You know it’s a great world we live in when you get to watch two damaged Merediths on one night…nay…within the same hour. It’s an even greater world when you get to watch people do insane things over a shiny object.

Over on The Office we were treated to Meredith getting whacked in the face by Pam’s “Don’t call me Eli” football pass, and then over on Grey’s Anatomy we’re witnesses to Mere being metaphorically whacked in the face by the sight of an unbelievably chipper Derek and Rose. Sakes alive, those two should be in toothpaste commercials.

Then we have something shiny under Stanley’s car on The Office which results in Michael getting a full peanut butter head massage by Dwight (watch out…Bliss will have it on its services menu in a week), and a shiny Sparkle Pager which prompts our Grey’s residents to continue to act like immature, moronic interns. Really? Sparkle Pager?

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So…which shows did the UberSnark household miss last night, due to storm coverage and breaking possible tornado outbreak news from eighty miles away?

• Survivor
• 30 Rock
• The Office

We did manage to watch ER, because the severe threat had passed by then. But, I guess we’ll head over to the NBC website and watch the other shows there. Except for Survivor. Are they showing that on CBS.com? Don’t tell me who went home…don’t want to know.

Now, NBC5i did cut back to regular programming during the last two minutes of The Office. All we saw was Michael and Dwight in front of what looked like a grave. We screamed, “GAH! NO! TURN IT OFF! DON’T WANT TO KNOW!”

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Okay…before I begin to busy myself with work, end-of-the-week school chaos, and the brain-jarring jackhammering of our friendly neighborhood plumber (plumber #2, since plumber #1 called in sick for our appointment this morning) - let’s talk about Lost.

I think last night’s episode wouldn’t bug me so much if I didn’t already know we were only getting half a season of episodes. If I knew we had sixteen coming instead of eight, the fact that we’ve had precious little forward movement in two episodes wouldn’t bug me…but I don’t, so it does.

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Survivor

• I’m a little disturbed that James’s vocabulary seems to only consists of the words “dumb-ass,” “unintelligible mumble,” and “bitch” (as in, skinny or dumb-ass). I refuse to just brush this off and dismiss it because, as CU says, “Well, he is a gravedigger.”
• Poor Denise. I know what it’s like not to get picked for a team. On the upside though, no one could blame you for losing the Reward Challenge.
• Au revoir, Jean-Robert. How come you’re the only person who didn’t lose any weight while you were there? Hey, that rhymed.

Grey’s Anatomy

• Okay, does it make me a mean person if I’m all giggly and excited that George and Izzie are having lousy, tooth-chipping sex? I’ve now realized I don’t mind if they’re doing it, I just don’t want it to be any good…because, ew.
• Chief Webber is a pain in the ass. Who did his laundry the whole time he was holed up in that hotel? You can’t tell me he sent his clothes out to be cleaned…when it’s, like, $5 to clean a pair of underbritches.
• For all you women out there…if you want to have sex with your husband/boyfriend/whatever…the code shall now be, “Want to get together later and watch The Godfather?”
• So, did Callie get fired as in, “no longer at Seattle Grace” or fired as in “no longer Chief Resident?” When I hear the word “fired,” I imagine a box to clear out your locker and a security escort to your car.
• I cheered when Lexie said, “Screw you” to Meredith. Meredith has become, by far, the most annoying character on television. Sort of want to toss her back into the Puget Sound and let her get a bit of that coveted clarity again.
• Sad at the end though, with Papa Grey. No wonder Lexie…er…Meredith…er…Lexie…is sleeping with inappropriate men.
• Um…where’s Joe? His bar is there…but where’s Joe?

ER

It says a lot when I turn to CU during this show and say, “You know, I really think ER is better than Grey’s Anatomy.” If your head is jerking around in disagreement, hear me out. It’s consistently funnier (Neela’s 19-year old intern, anyone? Guy could beat the crap out of George any day of the week.) …the dramatic storylines are truly dramatic (Gates dealing with the death of a beloved patient, Abby falling off the wagon, Moretti’s clearly manic son)…but, the music isn’t all that much better, save the weird folk duo singing publicly-funded hospital standards like, “I Will Survive.” Classic.

I’m so glad Grey’s Anatomy is back into the swing of things this season. Even the music is better, wouldn’t you agree?

