We snuck out of work early on Friday and went to see Forgetting Sarah Marshall. Figured that was a safe bet, as we’d be able to dodge the Teenage Brigade…they weren’t out of school yet. Ha!

Seriously though, both CU and I thought the movie was great. Perfect casting. Everyone is great…everyone is funny…there’s nothing I enjoy more now than a great adult comedy. This one wasn’t even a gross-out comedy. There are a few references, but it’s nothing that made me blush. And I’ve seen a naked man before, so the vision of Jason Segal in all his nakeditude wasn’t all that shocking.

I’m not really one for detail-by-detail movie reviews, especially when they usually sound like reviews the pros have already written. It’s funny. Me like. You go see. You like, too.

(more…)

As I was admiring myself in the dress I bought this weekend for the wedding we’re attending next weekend, I told CU I thought it looked really good…except for my pasty white skin. You see, the dress is sleeveless…and, it’s May. What this means is I have pasty white skin and absolutely no item of sleeveless clothing is complimentary to pasty white skin.

I then told CU I really needed a tan…and he suggested I go and get a spray-on tan before we go to Chicago. You see, I knew there was a reason I married that man…he comes up with brilliant ideas which probably seem really obvious to him, but sometimes I’m a little slow on the uptake. Either that, or I was scarred by that episode of Friends where Ross goes to get a spray-on tan and instead of a 2, he gets 4 rounds of 2 for…an…eight?

Anyway…have any of you ever done the spray-on tan thing? Any tips? How long does it usually last? I don’t want to look like I’ve just come back from three weeks in the islands…

And, I’m sorry, but did Edie hang herself on Desperate Housewives last night?

season finale
color on wisteria?
sold house over phone

air hockey stud tom
quit his job, back to work, wife!
good luck there, buddy

ice hockey freak zach
felicia’s whack to the head
pulls gun on susan

in a strange script twist
what in the hell, rex is dead?
creepy george to blame!

well-polished silver
must finish the task at hand
devastated bree

poker to the head
kitchen knife to the stomach
oh, mary alice

lawn boy tells carlos
carlos needs impulse control
can carlos breast feed?

dierdre had a child?
mike got all the scoop from paul
don’t go in the house!

naughty naughty bree
creepy george must be sinful
relight fire with rex?

and speaking of rex
not feeling any better
hey, where’s that george guy?

dead mama solis
scapegoat for sneaky carlos
hey, where’s that george guy?

bowl full of salsa
yard boy’s face full of salsa
i could go for some

no more susan’s mom
popped question, big diamond
one less annoyance

felicia’s got balls
i am not my sister, paul
no use for the knife

get a grip, lynette
a maid all day, and at night?
the couch is just fine

susan and mike aww
reunited, feels so good
still think he’s zach’s dad

creepy zach is back
handful of rocks at pretty face
but i love julie

jealous wife lynette
friends close, enemies closer
annabelle trouble

is tom a real dog?
you can tell, he has secrets
i’d be concerned, too

creepy george is back
rex still does not know to lie
not a fan of weeds

speaking of dear george
ginger girl sells arby’s, too
saw it this morning

paul lies to susan
a lame story, wife’s name change
call in the p.i.

new mama solis
who should she be angry at
show her the four-door

fun time barbecue
always someone in the pool
all your fault, carlos

am gay, says andrew
but i like chocolate, too
just wait, torture bree

lynette has a heart
cranky old neighbor needs help
knock knock, are you there?

want back in this bed?
rip up the postnup, carlos
you know what to do

susan’s train wreck mom
sucks all of the oxygen
bring back morty, please

snarky theory
mike delfino is zach’s dad
it makes perfect sense

final words, mama
his wife is cheating on him
did you say something?

hottie contractor
now you’re thinking like a friend
edie saw him first

i will fix the tire
i promise i’ll fix the tire
didn’t fix the tire

tough love for andrew
don’t kick your mom, just not cool
do what you must do

hear no evil, lynette
that’s sign for i told you so
even deaf say bitch

to the clink, carlos
wait for your husband, don’t cheat
eight months is long time

watch all the gears shift
win the lottery, all mine?
one point six mil cash

spring break is over
back to suburban intrigue
right where we left off

preston porter lice
mommy politics again
bounce house smackdown

when it rains it pours
sewer backed up, solis house
jacuzzi, tide works

housewife whore maisy
black garters, caught by police
black book, oh poor bree

edie knows to bluff
drag susan out of the house
too many drinks, smooch paul?

angela from utah
mary alice, i’m confused
can’t hide much longer

missus huber’s sis smart
mike’s not the killer, dear paul
keep digging, sister

portapotty blues
love that italian marble
great friends say nothing

practice safe sex, kids
andy not randy, daughter?
lawn boy back again

leads abstinence club
not running for second term
bree not good counsel

tom is moving up
sabotage husband’s career
he’s happy, really

cute heart shaped pancakes
drug trafficking, manslaughter
susan’s heart destroyed

new yard boy needs love
koo koo kachoo gabrielle
may be broke, not poor

sneak out to party
zach shows creepy true colors
bang bang, you are dead

wait, randy andy!
missing boxers, caught in pool
is that new lawn boy?

