick. That year they did get up with me at the crack of dawn long enough to open presents, then it was back to bed. Best Christmas ever…why, you ask? Because I had Spaghettios for Christmas dinner. I rocked.
• One Christmas when we lived in Wisconsin (I was somewhere between 3 & 6), I looked out our back sliding glass door on Christmas morning and saw reindeer tracks leading away from the door! Cool! Santa really did come to the house…or did he? Turns out he didn’t…but the end of a broom handle did.
• My first Christmas in my very own apartment – sans roommate. 1996. That was such a great year. I had this dinky little 4′ tree and a brand-new poodle puppy. Awww.
• Believe it or not, the year CU was in Iraq. I woke up Christmas morning, and he and I opened presents together courtesy of Yahoo Messenger and my webcam. I would have rather had him here, but that was the next best thing. The other thing I remember vividly – how I managed to get all of his Christmas presents arranged in one flat-rate Priority Mail box – it was like a wrapped game of Jenga.

I’d love to hear some of your favorite memories…or better yet, share them in your own blogs and get all of us in the Christmas spirit!

And…speaking of Christmas spirit…we figured out who sent us the cake. It was CU’s uncle. Mystery solved.

And…speaking of food…we are anxiously awaiting the Ninth Annual Christmas Eve Dinner Snarktacular this evening at The Melting Pot. Nothing says Christmas like stabbing little pieces of meat and cooking them yourself.

Merry Christmas…hope you all have a wonderful holiday!

CU and I received a fantastic cake last week – from Cakes by Jane – but we don’t know who sent it. I thought maybe our friends Jana and Vali sent it, but an email from Jana today confirmed they did not, in fact send us a cake. On the upside, we should be getting something from Wine.com soon!

We’ve gone through our list of the Usual Gift Suspects and have come up completely empty. Hopefully we can figure out who sent it, because I don’t want the giver thinking I’m a totally inconsiderate buffoon for not promptly thanking him or her.

Ah…now it looks more like Christmas around here. Nothing like a fresh theme to take us into the last week before Christmas, right?

On that note…and on the heels of my post about things which make it seem like the holidays, I wanted to toss out a few toys from my youth which made my heart go all aflutter:

• Lite-Brite
• Fashion Plates
• Legos
• Barbie and all of her related paraphernalia

One of my favorite Christmas gifts ever was a fantastic Barbie townhouse. Got it one of the Christmases we lived in Wisconsin…so I was little. It was three stories (about as tall as me, at the time) and had an elevator I could operate myself! With a piece of string! The inflatable furniture I got to go along with it was…quite trendy at the time? The only thing that place was missing was a macrame plant hanger, and maybe a fondue set.

The one thing I always wanted – but never got – was an Easy Bake Oven. I don’t know what it was about those things, but the thought of cooking by light bulb always sounded so fun. Sure, I could bake a cake in a real oven…but where’s the joy in that? I was never big into the whole Cabbage Patch doll thing…and of course, games for my Atari 2600 were always appreciated – like Pitfall. Oh, that Pitfall Harry – what a man.

What about you?

Dear Santa,

Thank you for delivering a few items yesterday for Capt. UberHusband to wrap today and put under the tree. Things were looking mighty one-sided under there for a bit, and I didn’t want to have to call Dr. Phil to remind CU that some women need to see presents under the tree for more than a week before Christmas.

By the by…Cookie has asked for a kitten for Christmas. I’m not sure where she’s going with that idea, but I think you should probably skip the kitten and get her a new bed.

While I’ve got you here, I’m making my grocery list and wanted to check on your wine and cheese preferences in lieu of cookies and milk this year. Would you rather go traditional with a nice cab, or live it up a bit with a zesty sangiovese? I assume you’re bringing your designated sleigh driver (I won’t tell anyone, don’t worry – your secret is safe with me)?

Let me know…see you in ten days!

Snarkwife

I was reading Women’s Health at the gym a couple of days ago (no, really) and a few of the magazine’s writers were asked what their favorite things were about the holiday season. I thought, “That would make a cool blog post.”