I read…somewhere…might have been Ask Ausiello, that two people who we wouldn’t have thought would hook up would, actually, hook up. So last night, CU and I were trying to pair everyone up. Hahn and Syph Nurse? Chief Webber and Callie? McDreamy and Webber? After all, one is already fixing breakfast for the other. Oh wait, what about Pretty and Prettier? Swear to God, that was one of the best scenes of the night, right up there with the events surrounding, “Did you only shave one of your legs?”

Our biggest unanswered question…are there really only three attendings at Seattle Grace? From Hahn’s tirade last night, that’s what you’d think. FYI for those of you getting ready to visit the beautiful Emerald City anytime soon…unless your ailments are of a neurological, cardiothoracic or…plasticky nature, you might want to take your business to Mercy West. “We used to have an ob/gyn attending. As a matter of fact, she was a world-class neonatal surgeon…but she left.” I mean for criminy’s sake, Chicago County General has three attendings just for the ER, including one who is just working until December to make enough money for a surf trip.

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Watching:
Survivor: China (okay, not a premiere but I’m still watching)
Grey’s Anatomy
ER

Recording:
My Name is Earl
The Office
Big Shots

Skipping:
Ugly Betty
CSI

First off, I think I should get 50 bonus points for having the person voted off first on my Fafarazzi fantasy Survivor: China team (don’t click if you don’t want to know who it was). I mean, seriously. I have this knack of tagging people I think will just be fantastic in the game…and then watching them get voted off 40 minutes later. That probably explains why I have a team of nitwits for my marketing project…my Lamedar must need a tune-up.

You always know it will be a good season though, when you can remember names and faces of more than three people after the first episode. Originally I liked Chicken, because he seemed like one of those perennial “old guys” who fly under the radar and impart wisdom where necessary, inspiring the younguns with his wit and zest for life. Boy, was I off the mark with that one. My prospective hero morphed into a passive-aggressive ass, which I suspect Peih-Gee would have liked to kick, had she not been so busy “bossing” the other ladies around.

CU brought up an interesting point last night, to which I replied, “Welcome to my genderrific world.” He noticed that when men take charge and exert some leadership, they’re respected for it. When women step up to that same podium though, they’re called “bossy” - and usually by other women. Yep. Two points for CU.

I was so disappointed Leslie’s team name, Fei Long, didn’t translate into “Chinese Non-Christian Team of Pagan Worshippers”, because think of all the drama that would have provided! Oh, the mental, spiritual and emotional hand-wringing! Jeepers…Probsty said upfront the initial ceremony wasn’t one of worship…why did she have to make it one? The producers aren’t trying to make you look like a hypocritical fool, lady. That doesn’t happen until episode two.

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Oh, and…

I’ve come up with a new theory about Survivor : all of the snakes on Exile Island are involved in their own reality show, and every three days, a snake is chosen by his or her team (probably the one who can’t eat the human in one bite during the Venomity Challenge) and is sent over to the main island to suffer and look for an immunity idol amongst all the castaways.

Turns out, the nerds and copycats are prevailing on Survivor: Shark Jump Island this season! Who’da thunk it? We watched the first half of the show and taped My Name Is Earl, and boy am I glad we did, because I got to see Bahston Rahcky and “Boo” and for some reason, this is the season of the “nickname”. I literally laughed out loud when Jeffy told Bahston Rahcky to “Just pick one” when smahrt-ass Rahcky said he had lots of nicknames.

Sadly, The Architect, who divvied up the teams, was the first one to head to Exiled Snake Island…and…that’s when we flipped over to The Office, where we finally got to see Phyllis and Bob Vance, Vance Refrigeration get married at…Pam’s wedding. That’s right. Everything from the food (”I sent the chicken back.” “That was fish.”) to the colors to the wedding dress to the flowers to the invitations to the band (yay! Scrantonicity!) was the same as Pam had planned for her wedding with Roy.

And…how awesome was Roy last night? I was gunning for Pam and Jim all last season because Roy was an overstuffed wad, but this year…Roy’s a changed man. He likes Pam’s art, he admits he wasn’t “there” during the planning…then he slips the band a twenty to play “their” song. That’s awesome…and the look on Jim’s face when Pam & Roy left the reception hand in hand? Priceless.

THEN…I flip over to Grey’s Anatomy, and a ferry catches on fire in Seattle, because it has been hit by a cargo boat. In retrospect, this is frighteningly ironic because when CU and I were floating over to Bainbridge Island, I saw a cargo boat in the distance and said to him, “I hope that doesn’t hit us. That would suck.” No joke. You can ask him.