missus solis poor
sleep better on a serta
make the help pretty

evil child thieves
need adult supervision
hop to it lynette

rex admits to bree
need to be dominated
handcuffs sparkly clean!

susan short short skirt
romantic dinner, mike shot
think fast pal, cops here

lawn boy, full time job
marry me missus solis
john a toy, goodbye

creepy drug guy george
watch out rex, he will switch pills
like mister solis

kids, young and in love
zach did not kill baby girl
scared susan with rage

like father, like son
big gay matt has a secret
lynette no wiser

golf clubs, plates, timeshare
isn’t divorce fun? says rex
level playing field

john’s dad, played by rules
never had a hottie chick
he’s just middle aged

actress golden globe
teri sparkles in blue dress
good start to the year

gun toting mom bree
romantic date at the range
kiss, shot, ow, my toe!

mary alice, mike?
not fast enough, dad will die
vested interest

need yoga class!
make a wish for day care slot
new low for lynette

carlos on a leash
burnt outside, steamy inside
daddy baby lust

missus huber writes
everyone’s mundane tales
suck up to edie

peaceful, final rest
edie, i burned down your house
hose death off susan

frasier’s agent’s here!
missus huber, like a roach
search rescue party

cheating hubby rex
kids master extortionists
anal retentive

gabrielle is broke
hock jewelry, most ugly
get a job, ha ha

poor guy, susan’s ex
caught brandy, another guy
julie’s birthday, join?

nanny claire exposed
want me to make the coffee?
in the mood for love

fairview mall car show
buick lacrosse, three hundred
match shoes to the dress

Side note: I can deal with the Buick LaCrosse commercials two or three times an episode, but when I have to watch Gabrielle try to pitch one at the mall, that’s going a bit far.

susan mike are where?
candles, pillows, washing clothes?
floor plan confuses

singing daughter, friends
more family birthday fun
i love you, that’s great

date with the drug guy
dating my wife, call me rex!
exquisite flowers

insecure lynette
won’t admit lust in his heart
give us a minute?

been to paradise
that tired piece of edie?
never been to me

son knows about dad
best eighteen year marriage
for that, respect him

susan’s over ex
up to you, new york new york
run across street, love

paul hides evidence
set up plumber for the fall
no one suspects mike

Thanks to BoBB for playing from MyEurotrip.org - and thanks for your patience in waiting a couple of weeks for your round! {smile}

Christmas Carol Mad Lib #18
Jolly Wet Saint Nicholas

Jolly wet Saint Nicholas, lean your epidermis this way!

Don’t you tell a single president what I’m going to say.
Christmas Eve is coming soon; now you dear dusty man,
Whisper what you’ll bring to me; tell me if you can.

When the clock is striking 666, when I’m fast asleep.
Down the chimney broad and orange, with your library you’ll creep.
All the leggings you will find, hanging in a row;

Mine will be the soft one - you’ll be sure to know.

Johnny wants some envelopes, Susie wants a box,
Nelly wants a storybook - she thinks dolls are smelly.
As for me, my little brain isn’t very tired;
Choose for me, lovely Santa Claus, what you think is right.

next great idea
little turn on the catwalk
carrie bradshaw bit

carrot sticks, sunscreen
normal is a bad, bad plan
nanny nine one one

weed eater andrew
scholarship, to the state pen?
dime bag in his sock

susan spies a foot
gabrielle’s, under table
read her riot act

nanny diaries
score me some high grade nanny
dishes? only kids

flew the loony coop
zach killed baby sister, why?
mack down with julie

doin’ hot housewife?
susan, yard boy’s mom suspects
gabrielle comes clean

child’s small toy box,
pulled from lake, adult female
small, tiny pieces

statutory rape
flashing police lights, oh no!
carlos in handcuffs?

andrew has no soul
i’m the son, mom the monster
move to canada

hidden cold hard cash
susan hangs from high ceiling
hot sex at wrong time

scheduled hit, edie
that’s not your paper? god, no
wrong girl, no refunds

stay at home mom blues
no one told her, ’twas so hard
we need to tell each other

carlos keeps vigil
forgive me father, my sins
depends what you buy

wouldn’t hurt a fly
paul takes matters in own hands
loop rug, soaks up well

sexy guest for mike
honky tonk, sister was there?
susan takes a hit

desperate housekids
money cannot buy you love
rex come home, need you

poor lynette, strung out
please, can i use your bathroom?
my, what lovely tarts

mama solis knows
the jig is up, gabrielle
watch out for the car

ten grand and she’s dead
evil drives a minivan
monday night football

sunglasses, hatchback
what did you do, zachary?
car’s plate, eagle state

sinewy friction
burrito interruptus
rex not climbing walls!

the housekeeper stays
mama solis plays the cards
lawn boy is the one

alpha mom school wars

medieval on the wolf’s ass
just say no to drugs

neighborhood yard sale
paul’s box labeled “baby stuff”
ask questions, fat lip

susan housesits cat
wisteria lane panics
sorry, officer

porter, preston bad
homeschooling, no more sailing
sacrifice, my ass

christmas secret bree
egg nog, young zach be thy name
no sandwich for you

plus size lingerie

hot yard boy, three hours waiting
jerk husband does cry

secret agent mike
suburbs, take no precautions
it’s complicated

Welcome my friends, to Desperate Housewives.