So, here’s my list:

• Christmas episodes of TV shows (think Roseanne, Little House on the Prairie, The O.C.)
• New wrapping paper
• Chocolate peppermintinis
• News reports about those weirdos who run up $1,000 electric bills with their outdoor light displays
• Going out shopping with CU, then pointing at things and saying, “THAT would make a good Christmas present. No wait, come back here – LOOK – that would make a good Christmas present. Did you hear me?“
• Looking at all the ornaments CU and I have acquired over the years
• Bitching about that horrible song, “Christmas Shoes”
• Opening *one* present on Christmas eve
• Christmas Eve dinner at The Melting Pot
• Watching Cookie and Daisy go all wiggy trying to get chewbones out of their stockings

What about you?

This is the seventh Christmas season for CU and I in our house (okay, technically it’s only CU’s sixth) and we have never done the holiday lights thing.

When we drive around in the evenings, we see so many truly horrific light displays that we always said we’d never do lights unless we could do them right.

This year though, we’re surrounded by lights. Our neighbors on both sides have them up…our neighbor across the street has them up, and the folks in the house kitty corner from us – well, they don’t really have lights up, they just have those awful red and green outdoor flood lights – but we can’t be the only ones not in the holiday spirit, you know?

Feeling rather Grinchy while surrounded by all of this festive spirit, we decided this would be the year we would do lights. We’re so glad we did. Ours is the best house on the block. Neener neener. I didn’t think we were terribly competitive, but I guess we are.

Heh. Just wait until we put up the new fence next month.

Someone asked me how the Billy Joel concert was…you remember, the one I was so excited about because I got tickets for my birthday? Well, we didn’t go. The asshat CU bought the tickets from on eBay never sent them. Nice. Didn’t respond to emails, phone calls…nothing. The guy had a 100% positive feedback rating but in recent weeks, we’ve discovered we’re not the only ones who were duped. Now the transaction is in the hands of the PayPal claims department. What a pain in the ass. But, the Dallas Morning News said it was a great concert.

• $1 iPhones – Enough said.
• Manolo Blahniks…for your man – Ooooooh…guess what Capt. UberHusband is getting this year!!
• Rick Springfield’s new Christmas CD – “You know I wish that I had Santa’s girl.” Okay, I’ll quit.
• The Christmas drinking glove – Friends don’t let friends drink cold.
• A flight on JetBlue – Because it’s an amazing airline which, I might add, doesn’t fly out of Dallas. Figures.
• The no-hands auto can opener – Although, I’m not quite sure why you’d be opening cans in your car.

• “My First Cocktail” lunch box – where was this when I was a kid?
• A cabinet that looks like a Wiimote – unfortunately, the house that looks like an actual Wii is on backorder until 2009.
• Men’s titanium bracelet – I have no idea why you would buy this for someone, but Amazon.com doesn’t charge tax and it does ship free with super saver shipping…?
• Mophie Mueva Wraptor acryllic
• case for 2G Shuffle – it’s the second “l” in “acryllic” which makes this a must-buy. The more l’s, the better the product.
• Helio Castroneves – because, well, he’s back on the market!

• A case of 1200 Starbucks cup sleeves – for the person who…brews his or her own Starbucks at home? Sadly, you can’t get the matching cups. I’d try Overstock.com for those.
• Coach lipstick…yes, you read that right!
• Hillary Clinton nutcracker…complete with sensible shoes
• Hello Kitty Electronic Toilet Paper Dispenser
• The Ex 5-piece Knife Set with Unique Holder – unique, indeed.

Only one turkey was harmed in the making of this film.

Have a fantastic Thanksgiving!

Last night was really funny. First, it was bright and sunny when the trick-or-treaters started wandering around our neighborhood…at 5:30 PM. CU and I went for a reallllly long walk, during which we encountered a young girl engaging in a blood-curdling screamfest. I think she was yelling for everyone to come to her house…I think. Any other night of the year I might have been concerned but on Halloween, even if she really is getting chopped up into a million pieces, what are you going to do?

When we made it back to our house, people were setting up camp in their front yards, ready to hand out candy. Our neighbor across the street even had a box of Franzia…we assume…for the parents? Maybe it was for him, who knows.

After we showered and cleaned up, we headed over to Posados for dinner. For those of you in and around the DFW area, you’ll know that Posados is always busy. Always. So busy in fact, we usually have to park rather far away. Last night, though…rock star parking. Right in front. Heh. When we showed up close to 7, we were one of about four parties in the restaurant. I’m not kidding. That place was dead. After dinner we went to DSW Shoe Warehouse and I picked up some really cute shoes, then we came home.