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Here’s the UberHusband’s latest imitation of UberFlamer Coby from last night’s Survivor.

I swear, I’m starting to watch Survivor just to see what lame expression Coby comes up with at key moments during Tribal Council.

Having said that, if I were one of the Three Amigas, I would be quickly realizing that if I were in the Final Two with either Ian or Tom, I would probably lose. Hence, it would seem prudent to vote one of them off.

Wouldn’t it?

I can’t believe they voted out Stephenie last night on Survivor. The remaining women are so stupid…the only reason those men would take Katie, Karen or…The Blonde Whose Name I Can Never Remember with them to the Final Four is because they know she won’t beat any of them.

Wise up. Where Snarky comes from, that’s not called “having your back,” that’s called “screwing you over when it’s most advantageous.” Not the same thing.

Then again…stranger things have happened. Look at Jenna Morasca and Amber Brkich.

And boo…no The O.C. last night! Damn you, President Bush!

I’m getting…sob…verklempt. Please…talk amongst yourselves. I’ll give you a topic…social security…should it be privatized or remain under government control? Discuss.

So now…the deal is whether or not the UberHusband is going to be able to see the season finales for any of these shows before he leaves. Keep your fingers crossed. My man loves his TV.

The O.C.

So…let me get this straight…Marissa & Ryan save Trey from another visit to the clink, then decide to celebrate by having sex for the first time together in the front of Sandy’s Range Rover, right in front of Trey’s apartment? In the words of Summer Roberts…eww. Fortunately, they had the good sense to go to the pool house, but I just have this strange feeling that these two still won’t hook up…too much drama at Casa De Cohen lately. I have visions of Kirsten boozily crashing her car into the pool house. Call me crazy.

Best scene of the show…when the Baywatch cast drove up to bust Harbor High’s resident coke dealer and Trey blocked said coke dealer’s escape with the truck door. BLAM! It was great…rewound it and watched it four times.

Funniest UberHusband moment: When the winery lackey welcomed the members of the press to the wine guzzling tasting, the UberHusband said he’d hoped she’d say that with finger quotes around “the press” because, come on, it’s Newport Living magazine. And it just launched two weeks ago. We hardly think that qualifies yet as “the press.”

In other news, Zach’s turning into an annoying weenie, Carter needs to shave (sounds like another Carter I used to gripe about) and Seth and Summer just need to break up. That’s what Adam Brody and Rachel Bilson wanted all along, right? For their characters not to be together? Mission accomplished. Summer’s getting annoying and it bugs me how she isn’t supporting her man but instead whines incessantly about how victimized she is by all of this. Whatever.

And…Julie crushes Caleb? Say it isn’t so.

Survivor

I think I know the names of everyone left on Koror now: Sleepy, Sneezy, Dopey, Firemany, Showgirly, Grumpy and Stephenie.

What’s up with The Hand of Probst coming down from above and basically manhandling Janu into leaving? Not that I had a problem with it or anything…it’s just…well…Survivor is starting to be influenced a little too much by The Hand of Probst. I truly thought he was three seconds away from just taking Janu’s torch away and plopping her on Coby’s lap…ending the insanity once and for all.

Can we just fast-forward to the final three of Ian, Tom and Stephenie? Please? ‘Cause really, I could do without listening to the others. And Coby…looks better without a shirt…and I don’t really mean that in a complimentary way.

ER

I had to double-check to see if this really and truly was a new episode but wait…there’s Abby and her new boy toy so yep…guess it’s new. Now, they’re late for rounds. Whoa…sounds like a plotline from Grey’s Anatomy, yuk yuk yuk! These two are cute. Abby needs some good love in her life and a guy who isn’t Luka, Carter or Motorcycle Man.