Heh heh heh heh…this show is going to be fun. Fun if you like dark humor and watching people with seemingly perfect lives fall apart. Heh heh heh. I’ll say upfront that this show garnered the first official Outwit, Outblog, Outsnark Seal of Approval for excellence in snarkable television programming.

I suppose it was no accident that when Mary Alice Young’s pre-suicide life was depicted, it was very beige…and eggshell…and ecru. How…suburban. We’ve got all the stereotypes…play along at home and match them up to the women in your neighborhood!

Teri Hatcher introduces us to Susan, the divorced mom (I wish people would stop calling themselves single mothers when they’re not…they’re divorced moms) who has an all-too precocious teenage daughter who might just be the only reason to make me hit the mute button. We have far too many smart-ass children on television who think they know more about life than their parents. And Susan…please…don’t take advice on your love life from the tween who is still building trojan horses out of popsicle sticks.

Marcia Cross give us Bree, the uber-mother and housewife whose life is incredibly perfect in her little bubble, which unfortunately doesn’t include her husband or her kids. She can bake a perfect muffin, apply a perfect coat of lipstick and I’m sure her bras and panties coordinate. However, her son gripes that she doesn’t cook real food (”Why does it always have to be cuisine?”) and her husband asks for a divorce while they dine at a non-cuisiney family steakhouse because he “can’t live in this detergent commercial anymore.” Hee.

Felicity Huffman plays Lynette, the former corporate bigwig who chucked it all for the far more rewarding life of being a stay-at-home-mom. I’m so glad they’ve got someone on television who will portray the task for what it is…irritating, boring and not at all what she expected. Finally, a woman who will admit that its not all butterfly kisses…even if she’s fictional. Lynette’s got it tough though, and it doesn’t help that her husband is apparently away on business quite a bit. Ouch.

Nicolette Sheridan smolders as Edie (how retro), who is exactly what you would expect Paige from Knots Landing to turn into…and she doesn’t disappoint. The block’s gayest divorcee, she frequently runs around without a bra and for about twenty seconds was in competition with Susan for the lone single male on the block. And, he rents.

Eva Longoria plays Gabrielle, the former runway model who married rich and is now suffering the consequences of having a man who gives her everything she wants…except she now realizes what she’s getting isn’t what she really wants. Huh. Go figure. Tough break. She’s having a grand time with the gardener though, and I don’t think anyone has ever mowed a lawn in an evening gown with such grace and panache.

The funny thing while I was watching this show though, was how all I could think about was which Sex and the City girl would turn into which Wisteria Lane Stereotype. Charlotte would probably snap and turn into Bree, Samantha would turn into Edie (or vice-versa), Carrie would turn into Susan and Miranda…well, she’s Lynette without a doubt.

So I said to myself, “Self, any women like this in our neighborhood?” Lynette comes close…but she’d need to gain about sixty pounds and have a less-attractive husband. Behind our house is someone who could almost pass as a cross between Susan and Edie now that I think about it…no uber-moms though, unless you count the editor of our homeowner’s association newsletter whom I suspect may also be on the verge of detergentdom.

How fun though…finally, ABC has brought back the adult drama that isn’t overly preachy, panders to children or panders to adults. This is a fun way for me to spend my Sunday nights, as I fold my freshly laundered clothing and clean up from the Sunday meal. My favorite scene in the show was when Lynette and her husband are about to have sex and she mentions that he’ll have to wear a condom. He balks and says, “Let’s just risk it.” Lynette comes unglued and gives him a nice punch to the noggin. “Let’s risk it?” Romantic moment over. Good lord boy, don’t you know how babies are made?

And to quote my husband…”Poor Teri Hatcher. Look how she’s let herself go.” Hee.

Zap2it - TV features - Desperate Viewers Should Check out ‘Housewives’

I am so ready for this show to premiere on Sunday night, if for no other reason than to tally the number of times I say, “The housewives and stay-at-home-moms in my neighborhood are NOTHING like these women.” I’m home all day. I see what they do. Trust me…ain’t as hot and sexy and ABC will probably want us to believe. The fact that I will have something to watch other than Jack and Bobby is a plus, too.

I am most definitely curious to see what happened to Kimberly after she divorced Michael, Lois after she divorced Clark/Superman (come on, you know that’s how they ended up) and Dana after she left the network TV grind. If they’re really so desperate, they’re more than welcome to swing by my casa in the a.m. and share a cup of Seattle’s Best Coffee.

Details to follow on Monday. Yes, I’ll be taking notes and reporting the differences between these ladies and the housewives/SAHMs that live around me. If I get adventurous, I might live-blog the silly thing so I won’t lose a single, snarky comment.