Heading back, the crowds of candy beggars had increased significantly…as did the shock value of the costumes. We saw a couple of young ladies whom we affectionately named “Slutty Pirate Wench” and “Slutty Something With a Short Skirt.” Parents, do you really let your daughters out looking like that, or were you at Posados with us and as such, had no idea what they were doing? I also spotted a roaming gang of young men, shirtless and with saggy pants. Fortunately, they were roaming away from our street.

But, another Halloween has come and gone…anyone have any good stories?

Yeah, I know – I have a strict rule that I generally don’t discuss anything Christmas-related until at least my birthday has passed…but I had to lead off this year’s shopping guide with a particularly special inaugural item…a Dolce & Gabbana Motorola Bluetooth headset.

Now, I understand the allure and profitability of Dolce & Gabbana striking a licensing deal with Motorola…but seriously folks, is there a market for this sort of thing out there? Is this what the kids on The Hills are wearing this season? Funny thing…this is the exact same headset I own, except…mine is this one. Maybe I need to write “SW” on mine with a magic marker. That would be really cool.

Happy Halloween!

There was an article in the Dallas Morning News this morning, talking about the age-old subject of, “How old is too old to go trick or treating?” It reminded me of the last time I went trick or treating…my freshman year of high school.

So, I believe you’re too old to go trick or treating when you’re old enough to find out on the bus the next day that your boyfriend dumped you the night before…and everyone else knew before you did. Good times.

Seriously though…how old is too old? I remember being at Mom’s house years ago, before she moved to New York, and her doorbell was ringing until 10 PM. At that late hour, it was generally teenagers in totally non-original costumes like “High School Junior” and “Disaffected Youth Gone Mild”. She gave them candy because she was afraid they’d trash her house if they didn’t. And that my friends, is the reason for the season.

(more…)

You know, my blog is starting to sound like one of those places where you go to read paid advertisements about things other people want me to say I like. But, I swear…that isn’t the case…I just have a lot of great things to share!

One of my co-workers has hit the big time…he has been in cahoots with the best-selling Christmas Chronicles series for some time now, and the franchise has a new book coming out this Fall – just in time for Christmas gift-giving!

Santa’s North Pole Cookbook

From the Publisher:

In this one-of-a-kind Christmas cookbook, Saint Nicholas himself invites readers to pull up their chairs to his dining table at the North Pole and enjoy a bounty of his most cherished holiday recipes. Featuring classic American holiday dishes as well as mouthwatering Christmas fare from all over the world-Santa’s favorite finds from his extensive travels-Santa’s North Pole Cookbook offers an abundance of holiday meals that are as delicious as they are rich in Christmas tradition.

With more than seventy classic Christmas recipes from German Christmas Goose with Cabbage and Potato Dumplings and Santa’s Favorite Rosemary Turkey to Christopsomo (the traditional Greek holiday bread that children decorate with dough designs before baking) and English Christmas Plum Pudding, Santa’s North Pole Cookbook is a must-have for anyone who delights in preparing delectable, yet easy-to-make holiday food for their family. Santa also tells the fascinating lore of the celebration of the winter solstice and the festivities of Christmas, sharing with readers the wonderful stories about how and where he personally encountered these toothsome delicacies in his yuletide travels.

Full of appetizers, side dishes, main courses, beverages-and, of course, desserts!-Santa’s North Pole Cookbook guides readers in creating special holiday meals for their loved ones at Christmastime.

Great…now I’m hungry.

I’m so glad we’re cutting Daisy’s beard shorter now…she looks a little silly in this photo.

I’d also like to point out that it’s 2 PM…and we haven’t had a drop of rain today…yet. Dare I mention it’s actually…sort of…sunny outside? Well, maybe not sunny…but it’s really bright. I’m sure there’s sun beyond the clouds.

Off the subject, I’m not quite sure why the CSS for this theme made everything in italics appear in bold red. When I get around to turning the Mac back on tomorrow morning, I will need to fix that…for it is rather annoying.

I saw Christmas decorations today…at Hobby Lobby.