Speaking of Luka…that thing between him and Sam needs to go the way of the dodo bird and hopefully, Summer and Seth. Zero chemistry. These two went from flirtations to cohabitation to…soccer parenting? I was hoping that Luka would step up and take over Carter’s Reign when he “leaves” at the end of the season but I have an odd feeling that honor is going to go to…

SupaFly SupaPratt. Allow me to go all Randy and say that Pratt is DA BOMB…he’s more than aiiiight, he was ON last night. {{shaking my index fingers in up-and-down motion) If you’ve read my blog for a while you know that most of the time for me, listening to Pratt is like listening to Colin or Jonathan Baker or Jonathan BakerMay from The Amazing Race…I wish he would just shut the eff up because he’s only talking to hear himself speak. I guess he took Carter’s “teach, don’t mock” lecture to heart. He’s a different guy…you can tell because both the UberHusband and I made Unnecessary Breast Exam jokes to each other when Pratt was working with the breast cancer patient…and Pratt had a straight face. Swear to God. No smirk in sight.

And Neela when she’s “in charge” of a trauma…scary. Take her normal voice and make it four times louder. Oy.

I must say, I don’t blame Wendell for unloading Carter because she “couldn’t get into his head.” Want to know what you would have found dear Wendell, had you been able to get into his head? A trillion 3-letter words that start with a K, end with an M and have an E in the middle.

What does that spell? Kem! Kem! KEM!

John…Dr. Carter…please don’t name your $150 million clinic/HIV care center/food court after your dead baby. Please don’t do that. Please. Other than asking you to dump Kem and shave, I don’t ask you for that much. Indulge me…humor me.

We’re taking off to Chicago for the weekend this afternoon, but I couldn’t leave without sharing my bulletized list of thoughts on The O.C. and Survivor last night…

The O.C.

Survivor

I think my first critical mistake while watching Survivor last night was actually believing James when he told Jeffy that he’d been a’shootin’ before.

After his 0-for-247 performance during the Reward Challenge though, I’m guessing most of his prior marksmanship experience involved large quantities of beer, dark nights and aforementioned beer cans sitting on fence posts. I suspect hootin’ and hollerin’ and a smattering of hecklin’ was also involved. Heeheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee! {cocks gun}

Now Stephenie…she’s been shooting before. Her accuracy was…disturbing.

My second critical mistake? Buying The Drone Gunman’s story about being a superior knotsman because he was in the Navy.

So, I was not crushed when James was voted out last night for the following reasons:

On a side note…the Survivor production assistants rigged up the weakest pitcher of mai tais I’ve ever seen. Believe me, I would know.

So. Let me get this straight.

During Survivor’s reward challenge last night, Kuror won the task (and the food), but both teams have to go to Tribal Council and vote someone off? That’s so wrong. Kuror wins…they’ve got the team dynamic to completely obliterate Ulong but Jeff and His Might Fist Of Ratings has to butt in and force both teams to vote someone off at Tribal Council.

Oh no no…the producers and crew don’t influence the game at all.

Kuror goes to Tribal Council first and, unsurprisingly, votes off Old Man Willard because, well, he’s old and he’s no Rudy. The proverbial salt on the wound? Willard doesn’t even get to partake in the winning challenge feast! Although, I’m guessing the food he gets once he has passed through Survivor’s post-voteoff cleansing is better.

Once that atrocity is over, Kuror goes “over to the jury side” to enjoy their meal of beef stew, bread and IBC Root Beer while Ulong is going through their own tribal council. That’s just cruel. Angie’s crying and everyone on Ulong has decided they’re going to vote of Ibrahim. If you missed the first 35 minutes of the show, it was pretty much just all of them talking about voting him off.

But wait! There’s a twist! Jeff and His Mighty Fist Of Ratings tells the members of Kuror that they can give immunity to someone on the Ulong tribe…WTF? And of course, because for the whole episode we’ve heard nothing but how Ulong wants to get rid of Ibrahim, who do you think gets immunity? Quick…who you gonna vote off now that the Weakest Link has gotten a bye?

Angie, I guess. That aggravated me. She was the only person in that tribe who had any spunk and any strength but, I guess that made sense. I didn’t like Angie at the beginning. I’ll admit to that. I thought she was freak. But…she held her own and took on a lot of other women in the tribe and that made me want to root for her.

The UberHusband thinks Stephanie looks better now that she’s gotten a tan. Thanks, honey.

As I was surfing between American Idol and The Bachelorette during the 7:00 hour last night, I experienced a split-second of lunacy and flipped over to NBC to watch Fear Factor: Reality Stars.

I was mesmerized. We had American Non-Idol Nikki “I Sing Karaoke!” McKibbin (nice hair, girlfriend!), Ironman Bachelor Ryan Sutter (mrrrrow!), Ethan “Survivor Was In Africa?” Zohn, Jenna “Will Strip For Chocolate” Morasca and Princess Consort Omarosa. I started watching while they were trying to climb across a rope while hanging from a helicopter over a river or…something like that. All I know is that IronRyan got the best time.

Click back to ABC and Jen crying, “I didn’t think it would be this harrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrd!”

Click.

The Fear Factor Flim Flam team also participated in a task that involved boa constrictors, worms and a blender. As soon as Joe Rogan said “Blend the worms…and then you will drink…” I flipped back to ABC. I can handle the nausea of 2 hours of anti-climactic suspense but worms? Not so much.

Hey Jen…there’s always Fear Factor. Or, The Amazing Race with nothing but reality show couples who have broken up. How cool would that be?

By the way…The Amazing Race picks up again tonight! Recap tomorrow!

In more convoluted reality television news, Survivor: The Australian Outback is being released on DVD April 26.

Survivor Rule #3,421,903: Never, ever, ever wear teeny tiny underwear once you depart on your Survivor journey. Never. Ever. This means you, Angie. Demi-cup bras and string bikinis do not serve you well and I’m sure last night wasn’t the only night we’ll have to see blurry spots over your boobs.

Survivor Rule #6,325: Don’t hook up with a fellow castaway. Bahston Rob and Ambuh of The Smokin’ Ass were the exception, not the rule. Furthermore, if you choose to “become more intimate” with one female castaway than any of the others, don’t pick the one who will go to Tribal Council and say with a doe-eyed expression that it never occurred to her until that very moment that a romantic relationship might alienate her from the other tribemates. Just a tip from Auntie Snarky.

Survivor All-Stars winner Amber Brkich and her manservant, Boston Rob, will team up for the next season of The Amazing Race, premiering March 1.

I don’t know, but this just seems like a shark jump. Take your money and go play someplace tropical. Let someone else win a million bucks.

Yes, I watched the Survivor Vanuatan Probstravaganza last night and…the UberHusband and I tagged Chris as the eventual winner from the first minute because, come on, the ladies just didn’t deserve it.

Even if Eliza had outwitted, outplayed and outlasted the others, she was too annoying to get anyone’s final vote. Twila just ran her mouth way too much (I didn’t think any woman could be a bigger loudmouth than Susan) and Scout…well, she said more in the Reunion Hour than she did during the entire game.

Congrats Chris…let’s just hope Pulau turns out to be more exciting. Based on Jeffie’s promises of changing the game up completely next season, this last season was either Survivor’s “rebuilding season” or we’re about to jump the shark. We co

Survivor

Again, didn’t watch it. This is the first season I’ve completely lost interest in the show, but I’m even more bedazzled by the fact that Eliza, whom I’ve wanted gone since the start, is now in the Final Four. Wonder how long it took for the blood to dry on that signed deal with the Devil?

The O.C.

I miss quiet, brooding Ryan. I am intrigued however, that his new girlfriend-no-wait-let’s-just-be-lab-partners Lindsay is actually Caleb Nichol’s love child from sixteen years ago. How Dynasty of McG. Aren’t you all incredibly glad that Seth and Lindsay didn’t hit it off at the Bait Shack last week and run off to a corner to make out? As Summer would say…eww. If Grampa Nichol spills the secret, Kirsten is devastated and Lindsay will be devastated to learn she’s indirectly related to the gal-pal-Harbor-girls-love-to-hate, Marissa. But…if he spills the secret, he won’t go to jail. But, given all the chaos and glitter and sparkly what-not in the SnO.C. this holiday season, he might be safer in the slammer.

The Apprentice

Go Kelly. I’ve never liked Jen so, by default, I vote for Kelly. The fact that he went to West Point just makes him all the hotter and sexier, which is great news since the only other boy I knew named Kelly was in elementary school. He was short, blonde and fat and totally obnoxious. In other news, while paging through Vanity Fair today I saw an ad for Donald Trump’s new cologne. It appeared as though Melania’s breasts were being marketed more than his cologne but hey, whatever sells the swill, right?

ER

Love Abby. Love her, love her, love her. She has the best lines on the show and watching her stand up to Dr. Dialysis at the end was truly inspirational. Chen…glad she’s gone. Again. No really, I know this is her third time leaving the show but I read (I’ve done that alot this week) somewhere that Ming-Na wanted to do a cooking show a’la Rachael Ray so, good luck to her. Also happy that they’ve literally let Neela’s hair down and she’s learning there’s more to doctoring than deciphering lab results. And oh yeah, Kem called Carter. Let it go buddy, let it go. Happy holidays.

p>The O.C.