I walk in, looking for fabric-friendly velcro and a frame easel and…I am slapped in the face with three aisles’ worth of Christmas crap, with ornaments being set up right before my eyes.

Christmas.

IT’S JUNE.

Beware all, I suspect the end is near.

**PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT FROM CASA DE SNARK**

With Easter upon us, it’s likely many of our homes will be filled with chocolate. KEEP ALL CHOCOLATE WELL OUT OF REACH OF YOUR DOGS!

Last night, I was wondering where Cookie was when I heard Daisy rustling around in my office…sniffing, what I quickly found out, were the remains of a 3.5 oz. Lindt dark chocolate bunny, meant for CU’s Easter basket. There goes that surprise.

Unfortunately, it was Cookie…not Daisy, who had eaten the entire thing. She’s not a very clean eater, and the chocolate breath and smeared goo all over her mouth gave her away.

(more…)

Snarkwife’s Googly Woogly Guide To Valentine’s Day

Superman, Can You Read My Mind?: Ladies, if your man isn’t attentive and romantic the other 364 days of the year, don’t pitch a fit and cry and whine about what a loser he is if your Utopian fantasies don’t materialize today. Besides, if he did show up with roses and candy, you’d probably gripe that (a) the roses will die in four days, (b) the candy will make you fat and (c) he only did all of this because he knew you’d get mad if he didn’t. Unless he completely forgets, cut the guy some slack. Having said that…

Embrace Your Inner McDreamy: Men…know your woman. Pay attention. If you hear her say, “Honey…I really like these pajamas and they would make such a fabulous Valentine’s Day gift,” she has just provided you with a clue. Don’t miss it. Trust yourself…you know what makes her happy and if you don’t, well…that’s why God created Walgreens. Hop to it. There’s nothing that drives a woman more wild than a man who appears to give a damn about her thoughts and interests. Seriously. I wouldn’t steer you wrong on this. If you’re so lucky as to have a Kirsten Cohen who will go so far as to flag pages in the Victoria’s Secret catalog (”Did you get me the black with the beige trim, or the beige with the black trim?”), hold her close and never let her go.

None Of That Lover’s Lament Crap: There are infinitely worse things in life than being single on Valentine’s Day. I remember being single on Valentine’s Day, and the day is only as miserable as you make it. If you start out the day hating coupled people and hating Hallmark and hating Walgreens for having shoved the holiday down your throat since January 2…well sheesh…no wonder you’re single. Go out to dinner. Believe me, people aren’t staring at you. They think you’re amazing for having the courage to go out, because they themselves do not possess that courage. Watch American Idol Grey’s Anatomy (updated for 2007!). Give your doggie a smooch and send e-cards to all your friends.

Misty Watercolored Memories: Purge those ghosts of Valentine’s Days Past. I remember…eight years ago, my then-boyfriend had a dozen long-stemmed red roses delivered to me at work. The sentiment fell flat for multiple reasons, one of which being he used his mom’s credit card to order them. He also seemed to get more of a kick out of the attention he got for sending them (we worked together) than whether or not I actually liked them. The only enjoyable part of that day was going to Albertsons after dinner and watching all the misfit men in the Express Lane buying last-minute cards and candy for 75% off.

That is all. Off you go.

Our final Christmas Carol Mad Lib “interpretation” comes to us courtesy of Firebrand’s Desiderata!

These Mad Libs were so much fun and I thank everyone who participated. I met some great new people, found some fun new blogs to add to my daily reads and hope it also added a little extra cheer to your holiday season!

Merry Christmas Eve!

Christmas Carol Mad Libs
‘Twas the Night Before Christmas, Part 2

And so up to the faery the reindeer soon fluttered

With the sleighful of fireflies and Al Capone, too.
Down the chimney he came amidst friends and soot.
He was covered in french fries from his head to his foot.

He fished not at all,
But went straight to his work,
And filled all the filing cabinets,
Then flittered with a jerk.

And laying his finger aside of his nose,

and giving a nod, up the chimney he rose.
But I heard him exclaim as he flashed out of sight,
“Fast Christmas to all, and to all a friendly night!”

We’re getting ready to head out for our 4th Annual Fondue Christmas Eve Dinner, and I wanted to take this chance to wish all of you a Merry Christmas.

Have a wonderful day tomorrow…enjoy!