I love Seth Cohen, but can someone please make him shut up? God, he’s getting on my nerves. I’m also having a tough time adjusting to Ryan Atwood as a science nerd but hey, if he can tame New Girl on the Block With a Chip On Her Shoulder, she could be this season’s Anna. Also…methinks there might be a reunion between Julie & Jimmy once Grampa Nichol heads to the slammer. Would you like another cocktail, Marissa?

Survivor

We forgot to Tivo Survivor last night, so I didn’t find out until this morning that Chad of the Swiss Army Leg had been given the boot. Dude, I’m sorry…I was pulling for you. And, I just realized I made a really bad unintentional pun.

The Apprentice

I’ve been waiting and hoping for Maria to get her immaculately-lipsticked self fired since September 24…but I had to wait until last night for my dream to become a reality. Happy Birthday to me. I was also not entirely surprised The Donald gave Wes The Boot after he just sat there and let Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Maria peck at each other without stepping in and getting things under control. Guess he’d rather watch a good catfight than make a good decision. Typical. By the way…Ivana…brilliant idea with the decision wheel.

ER

Well Kerry Weaver, not all Chiefs of Emergency Medicine can check their souls at the door and wield their powerful fury on County General like you, so lighten up on Sweetheart Susan. She’s doing the best she can, what with Doogie Howser, the chick from Bend it Like Beckham and Velma working in her ER. Add in an Attending who needs some psychological counseling to help deal with the death of his unborn child and the death of his Summer Camp in Africa relationship and a stay-at-home-dad who won’t leave you alone to bring home the bacon, and you’re probably wishing that helicopter had hit you instead of Dr. Romano. Marissa’s mixing up some fabulous Newport Beach Iced Teas. Give her a call.

I have no TV watercooler conversations anymore because, well, the dogs don’t talk back to me unless my husband’s around, so humor me. What did you all think of last night’s shows?

Survivor

I really want to know…does anyone else find this season as boring as I do? I’m not sure why Lisa went home instead of the substandard, bug-eyed Eliza but hey, I’m not at Tribal Council so I don’t get a vote. Twila & Sarge? He said he’d date her…actually, he said he’d put a dress on her and take her out to dinner. Hmm. As long as Sarge doesn’t propose to her on The Early Show after he wins, I’m cool with their alliance.

The Apprentice

The big difference between Stacy R. from The Apprentice and my poodle Cookie is that Cookie is actually justified in her commanding presence. Sure, she’s small…and incredibly yippy…but she demands respect and gets it 99% of the time. Stacy R? Not so much. I feel for her though…in a previous, non-married life, I too was a Stacy R. I always wonder why The Donald brought certain people on the show when he obviously has such disdain for them and their personalities (”I hate people who exaggerate!” Pot, meet Kettle)…dunno, but you can’t tell me he didn’t know she was…like…that…before they started filming.

It did drive me nuts watching her talk about responsibility and complaining that everything was the project manager’s fault. This happens more than it should…I think I said this in another recap, but you can’t sit there and wait for someone to tell you what to do…especially if the whole point of you being there is to highlight your skills. This goes back to middle-school politics. Theoretically, if you tear down and rip apart your competition, people should see you for the amazing creature you are, correct? Wrong.

If you see a niche you can fill, step up and fill it. If you don’t see a niche, help someone else out or think of your own niche. Find a way to help in a productive way. Complaining is NOT help. The team will thank you and if your project isn’t a success, they can’t drag you to the Boredroom for the equally unsettling corporate minion characteristic of complaining.

Sayonara, Stacy. I did think it was funny when The Donald pulled everyone away from dinner…back into the Boredroom and, in a shocked and stunned tone of voice said, “I can’t believe you’re not prepared.” WTF? Prepared for what? If I’m done for the day, I change into shorts and a t-shirt. I bet Donald, Carolyn and George sleep in their suits…never know when you’ll be unexpectedly called away and can’t take five minutes to change your clothes.

ER

God Bless Susan, for not forcing herself to be maternal and for taking over as the Chief of Emergency Medicine. And, bless her even more for liberating Neela from her Quik-E-Mart post. I was hoping to not have to watch her sell nachos the entire season…but, her snarly retail skills do remind me of the guy that sells me my lottery tickets at the local 7-Eleven.

Anyone notice the new social worker? I read somewhere a while back that she was brought in to save Carter from ruining his life and his last season on ER. As much as I love Luka and Sam together, I don’t like the fact that they’re contemplating shacking up. If the two of them are in love and devoted to making “this” work, date a while longer, then get married. Don’t screw that poor kid around anymore. Please. Thanks. And oh yeah…Corday left.

I really miss the good old days of Survivor, when Doritos were the chip of choice, castaways were Dewing it with Mountain Dew and Visa was everywhere you didn’t want to be. Sure, the product placement got a little over the top, but it’s better than what we have now. Pringles? No-label beer? You can’t tell me Rob Burnett couldn’t find a beer sponsor for the #1 show in America.

Nevertheless, this week our teams dropped their buffs and mixed it up. That will make last week’s Survivor letter-writer a very happy boy. The bowhead alliance was split up and misfits Rory and Bubba were shifted to Team Yasur (I keep wanting to add “n’Dour” to the end of that) and Julie & loveable Twila went to Lopevi. BaristAmi rolled out the welcome mat for Rory & Bubba by refusing to play nice or show them any of the DahSkills they’d acquired. Boys are bad, bad, bad!

Dear Mom & Dad,

Greetings from…Camp Survivor.

We’ve been here several days now and, I’m not gonna lie to you…this place sucks. I can’t believe I signed up for this pitiful excuse for a vacation. When I read that it was a co-ed camp I thought, “Score! Loads of skinny chicks in bikinis!” No. As soon as I get here they immediately dispatched us guys off to the boys camp and the girls off to a separate camp. No campfire nookie for me…not yet, anyway. On top of all that, the girls are mean and they’re kicking our asses in every competition.

Take yesterday, for example. We had a reward challenge and the reward was the knowledgable services of an island native, Dah, who would demonstrate the ways of the island and how to properly fish, hunt and build a shelter. Well, it was a memory game and as I’m sure you know, I’m not very left-brainy. It was a lot tougher than the Mensa test I took last year. My teammates weren’t too sharp either, and we disgracefully lost the challenge because we couldn’t remember where the coconut shells and fish traps were. Boo.

There’s nothing I like more as a lead-in to a good knock-down-drag-out Presidential debate than a little slice of Jeff Probst and a whole lotta…nothing. Damn, last night’s episode of Survivor was boring. Did the producers and editors know when they were putting this episode together that probably no one was watching because they were too busy hosting their debate parties? Combine the immunity and reward challenge, show Rory eating oranges…um…stock photo of volcano sputtering and steaming. Yeah…that oughta do it.

Actually, for me its very good they didn’t have The Apprentice 2 on last night during its normal time because my uber-husband may have had to watch my head explode. Between the catfighting on Survivor and the catfighting over in TrumpLaLaLand…that’s an awful lot for a girl to have to deal with the day before the end of the work week.

Anyway, long story short…Mia was sent home. Thank God. I thought Eliza was annoying at first (and still do) but I probably would have taken a swing at Mia given the opportunity, just to knock her holier-than-thou fist out of the air. I still believe Twila’s not going to win, specifically because she said she didn’t come here to make friends. That’s always the kiss of death. In order to win you have to endear yourself to at least a couple of people…that’s the whole “outwit” part of “Outwit, Outplay, Outlast.” Duh.

As far as the guys go…they all look the same to me at this point, except for Sarge, Chad of the Swiss Army Leg and Rory. Rory doesn’t stand out for me because he’s black…he stands out because he’s…different…in that Rupert sort of way except without the personality.

But, it’s only Week Three and I always expect too much, too soon out of my Survivor seasons. I want to see true leaders step up to the plate! I want to see real personalities emerge! As of now, the only person I care about is Sarge. Go Sarge!

I swear, 60 minutes of Survivor goes by faster than just about anything else. As usual, during discussion with my husband, we declared this season not as good as any previous seasons but we all know it’ll still be great. We just need to get to know these fine castaways a little better. There are 2 more this time so we have 18 castaways, boys versus girls. The provided supply amounts seem to get smaller and the boobs seem to get bigger…I suppose there’s a certain synergy to that. We’ll see.

Volcanic Island Items of Note:

Survivor Pre-Show Report